Whoa! Look what I found! One of those blast-from-the-past posts that never got posted. I watched all these movies over a year ago and I just found this in my post queue. I often write quick outlines and save them in my queue so I can come back later and polish them up into my usual blogging excellence. In this case, though, I think I’ll just post the outline. I kind of like the rapid fire style. So here goes: An old dusty Movie Review Roundup!

The Postman – Panned by critics. But I really liked it. Most clever and realistic feeling post-apocalyptic story I’ve seen. Three grins.

Apocalypto – Very exciting. Behind the (ample) gore and action, though, is a tender story. Four grins.

Benny & Joon – Cute, thoughtful. A little sad, but with a happy ending. Plus Depp doing what he does so well: creating a memorable character. Three grins.

A Fistful of Dollars – Gritty, dark, bloody, and just a tiny bit campy. Everything that made spaghetti westerns wonderful. Three grins.

Enemy of the State – Plays heavily on the anti-Patriot Act, privacy garbage. Big brother can ruin your life and there’s nothing you can do about it. Besides all that, still a really fun movie with lots and lots of action. Will Smith, playing Will Smith, does pretty good. Gene Hackman, playing Gene Hackman, but older and grumpier does better. Three grins.

The Bridge On the River Kwai – (“On the river” not “over the river”) Brilliant. Guiness as the “Officer and Gentleman,” stuffed shirt Brit, for whom honor and moral becomes secondary to war effort. William Holden as the “lazy American” doing whatever it takes to get by and save his skin. Both are probably truer than we’d like to believe. A true classic. Five grins.

Bee Movie – Craptastic!! It was the worst episode of Seinfield ever. Dumb, stupid, boring and dumb. Zero grins if I could, but must give it one.

Up – Really good, as usual. Maybe not as good a story (for a kid movie). This one seems to be more targeted at adults. Stop living your life so fast before you miss your chance at adventure. Oh, and bring a tissue box. Stupid movie made my eyes get all sweaty in the first 10 minutes. Four grins.

Mummy Returns – Not bad for a sequel. Lacks the discovery of the first one. Kind of rushes through all the horror of the first movie without much fanfare. Nobody seems to mind that the mummy has been brought back to life AND his girl too. Wasn’t that the whole point of the first movie? Now it happens and it’s almost a subplot. Two grins.

About Schmit – Ugh. Horrible. Boring, depressing, sad, awkward, predictable. There were exactly two laugh-out-loud moments, both of which I saw coming from a mile away. The rest was like getting teeth pulled. One grin.

Dan in Real Life – Why does anyone want to watch these “feel bad” movies? Movies that are depressing and sad. Does it somehow make them feel better about their own crappy lives? Blech. Count me out. One grin.