Q1: Where was Noah when the lights when out?

A1: In d’ark.

Q2: What did Noah say after he got all the animals on the ark?

A2: “Now I herd everything.”

Q3: Where did Noah keep the bees?

A4: In the ark-hives.

Q4: Why couldn’t anyone play poker on the ark?

A4: Because Noah was standing on the deck.

Q5: Once they got the poker game started, which animal would they not let play?

A5: The cheetah.

A while back, the man who wrote “The Hokey Pokey” died and they had a heck of a time getting him into the casket. They’d but his left left in… well, you know the rest.

Q: What word is shorter if you add two letters to it?

A: Short.

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Umbrella.

Did you hear about the guy who had the entire left side of his body cut off?

Yeah, he’s alright now.

Q: Why don’t dinosaurs talk?

A: Because they’re dead!

The square root of negative one and pi are having an argument.

Frustrated, the square root of negative one shouts, “Be rational!”

Pi shouts back, “Get real!”

Q: How many software developers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Whoa whoa whoa. That is a hardware problem!

…

Yes. For the next month or so, I’ll be posting a groaner a day. And yes, I stole almost all of them from Hank Green.

The earthquake that rattled Washing D.C. has caused some damage to the iconic Washington Monument. Fox News is reporting that the monument is leaning dangerously to the left. MSNBC insists that it’s actually leaning to the too far to the right.

Geologists have determined the quake that rattled Washington D.C. was caused by a little known fault line that runs directly through the nation’s capital.

It’s called “Bush’s Fault” and the Bronco Bomber administration, in a press release this morning, insists that it inherited all geological problems from the previous administration.