Chick-fil-a is giving away breakfast! What? Fo’ real?

You betcha. Clicky clicky. (The site may be slow, but it’s worth the wait!)

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Umbrella.

It’s that time of year again. School is in full swing and cops are dolling out expensive school zone tickets.

This year’s high school seniors were born in 1994. If you an old man like me, that is a jarring statement. Let’s put that in perspective, shall we?

This year’s high school seniors were born the same year that these movies were released:

Pulp Fiction
Speed
Forest Gump
Dumb and Dumber
Lion King

The following TV shows were cancelled before these kids were born:

The Cosby Show (1992)
The Wonder Years (1993)
Saved By the Bell (1993)
Star Trek TNG (1994)

These kids have never…

“Rolled down” a car window.
“Dialed” a rotary phone. (For that matter, phones have not required a cord in their life time.)
Used a library card catalog (with actual cards).
Used an answering machine with a cassette tape inside.
Listened to a cassette tape.
Heard Ed McMahon say, “Heeeeeere’s Johnny!”

For their entire lives…

The Hummer has been available to civilians.
Wal-Mart has always had Super Centers offering groceries.
Blue Man Group has always been doing weird things with plumbing.
Food has always been packaged with “Nutritional Information.”
The term “school shooting” has always been a part of the American vernacular.
The internet has been widely available, but they’ve never heard a modem dial up.

If you don’t feel old after reading all that… get off my lawn and turn that racket down!! Ya dern kids.

Did you hear about the guy who had the entire left side of his body cut off?

Yeah, he’s alright now.

This is for real:

“NASA’s humanoid robot has finally awakened in space.”

“Those electrons feel GOOD! One small step for man, one giant leap for tinman kind,” Robonaut posted in a Twitter update.

Whoa. I think I pulled my geek muscle just then. I need to lie down.

Wow, all these jokes! I’d better post something more serious to keep this blog balanced. NAH!

I lost a buttonhole today.
-Steven Wright

Q: Why don’t dinosaurs talk?

A: Because they’re dead!

The square root of negative one and pi are having an argument.

Frustrated, the square root of negative one shouts, “Be rational!”

Pi shouts back, “Get real!”

Q: How many software developers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Whoa whoa whoa. That is a hardware problem!

…

Yes. For the next month or so, I’ll be posting a groaner a day. And yes, I stole almost all of them from Hank Green.

The earthquake that rattled Washing D.C. has caused some damage to the iconic Washington Monument. Fox News is reporting that the monument is leaning dangerously to the left. MSNBC insists that it’s actually leaning to the too far to the right.