(Note: It took me about an hour just to type this post. Please read it slowly. *wink*)

I’m slowly learning to type again. If I rest my gimpy arm on the desk, I can use my right hand a little, but not like normal. The worst thing is that I can’t reach the backspace key. I have to reach over with my left hand about every ten key strokes. But this is much better than pecking around with my left hand alone.

Since my last post was dictated through a Vicodin induced haze, I suppose I’ll give it another try.

Last Thursday, I was on my way home from work, commuting on my mountain bike. I was making good time with a slight tail wind and carrying more speed than usual. As I approached the last major intersection before reaching home, I wanted to preserve my momentum. I usually take the sidewalk up to this light, as there is no room between the curb and the cars. But the sidewalk there zigs and zags around some drainage canals and would have killed my speed. And it just happened that the light was green and there was a break in the traffic. So, I zoomed down a driveway and used the asphalt. When I got close to the right-turn lane, I looked over my shoulder to ensure no cars had snuck up that would be turning. While my head was turned, I hit a ridge between the asphalt and the concrete of the turn lane. Before I could blink, my bike shot out from under me. My hands were still on the handle bars when I hit the ground. I estimate I was going about 20 miles per hour when I hit the ground.

I landed hard on my right hip, shoulder, and elbow. The next thing I remember was the dazzling numbness in my right hand (like the worst funny bone hit ever) and the sound of my helmet sliding across the concrete.

I got up quickly, worried about the traffic, and threw my bike into the grass. I couldn’t breathe for a few seconds. I took stock of all of my fingers, and my left wrist, elbow and shoulder worked fine. My right arm was unresponsive. I figured it had just been numbed by the impact. Using me left hand, I worked my right wrist around and rotated my right shoulder. I tried to move my right elbow back and forth. It was not rigid, but was too painful to move more than a little bit.

I unslung my back pack and found the outer pockets had shredded. My cell phone was banged up pretty bad, but it powered back up fine. I called Tammy to come get me then sat down to take a closer look at things. I had to use my camera phone to get a good look at the road rash on my right elbow, since I couldn’t turn my arm enough to see it. My helmet was “warrantied”. (Trek offers to replace a crashed helmet if you send it in to them with an explanation of the crash*.) Other than some scrapes and an out-of-place chain, my bike was fine.

While waiting in the ER (arrived at 7:00, departed at mid-night), I was not in much pain, but started having muscle spasms. My right arm would jolt followed by blinding pain. I think they moved me up the list to avoid having a grown man in the waiting room screaming like a little girl every few minutes.

They gave me some Vicodin and a bed. About an hour later, I headed for radiology. Manipulating my arm for the x-rays produced a lot more girlish screams. Another hour later, the doctor came in, poked it a couple of times, signed a prescription and left. After a tetanus shot, I was on my way home. I was told I’d cracked the head of my radius bone. In layman’s terms, I broke my elbow.

Friday was spent on the couch in a stupor, which was interrupted every hour or so by another wrenching spasm. Not my best Saint Patrick’s day. Saturday, I was still pretty drunk and had to miss Katie’s birthday party. (I was bummed about that. They did a photo scavenger hunt at the mall.) Sunday, I got tired of living like a zombie, so I quit taking the Vicodin. I missed church, but mustered the strength to go to a rehearsal for the Spring musical. Monday I was back to work (although in a much reduced capacity).

This morning, I went to see Dr. Kwong (who rebuilt Tammy’s ankle). He poked around a little and asked me to straighten my arm. Har har. Then he administered some kind of pain killer directly into my elbow joint with a sharpened McDonald’s straw. (No kidding! You could easily slurped a McFlurry through that thing.) It did the job though, and I was able to straighten my arm for the x-rays. My shoulder is fine. Maybe a little sprained. My radius is cracked, although I couldn’t really see it on the films. I’m to keep it “mostly immobile” in the sling for a week. Then more x-rays. He also prescribed some less potent pain meds. So hopefully I can be pain free without being brain free.

That’s about as detailed as I can get without getting fired for taking a three hour lunch.

*Some limits apply.