Have you ever struggled to find the right word to express your frustration, pain, fear, anguish, or hate? I’m mean without cussing, of course. Cuz, you know, profanity is the crutch of the inarticulate.
Well, I’m always looking for a good alternative to profanity and today I found a great one!
Opposite of “Yay!”
Example:
Pardon me while I hammer in this nail that is right next to my thumb.
*Thumb crunching sound*
OPPOSITE OF “YAY!!”
Shamelessly pilfered from Chainsawsuit. (Don’t expect to understand Chainsawsuit. It’s weird. Like me.)
If you’ve eaten three meals a day for the last month (not counting you yahoos you think you can starve yourself skinny or get ahead by saving 10 minutes in the morning)…
If you’ve slept in a more or less climate controlled room, in a bed that you have more or less to yourself, for the last month…
If you (or your family provider) makes more than $2 a day…
Please do me a favor and watch *all* of this 40 minute video.
Do you have fat fingers? Have trouble doing things like dialing a phone or typing on a regular keyboard? Yeah, well, me too. My hands look like two hams with five bratwursts sticking out of them. So, for people like us, there are a few helpful tools. Check out this over sized TV remote.
And how about the latest and greatest technology out there? Are your fingers too fat to use an iPhone? Well, hallelujah and glory be. Those big brains over at Apple finally have a solution for fat fingers like yours and mine. It’s their much anticipated iPad.
Of course, it’s not actually an iPhone. In fact, it’s not a phone at all. It’s just a … well … a giant iPod Touch really, perfect for fat fingers like yours and mine! It also costs up to twice the price of an iPhone ($800!). It does have a high speed data connection so you can surf the web, but you can not call in for dinner reservations at Frankies Fat Finger Frankfurter Hut. (Although, the image of someone holding that behemoth up to their ear is much funnier than this bit I’m doing now.)
Oh, and in case you haven’t figured it out by now, yes, this is for real. I’m serious.
If your like me (God help you.) you’ve got accounts on dozens of websites. Your bank, credit cards, eBay, PayPal, Facebook, Twitter, your blog, and any number of forums or hobby sites. Each one has a login and password. How in the world do we keep track of it all?
For most folks, the solution is simple. Simply stupid, that is. They use horribly insecure passwords. A colleague just sent me a link to the Top 20 Most Common Passwords which in turn links to the Top 500 Worst Passwords (Parental Advisory!! Some people have potty-passwords!) Way too many people use names, common words, or easy to guess combinations, like “121212” or “qwerty.” These people are easy marks for hackers. Don’t be an easy mark!!
The advise I’m about to give you is not unique. I claim no mystical knowledge. You can find it on any number of web sites, but I do think it’s worth sharing.
First off, I strongly recommend that you create what I like to call a spam email account. Use hotmail, yahoo, etc. to create a free email account that you’ll only use for signing up on websites. That way, you’ll have a place to get the inevitable confirmation email, but you won’t be risking your personal email address to spammers.
Now, for passwords:
1 – Don’t use words or names.
2 – Don’t use common non-words. (ex. “qwerty” or “asdf” [Keyboard patterns] or “NCC1701” [Registration number of the Enterprise on Star Trek. Don’t laugh, it’s #139 on the 500 worst passwords list!])
3 – Don’t use common personal information like birth or anniversary dates or phone numbers.
4 – Don’t use only numbers.
“Well, good grief,” you might be saying. “What am I going to use?!” In a word, acronyms! Do you have a favorite song, movie quote, or Bible verse? Here’s an example:
Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are.
Now as an acronym password, that becomes “ttlshiwwya”.
5 – Add special characters and use both upper and lower case letters.
For our example above, we could use “*” instead of “star” in our acronym. We could also use “R” instead of “are.” We could replace the lower case “l” with a number “1”. And we could capitalize the first word of each phrase. Now we’ve got “Tt1*HiwwyR”. That’s a pretty good password… except that I just published it on the internet, so now it’s junk. Don’t use it!
Now for one more rule that I have not heard anywhere else, so I am claiming as my own.
6 – Come up with a system that incorporates something unique about the website in question.
Remember I said we’ve got dozens of sites for which we own passwords. It does no good to have a rock solid password that you use everywhere. What happens if, say, Facebook gets hacked and someone steals your rock solid password? The hacker is not going to make any money off of hacked Facebook accounts. Where he butters his bread is taking those passwords and trying them out on eBay, PayPal and major financial websites. If you’re Facebook password is the same as your bank, you’re in big trouble. Likewise, you may want to create multiple spam email accounts or login names that are related to the website. This will decrease the chances of someone cross hacking your accounts.
Come up with an easy to remember keyword for each site.
