(Title translation for folks who don’t deal with teenagers: “Oh my gosh! That’s so not fair!”)

You may have heard the sad sad tale of Windy Hager. (It’s “Windy” with an “i”. In this, I feel her pain.) Windy is 16 years old (Almost an adult!) and for months, her parents had been total jerks when it came to her boyfriend, Brenton. They tried everything to keep the two apart. When Windy and finally had enough, she pulled the teen angst trump card and informed her parents that she “hated” them. It was at this that her parents, Dennis and Betty Hager, finally relented. They would let Windy and her boyfriend do whatever they wanted to do.

So far, this is just like several million other cases in which parents wimped out to the detriment of their own kids. But in this case it’s much much worse. You see, in this case, the boyfriend is Brenton Wuchae, Windy’s 40-year-old track coach and the parental relent involved signing consent forms for their under aged daughter to marry the old perv.

Like I said you may have heard this story because it was all over the news a month or so ago. What you may not have heard is this follow up story. When Windy moved out, she left behind some things. One can imagine that she’d be in a hurry to get out before her parents came to their senses.

She recently took her parents to court to try and get her stuff out of her old room. I am totally not making this up: a mounted fish, a sculpture, a PlayStation game system, and a Beanie Babies collection valued at $300. Now how could anyone doubt the maturity level of a girl who sues her parents for custody of her beanie babies? (And believes that such a collection has any monetary value whatsoever.)

The judge promptly threw out the case because a parent of a minor legally owns all the possessions of their children, especially when they paid for them in the first place. Like I said, “TSNF!” Windy has the right to appeal the case, but it’s unlikely that screaming and throwing things will go very far with the appellate court. And everyone knows that judges couldn’t care less if you hate them.

When we were on our mission trip, a very inebriated gentleman approached some of our kids near the Alamo. Before they had a chance to ask him if he knew Jesus as his personal savior, he introduced himself as Jesus. The Lord and Savior then asked them if they had any weed they’d be willing to part with.

In the news, a man went for a walk in his birthday suit (That means nekkid for your yankees.) around the county court house in Palestine, Texas. (Palestine! Coincidence? I think not.) When police confronted him, he said it was okay because he’s friends with Jesus. Oh! I see. Carry on then.

(As an aside, the journalist gets extra points for this line, “[The police officer] said he had never been exposed to such an incident.” Ahaa! Exposed. Ba-dump tshh!)

And in a story we’ve all heard a million times, some nut jobs in Connecticut claim that Jesus’ image has “miraculously” appeared in the wood grain pattern of their kitchen cabinet. (Insert your own shellac fumes joke here.)

So, what I want to know is this: In countries with different religious backgrounds, does this still happen? Do drunk Indians (towel, not feather) claim to be Shiva before they ask you for some vegetarian doobage? Do Middle Eastern Muslims ever “see” Mohammad’s face in their falafels? Would a French Atheist ever walk around naked and then claim to be friends with no one? Well, I guess that last one is pretty probable, but you get my point.

Is the link between insanity and Jesus a purely American invention?