I just read a piece of news that gave me the shiver of a life time. I’m pretty sure I dislocated my spine. And as a public service, I’m offering you the same tidbit.

Disclaimer: If you have a heart condition, back or neck injury, are or could be pregnant, please don’t read the following news blurb.

A new commercial is set to air in Palestine which starts with the following quote.

Hi, I’m Richard Gere, and I’m speaking for the entire world.

See… I warned you. Read the complete article… IF YOU DARE!

Wow. I knew that the liberal powers that be were an angry stuborn lot, but I have to say I am truely surprised at the militaristic furvor with which some of them are taking up arms against the Bush administration.

Read this article in the New York Times and tell me that liberalism still has a shread of compassion for real people. All they seem to care about is destroying the “Religions Right”.

What is truely remarkable about this anti-convervative, anti-god rhetoric in the libral left is how closely it resembles Al Qaeda’s own fist shaking (as evidenced by this article at Reuters).

Well, let me just say this. If ya’ll is lookin’ fer a fight, yer gonna git one! Let’s get it awwn! My God is biggern’ yer hate any day.

Why don’t we all send two or three hundred emails to that effect to the author of that NYT article, Mr. Paul Krugman. krugman@nytimes.com

*Sigh* I had hoped that, with the election behind us, the political news would taper off here on SYNS. But alas, we have some aftershocks to report on.

AP reporter Lara Jakes Jordan reported on Wednesday that republican senator Arlen Specter leveled a political threat to President Bush with regard to judicial appointments. Specter is expected to become the chair of the Senate Judicial Committee which will ultimately decide which of Bush’s court nominees get the job. According to the article, Specter, for whom Bush campaigned heavily for his reelection in Pennsylvania, threatened to allow democrats to filibuster nominees who are too conservative and are openly pro-life.

As you can imagine there was immediate uproar in conservative circles. Today, Specter published a press release to his web site denying any such threats. Specter does have a checkered past when it comes to supporting pro-life nominees to the highest court.

So, when faced with the decision of which one is lying, a media mouth or a polititian, I’d have to say, “Uhhh. Good question.” If you want my advice, even though you didn’t ask for it, send an email to your republican senator asking them to get to the bottom of the matter. They work with the guy, right? I mean, his office is right down the hall. They can just stick their head in and say, “Hey Arlen! What gives? Are ya with us or not?” Since Specter must be elected to the committee by republican senators, they are the best ones to find out if he is fit for the job.

And now, let’s get back to poking fun at bad web sites and laughing about funny words and phrases.

Do they not teach math to journalism majors? Granted, I’m an ubber-anal-retentive engineer type. Granted, I just finished working out the election results using complex formulas in an Excel spreadsheet. But still. Come on people. 2+2 does not equal 5.

At this hour, the media (at least Yahoo News and CNN) can’t decide who’s won New Mexico. How about some numbers.

Precincts not yet reported: .80%
Bush leads by: 2.06%

So, if John Kerry can win 256% of the votes not yet counted, he could win New Mexico. Ummm. No.

At this hour, they can’t decide who’s won Iowa. How about some numbers.

Precincts not yet reported: .29%
Bush leads by: 1.06%

So, if John Kerry can win 366% of the votes not yet counted, he could win Iowa. Seriously, people.

At this hour, the media can’t decide who’s won Ohio. How about some numbers.

Precincts not yet reported: 0%
Bush leads by: 2.49%

So, if John Kerry can win… well, divide by zero and you get infinity… If John Kerry can win infinity votes, he could win Ohio. GAAAH!!

Okay, okay. I KNOW that there are provisional ballots and all that silliness. I just think it’s funny that the liberal media is clawing and chewing and gnashing their teeth rather than admitting that they’re stuck with a conservative, Christian president for another four years despite all their back-stabbing, libelous, boorish efforts.

I have one word for you, Dan Rather…. NAA-NAA-NEE-NAA-NAAA!!

This just in, China thinks we are too big for our britches. Reuters quotes a Chinese official saying that the problems facing America are due to the “Bush doctrine” of “arrogance and cocksureness.” (Can you say cocksureness in a PG rated blog?!)

“The current U.S. predicament in Iraq serves as another example that when a country’s superiority psychology inflates beyond its real capability, a lot of trouble can be caused”

(Excuse me while I chortle. China is always good for a laugh.)

So, I guess that displacing a few million people to build the worlds biggest disaster… er… dam (which incidentally, has a long list of serious problems) would not be seen as cocksureness in the superiority psychology inflated eyes of the Chinese government.

After years leading Palestinians in their struggle against Israel, Yasser Arafat has decided on a new career. He has accepted an appointment to lead a small, blue race in their own struggle. Arafat will be crowned the new Papa Smurf early next week.

“Smurfs have lived under the thumb of that Semite Dog Gargomel long enough. Under my guidance they will finally live free,” the former PLO leader claimed.

The former Papa Smurf, whose real name is Karl Lafargue, was on hand when Arafat received the news of his appointment. Lafargue has served as Papa Smurf since 1981 and is stepping down from the post citing his failing health. However, inside sources claim that Papa Smurf is bowing to political pressure from militant smurfs who seek to gain independence from Gargomel, a regional war lord.

