I’ve seen this one making the rounds of the internet. It made me “cubicle laugh” several times. (You know, “cubicle laugh.” When, in any other circumstance you would laugh really loud, but your at work, so you have to stifle it and nearly have a brain hemorrhage.)

I thought I would try to find and credit the original source. My search lead me through some dark alleys of the internet. It scares me to think what was behind some of those banner ads. *shudder*

The best I could come up with was a link to Ruminations.com, a blog that no longer exists, written by comedian Aaron Karo. There’s no evidence of this list on his existing site, but the “voice” does match his current work.

Anyway… to the funny! [With my comments added in brackets.]

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
[This never happens to me. DO YOU HEAR ME??!! NEVAAARRRR!!]

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
[Preach, brother.]

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
[Ya think?! … See?]

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
[This one I can help with. Find the corner seams and fold them. Ignore the rest.]

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
[Only so I can read birthday cards from my grandma.]

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
[Clearly this list is very old. You see, children, when dinosaurs roamed the earth, before Google Maps…]

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
[I always felt like they were missing something.]

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
[See also: #3]

10. Bad decisions make good stories.
[And expensive medical and/or legal bills.]

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
[3:30 pm. If it comes earlier, I’m in real trouble.]

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection … again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
[This is scarier than ever “horror” movie made in the last 10 years … combined.]

14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this … ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (“Hello? Hello? [Nuts]!”), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
[For me, it’s when I wear a new and highly hilarious t-shirt.]

17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
[Guilty.]

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
[I always did not like* those commercials. It’s basically promoting prostitution.]

20. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
[Though, to be fair, this option might make several U.S. cities totally inaccessible.]

21. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
[And when I’m done, I feel justified in not going to the gym that week.]

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
[Because, children, we NEVAAARR look at our phones while driving. RIGHT??!!]

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
[Is this list getting too long, because I’m craving potato chips.]

25. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
[Once. Twice if it’s my boss.]

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
[YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!]

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
[Oh, children. I weep for the future.]

29. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
[Cue brain hemorrhaging cubicle laugh.]

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.
[Nope. Share the road.]

31. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
[Watch? What’s a watch?]

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my [granny’s teeth] everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!