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Can you hear me now?

I have never been a big fan of news polls. It’s just too easy to sway the results by selecting the sample group. Besides, who really cares? The real reason most polls are taken is to try and sway the opinion of folks who where not polled. C’mon, you know it and I know it.

Well, with that said, I read about a poll today. I won’t give you the specifics because of what I just said. (But if you want to read it for yourself, clicky clicky.) What I will tell you is that 100% of Americans who write the posts on this blog agree that the MSM and desperate democrats in Congress are dead wrong about the “Wire Tap” issue.

I find it very interesting that while Ted Kennedy and CBS News are screaming for Bush’s crucifixion, average Joes like me are glad to hear that Bush and the NSA are doing everything they can to catch terrorists before they strike. Personally, I could care less if the government listened in on my telephone calls. My only concern would be that they are wasting my tax dollars to listen to my wife remind me what to pick up at the grocery store. But I know good and well, that that is not what the NSA is doing. They are listening in on phone calls of people with known terrorist connections. Can I get a “Amen”?!

Since spineless liberals live and die by poll numbers, don’t be surprised if this issue suddenly vanishes from the news.

They taste like chicken!

I’m sure you’ve gotten the email with the funny typos and grammatical errors in church announcements and classified ads. Well tough. Some of them are funny enough for my white board, like this one:

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

*Urp* That’s just… *URP!*

Now, I loves me some good food, especially cake and cookies. But even a gastronome like me has to draw the line somewhere. And THIS is waaaay past my line.

Kitty Litter Cake Kitty Litter Cake

Notes:
This is a fun cake! It might look gross, but it does taste good!

Ingredients:
1 (18 oz.) box spice or german chocolate cake mix
1 (18 oz.) box white cake mix
1 pkg. white sandwich cookies
1 large box vanilla instant pudding mix
12 small tootsie rolls
1 litter box (preferably a NEW one!)
1 plastic scoop
green food coloring

Blech! Just the thought of cat poo cake makes me want to uneat my cheerios.

(Flagrantly filched from The Sneeze.)

Score One for the Good Guys

Jesus is glad this show got canned. In another follow-up (I promise no more follow-ups this week!), I posted about NBC’s controversial “Book of Daniel”. NBC announced it’s flushing this floater. The American Family Association (one of many groups who vocally opposed the show) claims that over 670,000 people sent emails to NBC through the AFA web site asking that the show be dropped. A total of nine NBC affiliate stations refused to air the show. Even NBC execs admit they hard a hard time finding sponsorship for the show. To top it all off, the show absolutely bombed in the ratings.

The AFA posted a quote from the show’s creator and producer Jack Kenny (although, I could not find another source for this quote).

“The AFA and bullies like them are hard at work to try and prevent you from seeing these beautiful shows, and that is censorship-pure and simple. And that is both un-Christian and un-American.”

I always get a big belly laugh out of openly non-Christian (Christiophobic?) folks preaching about what is or isn’t Christian.

I was able to find Kenny’s earlier response to the attacks on the show. Before it was cancelled, Kenny posted this diatribe which was picked up by TV.com.

“For a while I thought I was the only one who was really angry about this. Angry that this Small Minority of Loud-Mouthed Bullies (SMLMB) had decided to take control over what you get to watch on your television … Soon they may have to step in and approve anything you might want to say out loud, in the privacy of your home. Or maybe what you might think in your mind. If it weren’t 2006, I’d think it was 1984!

“Maybe I was taking this too personally – y’know, my show, my idea, my baby. Maybe I needed to seek out other opinions. Objective opinions.”

He goes on to say that he found some blogs where people where defending the show against this “religious attack”. These were his “objective opinions”. I found a much better and truly objective opinion. The “Real Live Preacher” whose blog I frequent, did a short review of the show for Salon.com. It’s very telling.

“I wanted so badly to like ‘the Book of Daniel’ … I wanted to like it if only because some of the religious right are soundly condemning it. I usually can’t pass up an opportunity to distance myself from those guys. But I couldn’t like it. I just couldn’t. Not because it is sacrilegious, but because it is bad. It is very bad. This is a bad and boring show.”

Many of the counter attacks say that Christians didn’t even watch the show before condeming it. While I don’t have to take heroin to know it should be outlawed, I did find the show’s official web site, where you can see still photos of the show and read the plot lines of all five episodes. Now, I can say, in all honest, having read the show’s content, “Wow, that was not only offensive, it really sucked!”

