Ponderous.

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?

Two years ago, I posted a hilarious mockery at the release of the iPad, implying that it was a gigantic phone for people who, like me, have fat fingers. (You can read it here. If you don’t think it’s hilarious, too bad. I didn’t ask your opinion!)

In yet another stunning display of my prognostication abilities, the mockery has become reality. Samsung seems to have fallen head over fat fingers in love with the “bigger is better” approach. Last year they released the biggest phone on the market, the Note II, with a pocket straining 5.5 inch screen. (Follow the link to see a picture of this behemoth!)

Now, they’ve announced their even fatter Galaxy Mega. Seriously. They named it “Mega.” It’s a Mega phone. Not to be confused with a “megaphone,” or is it?

And not only is it stupidly named, it is stupidly big. (Yes, really!)

The Mega features a 6.3 inch screen. 6.3 inches!! If you could manage to squeeze this thing into your pocket, you’d better cinch up your belt or risk violating all the new saggy-pants laws! Or maybe you could get some farmer John overalls with the big pocket on the chest. I’m sure the Mega would fit just right.

If you have the prodigious digits to pull it off, you might be able to hold it up to your face while talking on this smartphone. (Yes, it is a smart phone. Not a tablet!) But, fair warning, I WILL point and laugh at you! And be honest, wouldn’t you laugh if you saw this?

WBQotW #239 is an actual quote from an actual 7-year-old girl. And on this rare occasion, I must agree with the kid.

I want milk, the locust-free kind.
– 7-Year-Old

From the mouths of babes… Am I right?!

On a side note, I just created a handy short-link for the WBQotW list! Now you can easily remember how to get your latest white board quip fix, or shoe-polish it on your car, or tattoo it on your forehead, or have it engraved on your tombstone! YOU’RE WELCOME!!

http://bit.ly/WhiteBoardQuip

And don’t forget the short-link for the blog: http://bit.ly/SYNSblog

We all know “that guy.” Usually, he’s a blood relative.

So what website do I go to to google something?

What would you do if the electricity in your entire state when out for months or even years? Are you prepared? 99.9% of us are not.

Some people would call me a “prepper.” But what does that really mean? Some think preppers are kooks who hoard thousands of rounds of ammunition, hundreds of pounds of rice and beans, dozens of barrels of water, and have a 1500 square foot, underground shelter in the woods. Admittedly, these kooks are the .1% who (along with most Amish) would be fine in the event I mentioned above.

Maybe the name “prepper” has been spoiled by some cable shows which thrive off of putting the kookiest kooks on display. But am I a prepper? I don’t have a bunker with years worth of food and water, but I do have a box in my closet with a few weeks worth of toilet paper and Clif Bars.

You might ask why. Well, turns out that our modern life is pretty fragile. Ask the people who survived hurricane Katrina or Sandy how quickly your life can devolve when a few basic services are taken away. But I live in North Texas! (I hear you say.) There are no hurricanes here! Okay, but say a tornado hits your local power plant. Or a flood destroys your local water supply. Or a terrorist blows up the nearest gasoline refinery. Or worse.

Did you know that a couple of weeks ago, a massive solar flare passed right by the Earth? A solar flare so powerful it would have destroyed more than half of all communication and GPS satellites. It would have melted telephone and electric transmission lines over half the planet. It would have destroyed almost all components used to get electricity to your house. My precious cell phone would have become less than a door stop. And if it had happened two weeks later or had left the Sun at a slightly different angle, the Earth would have taken a direct hit. Sounds like the making of a great disaster movie. But this time, it was for real. And it’s really terrifying.

For me personally, if there’s no power, there’s no internet, and I have no job. But even more than that, if there’s no power, there’s no… anything. No gasoline, no clean water, no food, no toilet paper… Yeah. Let that sink in.

So, am I crazy for keeping a survival box in my closet? Is it crazy that I want to buy a generator and plant a veggie garden? Maybe. Maybe not.