For the “blondes” in audience (or a particular red-head), let this one sink in for a minute or two.

Always go to other people’s funerals, or else they won’t come to yours.

Wait for it… Wait for it… (Two minutes later, she suddenly laughs.)

Regardless of my views on the origin of the Universe, Darwin has his place.

According to this snopes article, some teens have figured out that drinking bleach will keep you from contracting AIDS. I say, you can bleach the AIDS away and bleach the gene pool at the same time. Bonus!

Per the article, a capful of bleach with not save you from AIDS. However, I propose that a gallon of bleach will absolutely prevent the dreaded disease… by killing you before you have the chance to catch it.