I recommend reading all of Kenny’s whine-fest. Toward the end, he talks about growing up in Catholic school and sheds light on the root of his disgruntlement with religion. The last paragraph he talks about Jesus as a friend and confidant that helps you when you stumble. He’s so close, but he still doesn’t “get it.” It really is sad to see how the lost can get so close to the answer, but their anger and bitterness (usually caused by hypocritical church goers) prevents them for allowing Christ into their lives. It’s a stinging reminder to us on the “religious right”. The fact that Jack Kenny hates us doesn’t mean we can hate him. He’s a lost soul and God loves him.

Follow Ups

I'm going to prison and my name is 'Dick Hatch'!  Aww crap! A while back, I posted about Richard Hatch, the Survivor contestant in a heap of trouble over his financial misdeeds. The verdict is in. Hatch was found guilty on all counts of tax evation, but was let off the hook for the fraud charges. His defense: Hatch was the “world’s worst bookkeeper” and never meant to do anything wrong. Pshyeah right. And monkeys might fly out of my butt.

Hatch faces a maximum sentence of 13 years in prison and a fine of $600,000. Read more details.

Just yesterday I mentioned Mayor Ray Nagin’s “chocolate city” comment. Now “Willy Nagin” is an international super star. T-Shirts featuring Nagin’s face photo-chopped into a Willy Wonka logo have been selling like made and the company producing them (ImNotChocolate.com) says they’ve received orders from as far away as Malaysia and Norway.

In related news, Willy Wonka himself has announced plans to run for mayor of New Orleans. Read the double-scoop here. (Note to bitter leftists: This last part was what you call “satire”.)

Oh yeah? Well, I’m a buzillionaire!

Today’s “too stupid to be real” news story comes to us from none other that “The Donald”.

Now, pardon me, but anyone who is so pompous as to allow their name to be used as a noun does not deserve any fame, nor attention, but that’s beside the point.

In a recent book, Timothy L. O’Brien claims that Trump’s net worth is not, as “The Donald” purports, in the billions. Rather it is in the mere millions. “The Donald” has taken issue with this claim and sued O’Brien and the New York Times (for which O’Brien works) for defamation of character. (Again, I’m not sure there is much character left to assassinate, but that’s be side the point.)

“The Donald” is asking for five billion dollars in damages. Yes, billion with a “B”. Uhhh… Yeah.

So, basically, “The Donald” is saying, “Nuh uh! I am too a billionaire. And just to prove it, I’m going to make you give me enough money to make be one if I wasn’t one already. But I am. So there. And my dad can beat up your dad too!”

Like I said, for character assassination charge to stick, they’re going to have to prove that he had any character to begin with. But that’s beside the point.

Concerning Race

I love to race. I’ve raced remote controlled cars and full sized cars. I’ve raced in the water and on foot. I love to watch others race too, from NASCAR to the Olympics. But that does not make me a racist!

I grew up in a mid-sized, mid-western town. I attended a small, country school with all 13 grades on one campus. There were twenty-something kids in my senior class, which means there were around 300-350 students in the entire school. Out of those, there were right about three black kids.

A few members of my family were (and are) blatant bigots. I heard more “nigger jokes” than I care to admit. If my life had been this way all along, I might also be a bigot. But God had other plans.

When I was in second grade (at the tender age of eight), my dad got a job with the Reagan administration and we spent two years living in Northern Virginia. I was bussed to school. No, I don’t mean that I lived so far from a suitable campus that I had to ride a bus to get there. I mean fell victim to the ridiculous 1960’s civil rights scam in which a small number of white kids are hauled across town to attend a black school and vice versa. This was some how supposed to even out the segregated school system. What a stupid idea. However, it did have an effect on civil rights, at least as far as one white eight year old from Texas was concerned. It revealed to me the truth behind racism. And here it is:

Racism is not about the struggle of the black man under the boot of the white man. Racism is not about minorities clamoring for undeserved “entitlements”. Racism is about hate, pure and simple.

Here was an innocent little boy from Texas (well, mostly innocent) who had probably not seen more than a dozen blacks in his whole life. Suddenly, I found myself in a large, inner-city elementary school with two, count ’em, two other white kids. There was one white teacher, who, in hind sight, I’m pretty sure was gay. The rest were bitter, angry, frustrated, black women. In my first week of class, my English teacher said I was stupid and that “those schools down in Texas must not teach nuthin’.” My third grade teacher refused to accept a paper that was wrinkled because she said I had tried to throw it away. (That logic still eludes me.) When I protested, I was given an after school detention. This was the worst punishment available, as it meant my father would have to drive an hour through Washington D.C. traffic to pick me up. I remember my mom sitting me down and asking me if I knew what “honky” meant, just in case.

