For some reason, I tend to view the world through complex metaphors. Remember back when I compared the three most popular operating systems with cars? Yeah. That was great.

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Oh, right. Sorry. I got lost in the glow of my own cleverness for a second there. Aaaanyway. Another, similar analogy occurred to me a while back.

You know how uptight I can get about language. And you know I have no love lost on Microsoft. It occurred to me that my angst for both has the same root cause.

Yes, the English Language is just like Microsoft. I shall elaborate.

For the world of computers to really work, you must have some kind of standards. Hardware and software engineers must come together and agree on some basic rules in order for things to work. If I’m designing a PC, I need to know for certain how the operating system is going to use my memory and processor. If I’m designing an operating system, I have to know for certain how the memory and processor work. If I’m going to create a web browser, like Firefox or Chrome, I must know for certain how the HTML or Flash or image should look when I display it.

The only way to know these things for certain is if the parties involved get together and decide on some rules. We call these “standards” and we call stuff that follows said standards “standard compliant.”

Naturally, Microsoft is involved in almost every standard debate that comes along. They stand right there with everyone else and nod happily. “Yes! We wholeheartedly agree! The HTML box model should work just like you said.” “Oh, yes. Cascading Style Sheets should be handled exactly like that. Mm hmm!”

But then, a few months later, without fail, Microsoft releases some massive software package that ignores, or worse, “improves upon” the standard they just agreed to! AACK!!

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Hey, smarty pants, you just ended that sentence with a preposition!” Well, bully for you. I sure did. But, that’s because I’m using English and English, just like Microsoft, loves to make rules that everyone accepts as gospel, and them break them for no particular reason at all!

We all learned in school that you shouldn’t end with a preposition. But, as it turns out, that rule is bunk! And don’t even get me started on “i before e.” Someone really should rein in that weird rule!

When I met a group of Europeans from various countries, I asked them what language should I learn if I plan to visit. What language do most people speak across Europe? French? German? Spanish? Nope. They agreed. It’s English. So, just like Microsoft, English is slowly taking over the world, with it’s rules all meant to be broken. AACK!!