I was talking to my friend Randy Peterman via IM today, and we decided the Olympic coverage would be much more fun if elves and dwarves were allowed to compete. Here’s a taste of the “Lord of the Olympic Rings Summer Games”:

“Gee Tim, Legolas sure looks good on the high bar this year!”
“That’s right Elfie. Even though the rating system only goes to a perfect 10.0; which I achieved 20 years ago before I became a washed up, witless commentator; Legolas’ quadruple-flip-over-the-bar release move earned him a perfecter 15.0! That’ll be hard to beat.”
“It sure will, Tim. Now, we turn to Gimli on vault.”
“That’s right Elfie. Gimli will be attempting a Full Thorin Oakenshield, which is humanly impossible, giving it a start value ‘outuva’ 17.”
“Ha ha ha. You said ‘outuva’ like it’s some kind of special Gymnastics term, when really it’s just bad grammar. I wonder if Gimli’s beard is going to be a distraction during this vault.”
“That’s right Elfie.”
“What’s right Tim?”
“That’s right Elfie. Here’s the approach! Oooh. Eeeh. Ugh. WOW! That was great. He really stuck that landing. It reminds me of that perfect 10.0 vault I did 20 years ago. Remember that?”
“Yep. It’s a shame Gimli vaulted a good fifteen feet past the landing mat and ‘stuck’ his landing right on top of the entire Romanian team. What a mess.”
“That’s right Elfie. That’s a compound fracture if I ever saw one. It’s not going to help the Romanian’s chances to medal.”