I’m not trying to garner sympathy here. I’m simply trying to explain that I have learned what it is to be discriminated against for no other reason than the color of my skin. When those teachers saw me, they didn’t see a boy, they saw a white boy and thus their own little chance to avenge their own sufferings. How could that be any different than the racism they may well have faced growing up?

God taught me a valuable lesson. All people really are equal in this one thing. They are all fallen creatures capable of hate. But they all have the opportunity to rise above that. Through the grace of God we can choose to look beyond the surface because the surface is nothing.

This logic goes both ways, mind you. Every white man and woman can (and should) ignore the ignorant indoctrination they’ve heard about “those” black people and refuse to assume the worst when they meet one. If you don’t clutch your purse or lock your car door when you see a white guy, why would you when you see a black guy? (Trust me, there are plenty of white guy’s out there for whom you should lock your doors.)

By the same token, black men and women can (and should) ignore the ignorant indoctrination they’ve heard about white people. The government is not out to get you and if a white person gets a job for which you applied, don’t assume it’s because “da Man” is keeping you down.

Now that I have that off my chest, here are the articles I was going to blog about when I started this sermon. (Sorry. I got carried away.)

Freeman I really like Morgan Freeman. I’m certain there are issues on which we would not see eye to eye, but every time I see him speak publicly, I like him even more. He is very intelligent and articulate (proving that Ebonics is a scam). I recently read part of an interview he did in which Mike Wallace (the crown prince of liberal media pukage) asked him about racism. Why, oh why, must the media insist on saddling every successful black man or woman with this same question? Well, Morgan had a brilliant answer:

“How can we get rid of racism?

“Stop talking about it. I’m going to stop calling you a white man,” Freeman says to Wallace. “And I’m going to ask you to stop calling me a black man. I know you as Mike Wallace. You know me as Morgan Freeman. You wouldn’t say, ‘Well, I know this white guy named Mike Wallace.’ You know what I’m sayin’?”

Nagin You may have read about Mayor Ray Nagin’s “chocolate city” comment. (If not, you can learn about it here and here.) Today I read the most intelligent comment on the matter I’ve heard so far.

If we’re talking about making a conscious effort to repopulate New Orleans with a high percentage of African-Americans, let’s be clear about why anyone would even really worry about this in the first place: Louisiana Democrats running in statewide campaigns cannot win, cannot even come close, without a concentrated base of political support in New Orleans.

In other words, the black Democratic political leaders in Louisiana (like the disgraced Mr. Nagin) need their “huddled masses” of poor blacks back. They’ve spent the last three decades or so conditioning those people to believe that their only hope is the Democratic party and it’s government hand-outs when, in fact, Republicans, white or black, would do what those same huddled masses really need: Stop giving them hand-outs and help them help themselves out of the disgusting poverty of the 9th ward. These are people, after all, not just votes.

Mrs. Fletcher Just Won’t Die!

Oh! I am in 80’s Geek heaven. I just found RetroJunk.com which hosts all sorts of old TV clips and movie trailers from the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s.

They even have the ORIGINAL Mrs. Fletcher!!

WBQotW #53

I am Batman. No, really! I am!

I became enamored with the shadowy caped crusader back when Tim Burton directed the first Batman movie. Thus, this week’s quip comes from one of my favorite films of all time.

Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Eeeeew!

Now, I’ve openly admitted my Monkishness. At this very moment, there is a bottle of Purell hand sanitizer on my desk next to my monitor. So it should be no surprise that I can get a little grossed out by my keyboard and mouse.

Everybody’s mouse and keyboard get a little gross from time to time. If you still have a ball style mouse, you know that you have to pop it open now and then and scrape the crud off of the wheels inside. (You DO clean your mouse, DON’t YOU?!) Once in a while, while I’m applying sanitizer to my hands, I’ll run my hands across the keys on my keyboard hoping that I’ll kill at least some of the nastiness on the surface of the keys. But when I catch a glimpse of the dust and crumbs underneath, or even worse, when there’s some kind of gook building up on the side of a key, I just get grossed out.

Well, it turns out that my freakish phobia is justified! Yes! You keyboard is a death trap after all. I was RIGHT!

I do believe I'm going to HURL! According to this article posted on Slashdot, a Swedish magazine commissioned a study of the average computer keyboard. They found 33,000 bacteria per square centimeter. I repeat: 33,000 bacteria PER KEY!! Just to put that into perspective, the average toilet seat has about 130 bacteria per square centimeter. That means that the “J” key upon which your index finger is currently resting probably has two hundred and fifty times more bacteria on it as the same surface area of the toilet seat on which your little brother pees every day.

Think about that the next time you lick that little bit of french-fry salt off that same finger tip!!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go soak my fingers in undiluted bleach until they turn pasty white and wrinkly.

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