[Edit: Just to clarify, this is not about cell phones. This is about personal freedom. Comments should answer the more general question posed in paragraph two.]

I’m going to pose a question to my audience. It is a contentious, divisive question. It may well spawn some comment wars. In truth, I kind of hope it does. Not that I’m encouraging angry “flame wars.” But I would like to see some lively (yet courteous) debate. “Why?” you might ask. Because I’m undecided on the issue and I want to see the pros and cons offered. That’s what debate is all about, right?

So here’s the issue: Where do we draw the line between personal freedom and responsible governance?

A community here in the DFW metroplex has proposed an ordinance making it a ticketable offense to use a cell phone while driving in a school zone. Talk radio is all ablaze with the personal freedom crowd attacking the city. They call it a slippery slope. They equate it to smoking bans in liberal cities on both coasts. Some have brought up seat belt and helmet laws in the same context.

However, I dare say that 99% of those bawling about the cell phone ban are in favor of banning abortion and most would prefer our government close it’s iron fist around illegal immigrants.

The difference between a cell phone ban and abortion is, admittedly, elementary. But what I want to know is where is the line? If helmet laws invade our personal rights, what about speed limits? Driver’s licenses? Vehicle taxes? If anti-smoking laws are draconian, why not legalize pot? Cocaine? Meth?

Let’s hear it? After a few days, I’ll come revisit the issue, give my opinion, and try to sort out the best points from both sides.

For the “blondes” in audience (or a particular red-head), let this one sink in for a minute or two.

Always go to other people’s funerals, or else they won’t come to yours.

Wait for it… Wait for it… (Two minutes later, she suddenly laughs.)

Regardless of my views on the origin of the Universe, Darwin has his place.

According to this snopes article, some teens have figured out that drinking bleach will keep you from contracting AIDS. I say, you can bleach the AIDS away and bleach the gene pool at the same time. Bonus!

Per the article, a capful of bleach with not save you from AIDS. However, I propose that a gallon of bleach will absolutely prevent the dreaded disease… by killing you before you have the chance to catch it.

I’ve tried to leave this alone. I was sure that this would blow over and become non-news. But the events of the last week have been too ridiculous for me to ignore any longer. Thus, I’m forced to get out my old soap box and posit my proverbial two cents.

Let me start with a personal story. When I first moved to Colorado Springs (in 1997), I attended a “non-denominational” church a half mile from the college campus. It was great. Just the right kind of teaching and worship. Just the right kind of college group. I met several life-long friends there. I attended the church for several years. But one Sunday, something happened. The head pastor turned the pulpit over to a guy I had not heard of before, but learned much about later. This guy was one of the world’s leading Christian evolutionists. He taught both Sunday morning services, did a Q&A at the Sunday night service, and was “available for discussion” at the Wednesday night service. It was clear that the church leadership were all evolutionists. I was shocked and extremely disappointed. The pastor who’d been teaching me, guiding me through God’s word, entrusted with my relationship with God, had “come out” with a personal belief that I found completely unbiblical.

As I’ve said before, I’m a strict creationist. I don’t mean to say that this evolutionist pastor was going to burn in hell for his beliefs. However, it did mean that we had serious theological differences and I had a choice to make. I chose to leave the church. It was not a form of protest. It was not an emotional “I’ll show him.” It was a careful and prayerful decision. I could not continue to be shepherded by a man who had such a fundamentally different view of scripture.

With that said, let’s look at the current political mess. Bronco Bomber spent about 20 years attending a church led by a man who has made his views abundantly clear. I believe the good Reverend Wright would agree with the following list of, shall we say, derisive statements:

• Black Americans in the 21st century remain economically and politically enslaved to White America.¹
• There is a real possibility that AIDS was created and introduced into the black population by either a conspiracy of white Americans or the U.S. government as a tool to reduce and marginalize the black population in American.²
• The United States government has and continues to support terrorism through its support of the nation if Israel and other regimes.³
• Based on the statements above, white America and the U.S. government deserve any poor treatment that comes their way, including high taxation, “affirmative action” (a.k.a. reverse racism), and even the attacks of 9/11.⁴

Pastor Wrong has been attacked for these statements, but he insists these attacks are not personal. Instead they are attacks against the entire “black church”⁵. (Although, the black church seems to disagree.)

Now you would think that any intelligent person sitting in church listening to their pastor spew this kind of rebarbative poo would make the prayerful and careful decision to get the heck out of there and never come back.

The MSM, while keeping the story afloat, has handled it with kid gloves. You may, as I have, wonder why this hasn’t been a death blow to the Obama campaign, as an affiliation with the Klan would be the end of a white candidate’s campaign. Well, just listen to the first minute of this video, in which Rev. Wrong receives a standing ovation from the National Press Club. The press has not crucified Obama over this because the majority of the MSM agrees with Rev. Wrong. Heck, they love him!!

So why should Bronco Bomber be held liable for the vitriol of his pastor? It was not the Bomber up in that pulpit. Just because his pastor said it doesn’t mean that Bronco believes it. Or does it?