Bank website -> Money
eBay -> Junk
Stamp collectors forum -> Lick
Online T-shirt store -> Threads
You could even use the name of the site (not as secure, but easier to remember). Now, obviously, you’re not going to use these keywords as your password, but you can use them as part of your password.
Let’s say we take “Tt1*” from the example above. We’ll call that our password root. Now we need a password for our bank, “1st Secure Bank of Awesomeness” whose website is “www.1stsecurebank.com”. Take the last three letters of the website: “ank” (Not “com”… duh.) and inject that into your password root. We could just tack it on the end (“Tt1*ank”), but that might be too easy. How about we interweave the two. So “Tt1*” and “ank” become “Tatn1k*”. Now, you need a password for your stamp collecting forum, “WeLoveStamps.com”. Using the same method, we get “Tmtp1s*”. Get it? Now you’ve got a unique password for every website you visit that is nigh impossible to guess.
But what’s this?! You’re bank wants you to answer some simple questions to help identify you in case you forget your password! What’s your mother’s maiden name. What was the name of your childhood pet. Where did you go to school. These are easy questions! No problem, right? WRONG!
Remember a while back when Sarah Palin’s email was hacked. Guess how the hacker got in. “What school did you go to?” Umm. “Wasilla High School?” Bingo! I promise your bank won’t reject you for inventing a fake answer to these questions. In fact, I would recommend that you give the answer to a different question.
Q) Where did you go to school?
A) 1992
Q) What year did you graduate?
A) Amarillo High School
Q) What was the name of your childhood pet?
A) Sarah Parker
Q) What is the name of your closest childhood friend?
A) Freckles the Fish
The trick here is to remember what answer goes with what. If you don’t think you can pull that off, you might be better off just making something up. Be sure it’s something you’ll remember.
Q) Where did you go to school?
A) Gotham High School
Q) What year did you graduate?
A) 1939
Q) What was the name of your childhood pet?
A) Batty
Q) What is the name of your closest childhood friend?
A) Alfred
Did you catch that? Batman? Eh? Nudge nudge? Pretty smart, eh?
Now, I fully expect you to spend the next two hours going to every website you’ve ever been to and changing your passwords and your security questions. You’ve got work to do, buddy! You’d better get crackin’!!
About a month ago, a statue of the Bronco Bomber as a 10-year-old boy, with a butterfly resting on his hand (Aww, ain’t that cute?), was unveiled in Menteng Park in Jakarta, Indonesia. You see, for four years, beginning in 1967, the Boy Wonder lived in Indonesia with his mom and her second husband. The statue was erected by “his relatives and friends.”
Now over 55,000 Indonesians have signed an online petition to scrap the statue.
“Obama only ate and [pooped*] in Menteng.”
“Barack Obama has yet to make a significant contribution to the Indonesian nation.”
[* The didn’t say “pooped” but you get the idea.]
Hey, Indonesia. Don’t feel so bad. He has yet to made a significant contribution to the well being of the U.S. either.
“Bin Laden sending out a tape trying to take credit for a Nigerian student who engaged in a failed bombing attempt is an indication of how weakened he is because this is not something necessarily directed by him.”
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??!! This is exactly the kind of pants-on-head, window-licking idiocy that makes insurgency so successful. How unbelievably naive do you have be to say something so incredibly dumb. Seriously, Mr. Bomber. Who, in Alah’s name, do you think provided this “student” with military grade explosives, training on how to detonate the bomb, and thousands of dollars in cash to buy the plane ticket??!! Oh, yeah. That’s right. YOU ALREADY ADMITTED IT WAS AL-QAEDA!!
Breathe, Trint. Breathe. I’m calm. I’m cool.
I think I would be a little less put out if it weren’t for the fact that Bronco really isn’t that dumb. He just thinks that one else is! How else could he say this after he called the Fruit-of-the-Boom bomber “a member of al-Qaeda” after he called him an “isolated extremist“.
Dear Mr. President,
I do have access to the internet. I can, in two minutes, find references to your previous statements. Even if I could not, I do have the capacity to remember what you said two weeks ago. I am not an idiot. Please stop pretending that I am. You may be able to lie straight faced to Diane Sawyer’s doe-eyed allegiance, but you can’t lie to the American people.
We now have material evidence to show us all what happens when you put highly intelligent, well trained, militant minded terrorists in a U.S. court room. Please follow the link to read the low-lights from the trial of Aafia Siddiqui, an M.I.T. educated, Pakistani microbiologist and Al-Qaeda terrorist who, after captured, tried to shoot an American soldier with his own weapon.
And the crowns of the “scientists” who have so long held “consensus” on the issue are falling faster that I can post about them.
