The Slow and the Irritated
Olympus Might Fall
The Okay Gatsby
Afternoon of the Living Dead
The Supper Club
Drafting Private Ryan
Snakes Near An Airport
A Larva’s Life
The Princess Girlfriend
Bill & Ted’s Uneventful Middle School
Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along LiveJournal
Willy Wonka & The Small Business Loan
The Lion, the Witch and the Trip to Ikea
The “Meh, I Could Eat” Games
Planet of the Humans
Batman: The Double Funeral
Indiana Jones and the Penultimate Crusade
The Moderately Fast and the Not Feeling Well At All
Harry Potter and the 11 Years of Child Abuse
Stands Awkwardly on the Edge of the Dance Floor with Wolves
Star Disagreements

A symptom of my blog neglect is the large collection of news links stacked on my desktop. Rather than try and write a post for each one, I’m just going to have to do a link dump. So, hold on to your bloomers. Here we go!

Dirty space news: Mysterious explosion on Uranus!! (Clicky clicky.)

Siberians share DNA with Neanderthals… OR maybe Neanderthal were actually humans… Duh. Read Genesis! (Clicky clicky.)

Insult to injury: Netflix customers (former and current) cut deep into earnings. Stock collapses. (Clicky clicky.)

Shamed ultra Liberal (and likely criminal) “community organization” ACORN is the driving force behind the “Occupy” movement. (Clicky clicky.)

After exposure, ACORN scrambles (but fails) to cover up “Occupy” involvement. (Clicky clicky.)

Hilarious: Mass of McDonald’s job applications dumped on “Occupy” protesters. (Clicky clicky.)

The parasites have parasites: Lice outbreak at Occupy Portland. (Clicky clicky.)

Walmart for rats: “Occupy” encampments are breeding grounds for dangerous disease including drug-resistant TB and truth-resistant socialism. (Clicky clicky and clicky clicky.)

Obama’s agriculture dept introduced Christmas Tree Tax to promote Christmas trees. Seriously?! (Clicky clicky.)

U.S. military kicked out of Iraq likely because Obama admin completely ignored the Iraqi gov’t for nearly a year! Turns out the “silent treatment” is not good foreign policy! (Clicky clicky.)

Q: Why couldn’t the vampire’s wife’s go to sleep?

A: Because of his coffin.

And that, ladies and germs, is the last of the groaners. At least for a while. I hope you enjoyed them as much as I did. And remember, bad jokes are made for sharing! You can go back and see the entire groaner series here: Clicky clicky.

Q: What do vegetarian zombies say?

A: “Graaaaains!”

Q: What do vampire zombies say?

A: “Veeeeeins!”

Q: How do you fix a broken jack-o-lantern?

A: With a pumpkin patch.

A blonde is looking to earn some money, so she goes door to door in a rich neighborhood asking for odd jobs. One man answers the door and says, “Well, my porch needs painting. I’ve already got the paint and brushes. I’ll pay you $100 to do the work.”

A short time later the blonde returns, paint stains on her hands and face. “It’s done!”

“Already? That was fast!” the man says. “Here’s your $100.”

“Thanks,” says the blonde, “and by the way. It’s not a porch. It’s a Ferrari!”

Q: What do you call a nosy pepper?

A: Jalapeno business.

…

Didn’t get it? Say it out loud. Again. Still no?

“Hal-up-in-yo business.”

Q: Why do seagulls live by the sea?

A: Because if they lived by the bay, they’d be bagels.

Two muffins sit in an oven.

The first muffin says, “Man! It’s really hot in here!”

The other muffin says, “HOLY CRAP!! A TALKING MUFFIN!!!”