If you grew up in a church; if you, as an adult, have remained in a church for any length of time; you know how your pastor’s views become (if they weren’t already) your own. You can’t sit in the pews year after year under the tutelage of a pastor if you disagree with him on a deep level and certainly not if you find his teachings “appalling,” if they leave you “outraged” and “saddened.” You might give a pastor “the benefit of the doubt” for one or two sermons, but not for 20 years.

Your pastor is not an acquaintance, not an associate, not even an old friend. Your pastor is your shepherd, your teacher, your mentor, the person who shapes your beliefs, who guides your understanding of both your spiritual and physical worlds. (Even the good Rev. Wrong acknowledges this truth.⁶) Your pastor plays a major role in building your character and as we know (and as the MSM continues to deny) character matters.

That is why this story won’t die. And that is why, after months of hem-hawing around, the Bronco Bomber has officially filed for divorce from his pastor. This is political posturing at its worst. (Rev. Wrong called it for exactly what it was.⁷) I say it’s too little and 20 years too late.

____________________________________
In these YouTube references, you can skip to the time referenced by clicking the “pause” button and dragging the little disk left and right until the correct time displays in the counter on the right.
1- Reverend Jeremiah Wright National Press Club pt.3 (2:15-2:50, 3:35-5:14) (Notice all this is in the present tense.), Reverend Jeremiah Wright National Press Club pt.4 (5:05-5:35) (So who, Mr. Wright, is your enemy? Who put you in chains?)
2 – Reverend Jeremiah Wright National Press Club pt.5 (2:25-3:44)
3 – Obama’s Pastor: God Damn America – US To Blame For 9-11 (2:08-2:50)
4 – Reverend Jeremiah Wright National Press Club pt.4 (1:00-1:30, 6:55-9:15)
5 – Reverend Jeremiah Wright National Press Club pt.1 (6:10-6:30)
6 – Reverend Jeremiah Wright National Press Club pt.3 (3:14-3:33)
7 – Reverend Jeremiah Wright National Press Club pt.4 (5:42-6:45)

Since I have so vocally endorsed Ben Stein’s documentary on the subject, and for reasons of full disclosure, I think it’s important that I spend a few minutes discussing Intelligent Design and my personal beliefs.

I) I am a “fundamentalist” Christian.

That is to say, I believe in a strict interpretation of the Christian Bible. I put my eternal faith in, and strive to live according the will of, the God of the ancient Israelites and in Jesus Christ, the Son of God. This also means that I believe in the literal, Biblical account of creation in six days. In other words, I am a “strict creationist.”

II) I believe in the intelligent design of the Universe, but not in Intelligent Design.

Yes, I believe that God created the Universe. However, this is not the same thing as what is commonly referred to as Intelligent Design (or ID). Because I am a strict creationist, when it comes to picking nits, I must disagree with many IDers (several of whom I have met and debated in person) who teach what I call Christian evolution. Christan evolution differs from Darwinian evolution only by the idea that, instead of random mutation, God was the origin of life and “directed” the evolution of all species from a common ancestor.

III) I do not believe that anyone should be forced to conform to my beliefs.

Theocracies are very dangerous and ultimately they fail to produce real believers. If you force someone to live according to your religion, that someone is very unlikely to accept that religion at a heart and soul level, especially a “free will” religion like Christianity.

IV) I do not believe that my view of creation is “scientific” in the strictest sense.

I freely admit that my “strict Genesis” belief is not scientific. That is to say it can not be observed, tested, or reproduced. It is a faith-based stance. That does not mean it is based solely emotions or feelings. I must examine my faith in light of the available evidence. If I find evidence that contradicts my faith, it is my responsibility to question my faith and examine the validity of the evidence. As yet, I have not found any evidence that has caused me to abandon my faith.

V) When it comes to academics, I think a healthy dose of agnosticism is in order.

I am a strict creationist and have to admit this requires faith. If you are an Christian evolutionist, your must admit it requires faith. If you are a Darwinist, you need to admit that it requires faith. (No one can observe, test or reproduce macro evolution any more than I can creation. Does this mean that macro evolution is not “scientific”? Hmm.) Thus, I think we need to teach students that there are many different theories, none of which can be proven. Then we explain the evidence and let them form their own opinions. Right now that is not happening. And that is why I think everyone should go see Expelled.

The movie is not about proving or disproving any particular theory. It is about the fact that, currently, our scientific and academic cultures have become so entrenched in Darwinism (and the resultant antitheism) it has created “Darwin Fundamentalist,” people so devoted to their faith that any one who questions Darwin is professionally crucified. If you think this sounds far fetched or over stated, you really need to see the movie.

Thanks to the Vaughn and Michael (the two guys with whom I traveled to Midland, Texas, and performed on stage at a conference there) I was able to see Ben Stein’s Expelled on opening weekend. The movie screened at one theater in the Midland/Odessa area and both guys were willing to make the 20 minute drive to the theater and watch it with me.

Even better news is that Expelled cracked the top ten for last weekend’s box office receipts pulling in about $3 million. There hasn’t been a peep in the news about it, but, seriously, did anyone expect that there would be?