A recent report (admittedly reported by climate skeptics, so… you know… they must be wrong) showed that the Un, NASA, and NOAA have, for quite some time, been cherry picking their climate data by reducing the number of weather stations that feed into their databases, pulling data from more and more warm weather locations (like lower altitudes and further south).
The scientist behind the bogus claim in a Nobel Prize-winning UN report that Himalayan glaciers will have melted by 2035 last night admitted it was included purely to put political pressure on world leaders.
You can read the rest of that article here. I added the emphasis on the Nobel Prize. Does anyone take the Nobel committee seriously anymore? I think they should rename it the “Pandering for Donations From Rich Liberals Racked With Guilt For Being So Rich Award.” That has a nice ring to it.
Today, the U.S. Federal Government’s debt is $12,245,872,000,000. In news speak, that’s $12.2 trillion. That number tends to fall way outside the normal person’s ability to grasp so, as a service to my readers, I offer the following imagery.
Of course, by “worms” I mean “(big “L”) Liberal democrats in the White House and Congress” and by “turned” I mean “developed complete amnesia over the last 48 hours and expect all the world to see them as rosy cheeked, bi-partisan, can’t-we-all-just-get-along centrists, forgetting the last 12 months of extreme, leftist, socialist, bare-knuckled bullying.”
After months and months of wrangling, strong-arming, and flat out bribing members of their own party to vote in favor of what I will hear-to-after refer to as OPRAH (Obama-Pelosi-Reid Abomination of Healthcare), the tone has suddenly and dramatically changed.
House speaker, Nancy Pelosi, told reporters in California Monday that the legislation would move forward not matter what.
“Let’s remove all doubt,” Ms. Pelosi said. “We will have health care one way or another. … Certainly the dynamic will change depending on what happens in Massachusetts,” Ms. Pelosi said. “Just the question of how we would proceed. But it doesn’t mean we won’t have a health care bill.”
Abandoning the health care overhaul is not an option, a senior White House official said. Questioned about the fate of health care legislation, David Axelrod said, “It’s not an option simply to walk away from a problem that’s only going to get worse.”
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi refused to acknowledge [compromise or abandonment] as a possibility. “Massachusetts has health care. … The rest of the country would like to have that too,” Pelosi, D-Calif., said. “So we don’t say a state that already has health care should determine whether the rest of the country should. We will get the job done. I’m very confident. I’ve always been confident,” she added.
“There are certain things the members simply cannot support,” Pelosi said. She cited the tax on so-called “Cadillac” insurance plans, and the special perks for Nebraska as major grievances. “I don’t think it’s possible to pass the Senate bill in the House,” Pelosi said. “I don’t see the votes for it at this time.”
George Stephanopoulos’ Exclusive Interview with President Obama, release this morning (abridged)…
Obama: I would advise that we try to move quickly to coalesce around those elements of the package that people agree on. [ed. “Those elements” do not exist.]
Stephanopoulos: So start again with a smaller core package?
Obama: Well, look, I’m not going to get into the legislative strategy. [ed. This is an important non-denial. He’s washing his hands, yet again, of the dirty work.]
The Scott Brown election has shifted the Democratic machine into full reverse. Check out this quote from staunch Liberal whacko John Kerry welcoming his new colleague to the Hill.
“You have to work across the aisle here to make things happen,” said Kerry. “There have got to be some basic things here that we can all agree on.”
For the last 50 years or so, the only thing any Massachusetts senator has ever done “across the aisle” is throw rocks and daggers.
Remember this, children. Don’t forget. Burn it into your memory. When Liberals got full control of the White House and both houses of Congress, that ran, nay, sprinted as far left as fast as they could. So far, in fact, that many of their own ranks were scared out of voting with them because they knew that their constituents would run them out of town an a rail come election day.
There was no bipartisanship. There was no transparency. There was no compromise. It was balls-to-the-wall socialism and God have mercy on any soul that dared stand in their way. These people have a one track mind and that track is to collect as much power as possible as quickly as possible. You will see over the next 10 months, and, if we’re lucky, the next decade these same people wringing their hands and wailing over how we all must learn to work together and compromise and get along.
IT… IS… AN… ACT! It’s a mask. The man has gone back behind the curtain and fully expects us to believe in Oz again. DON’T FOLLOW ALONG!! Get these people out of our government as fast as you can.
We must remember this day each and every time we step up to an election booth and never let this happen again.
About a month ago, a statue of the Bronco Bomber as a 10-year-old boy, with a butterfly resting on his hand (Aww, ain’t that cute?), was unveiled in Menteng Park in Jakarta, Indonesia. You see, for four years, beginning in 1967, the Boy Wonder lived in Indonesia with his mom and her second husband. The statue was erected by “his relatives and friends.”