There was a time, decades ago, that the NAACP was a civil rights organization devoted to defending the life and liberty of Americans of color. Sadly that time has long past and the NAACP is no longer working for the Advancement of Colored People. Instead, it has become the most bigoted and hate driven organization in the DNC’s arsenal.

Case in point:
Georgianne Pitts, “working on behalf of the NAACP National Voter Fund”, has admitted to paying a drug addict to file over 100 false voter registrations. The payment? Crack cocaine.

Chad Station was arrested for filing 124 voter registrations in Toledo, Ohio, using many names, including Mary Poppins, and Janet Jackson. He told police he was filing the false voter cards in return for drugs.

When police searched Ms. Pitts residence they found more drugs and more registration forms.

How could the NAACP condone giving out drugs? Easy. Chad Pitts is white. They’s just bringin’ down da man! Das all, sho’ nuf.

the complete story

Someone please help me! I seem to have forgotten how to add.

Last week (Thur., Oct. 7) Several financial news outlets reported, and I quote, “Jobless Claims Decline Sharply.” An Associated Press article said:

The Labor Department reported Thursday that the number of new people signing up for unemployment insurance benefits dropped by a seasonally adjusted 37,000 to 335,000, the lowest level since the beginning of September. In the prior three weeks, claims had gone up.

The latest snapshot of the layoffs climate was better than economists were expecting. They were expecting claims to decline to around 355,000.

So, that’s great news! Unemployment is down. Right? Well…

This week (Thurs., Oct. 14), an AP article explicitly blamed the Bush administration for the fact that jobless claims are up this week. It states:

The Labor Department said the number of Americans filing new claims for unemployment benefits rose by 15,000 last week to a seasonally adjusted level of 352,000…
…
[The labor market] is continuing to confound economists’ expectations.
…
The administration … argues that its policy … represents the best approach to keeping America competitive in a global economy.

However, the nation has lost 2.7 million manufacturing jobs over the past four years and some sectors vulnerable to foreign trade such as textiles have been particularly hard hit

Ooh doom and gloom. Boooo Bush! Okay. Now for my math problem:

335 + 37 = 372

So, there were about 372,000 jobless claims at the end of September, but only 335,000 the following week. And this was reported as good news. So good in fact that it was “was better than economists were expecting.” They thought it would only go down “to around 355,000.” But this week:

335 + 15 = 350

If claims went up by 15,000 this week, then there should be 350,000 jobless claims this week, but somehow 335 plus 15 is not equal to 350, it’s 352. Okay, whatever. Even if you allow for the rules of addition to be “skewed” a bit:

352 < 372 So, we are STILL better off now than we were two weeks ago. Further more: 352 < 355 Which is to say that we're better off now than even the skeptics thought we would be last week. Never the less, the AP insists that the economy is SO BAD that even economists can't understand it. Apparently, I can't understand it either. As for me and my circle of friends, just three years ago, I and most of my friends WERE unemployed and suffering badly. But somehow, magically, we all found jobs in this horrible economy. We're all employed and prospering. I just got a plump profit sharing check last week that tells me my company is doing VERY well. Hmm. Go figure.

Drudge Report today exposed an election manual distributed by the Democratic National Committee that encourages local democrats to accuse republicans of voter intimidation on election day, EVEN IF NONE EXISTS!

Here’s the complete article, and a copy of the manual.

I just wanted to remind you all of something I said a few weeks ago.

In a previous post I predicted:

In the next 30 days, major media outlets will “marvel” at John Kerry’s “resurgence” in the “polls”. They will credit his “debate skills” and the fact that he is “winning over” Americans with his “firm stand” on Iraq and the economy.

It will happen. Also, everything that appears in quotation marks above will be entirely false and misleading.

And so, here is the latest bilge… er… news.

AP:
“…a recent Time magazine poll showed he [Kerry] has an edge with voters.”
In New Jersey “…polls this week showed Kerry with a single-digit advantage, 49-46 in one survey, 49-41 in another, in the contest for the state’s 15 electoral votes.”
AP’s poll: In September, Bush led 51 to 42. In October the poll is tied 47 to 47.

ABC News:
“Kerry has gained ground among women.”
“Voters trust Kerry over Bush…”
“Independents, key swing voters, divide about evenly, 47 percent for Kerry, 46 percent for Bush.”
“Kerry’s better showing in his base fits with a shift in underlying views…” after the debates.
“Amid rising disenchantment with the war in Iraq, President Bush has lost significant ground.”
“Kerry is scoring against Bush, running ahead in trust to handle five of nine issues tested in this poll, from taxes to education to health care;”
ABC’s poll: Last week, Bush led 50 to 46. This week, the poll is tied 48 to 48.

Reuters:
“President Bush and Democratic Sen. John Kerry remain deadlocked in the White House race going into their final debate”
“Polls show Kerry leads Bush on handling the economy, jobs, health care, education and the environment.”
Reuters Poll: In September, Bush led 47 to 44. This week, the poll is tied, 45 to 45.

Well, I just wanted to remind everyone that I AM psychic, or at least I have a solid grasp on the liberal poo coodies that bring us the news every day.

Thank you berry mush.