One more story kids, and then it’s off to bed! I mean it!

Okay, so most of the time I get a little sadistic tickle when I read a negative story about Wal-Mart. (Like this one. Tee hee! That tickles.) But this story is just too dumb to qualify.

An Iowa woman is suing Wal-Mart for negligence because she slipped in a puddle of puke and hurt her back. The suit does not explain how the blue giant was negligent and no word yet on whether she’ll also sue the in-store McDonald’s for selling the dangerous happy meal in which she stepped*. Some people really make me want to throw up.

Hey lady! Here’s a tip. If there’s puke on the floor, don’t step in it. Mmkay?

* There is no evidence linking any McDonald’s Happy Meal™ with this story. It was just an attempt at humor by recalling several law suits filed against bars from which drunk drivers received their bedrunkedness. Also it was a little jab at my other least favorite American staple.

Read the whole story.

You heard it here first, people! (Unless you saw the link on Drudge… or read it in any number of AP printings. But let’s not split hairs.) Breaking news from Iraq (and I’m really not making this up).

Early reports state that U.S. military commanders in Iraq have authorized cease fire talks with several militant groups. Now, hold your jeers and spoiled vegetables. I’m not saying the war is over, but it’s worth some attention. I’m curious to see how this plays out, not only in the media, but also on the ground.

We all know how well cease-fires work with Islamic terrorists. Just ask Israel, Chechnya, Lebanon, etc. But if nothing else, this makes me wonder if the U.S. leadership in Iraq is opening up to other methods. Were a cease fire to be signed, I would not expect ticker-tape parades and our boys coming home. On the contrary, I’d be looking for the proverbial other shoe to drop. Still, I think this could possibly signal some good news from the war front. Maybe our guys are starting to think of something other than, “Let’s put our boys in humvee‘s with big bull’s eyes on the sides and we’ll kill the first guys to shoot at them.”

What has become of our dear old George?

It seems to me like G Dub has embraced the “lame duck legacy” format almost a year too soon; as if Pelosi’s win last November broke his spirit and now he’s just grasping for straws, trying desperately to come up with some presidential legacy other than, “Oh, he’s the dumb one who started the war.”

I don’t believe that. I don’t believe he’s dumb at all. It takes a very able and quick minded person to become President of the United States. But clearly, George has given up the ghost.

We knew back when he was only Governor G Dub that he had unconventional views on illegal aliens. Now, he’s trying to push through this amnesty bill that is really tearing his party apart. Just last week the RNC let go its entire fund raising phone bank. They had their spin, but the people on whom the ax fell made it very clear.

“There has been a sharp decline in contributions from RNC phone solicitations, [a] fired staffer said, reporting that many former donors flatly refuse to give more money to the national party if Mr. Bush and the Senate Republicans insist on supporting what these angry contributors call ‘amnesty’ for illegal aliens.”

Granted, it’s not a huge surprise that George is hanging his hopes some kind of “Proclamación de la Emancipación”. But I was completely blown away to read this. With the storm clouds gathering around his “immigration compromise”, he has announced that he has seen the light in global warming! Whaa? That’s as silly as Bill Maher becoming a Southern Baptist; Billy Graham coming out of the closet; Brittany Spears claiming to be a Rhodes Scholar!! It’s just too ridiculous to be taken seriously!

C’mon, George. Really. What are you thinking. We love you, George. You don’t have to try and impress us. In fact, the harder you try, the worse it looks. Just stick to what you know, George. You know… “Strategery!” Because if this is some kind of joke, no one is laughing. (Other than the people who read this blog, because let’s face it, I’m friggin’ hilarious.)