The movie is spectacular! If you are (or have or know) a student in high school or college, or if you consider yourself “educated,” you really need to see this movie. Ben comes off as the Anti Michael Moore. There are no ambush interviews, no pulling quotes out of context, no tricky re-editing to put words into someone’s mouth. Ben asks simple questions in a very non-confrontational way giving antitheists the rope and allowing them to hang themselves.

This one is a must see, a must own, and a must share.

I know what you’re thinking: “Hey, you already reviewed two of the three Bournes! You must be completely out of ideas. Now you’re just retreading old content just like Hollywood.”

Well, I never… In fact, this is completely new stuff. Except for the two thirds that I’ve said before. So… nuh huh!

Watching the Pirates trilogy got me in the trilogy mood. (If you haven’t read that review, please do. There’s more retread in that post concerning how trilogies generally work.) As I said before, the Pirates trilogy fell into the trap where episode three is too complicated and contrived trying to tie up all the loose ends. Let’s see how Bourne three does. WARNING: Spoilers appear below.

In Identity we are introduced to Jason Bourne. Poor guy has amnesia, doesn’t know who he is, why he is so adept at kicking butt, or why so many people are availing their butts for him to kick. He hooks up with Trippy German Chick who reluctantly helps him learn more about his past. We learn that Jason was an assassin working for a secret CIA program called Treadstone. The guy running Treadstone is dripping with super-evil-Hollywood-hates-government-guys ickiness. Clearly the bad guy. His boss is slightly less icky and tells him to “take care of the problem” that Bourne represents. Of course, Bourne ends up doing all the care taking and super-icky CIA guy ends up dead. Less-icky CIA guy covers up the mess and shuts down Treadstone. Jason and Trippy-German-Chick live happily ever after. Everybody wins.

I absolutely loved this movie. The action, the acting, the script, everything. I had no complaints about and it earned a very rare and coveted five grin rating.

Now for episode two. Supremacy finds Jason and Trippy German Chick living the good life in rural India where out of nowhere somebody comes to kill them. Trippy German Chick takes a bullet intended for Bourne. Now, if you’ve seen Braveheart, you know that if they kill the girl in the first half hour, there’s going to be some serious retribution. Bourne does not disappoint.

Remember good ol’ Less Icky CIA guy? Turns out he’s more icky than we thought. (Insert huge gasp of sarcastic non-surprise.) Bourne assumes that Treadstone is back in action. Insert Non-Icky CIA Chick who fights against the red tape and uncovers Treadstone. Now More Icky CIA Guy sets a record for how many different ways you can say, “You don’t know what you’re dealing with.” This time it turns out Treadstone is not the bad guy per se. Instead, Now More Icky CIA Guy himself has his hands dirty with Russian mafia and he used Bourne to do a hit for the Russkies. Now the Russkies decide to “taken care of the problem” just in case Bourne gets his memory back and exposes their mafianess.

Bourne exposes Now More Icky CIA Guy who takes the coward’s way out (i.e. .32 caliber lobotomy). The Russkies get arrested by the Russian police. (But we all know that didn’t last. C’mon. Russian mafia in a Russian jail? Get real.) And Non-Icky CIA Chick and Bourne have an intimate phone call before Jason disappears. Everybody wins.

Supremacy was a perfect sequel. It was a little bit better than Identity in every way. So naturally, it also earned five grins.

So we’ve come down to it. Will episode three work? Episode two didn’t really leave you hanging on anything, so there’s no contrived lose ends to wrap up… or are there?

I really liked how episode three picked up within minutes of the end of episode two. Bourne has the same injuries and is on the same street that we saw him on as the credits rolled on Supremacy. (Thus reinforcing my opinion that you really get the most out of series movies when you watch them in order within days of each other.) So, if Treadstone is truly dead, both bad CIA guys are gone, the Russkies are in jail, and Bourne is walking free, why are we here? Well. Wouldn’t you know there still people intent on killing Jason Bourne. A pesky newspaper guy has dug deeper than he was supposed to and publishes some stuff about Bourne. Bigger Ickier CIA Boss is really mad about it. Non-Icky CIA Chick is in big trouble for letting Bourne go. Now it’s her job to find him again (and “take care of the problem”) before he and Pesky Newspaper Guy meet up and publish even more stuff not suitable for public consumption. Here’s were things start to stray away from the previous episodes.

We see the CIA machine from the inside, agents appearing out of nowhere, computer wizes hacking into mall surveillance cameras, and Even Ickier CIA Guy ordering CIA Killer to “take ’em out!” It seems much less cloak-and-dagger and much more all-out-war. Non-Icky CIA Chick is as taken aback as we are. When she objects, she gets (surprise surprise) “You don’t know what you’re dealing with.” Turns out Treadstone is now reborn as Blackbriar and Pesky Newspaper Guy has found someone within Blackbriar willing to talk about it. Pesky Newspaper Guy is “dealt with” but Bourne gets away.

Now we’re basically back where we started in episode one. Bourne knows who he is this time, sort of but not really. Now he’s looking for the guy who programmed him. The CIA secret program is trying to kill him. A girl gets involved and has to live on the run. It’s all too familiar.

Still, the acting is brilliant. The action is amazing. The plot is… pretty good, if a little more predictable now that we know the story. Ultimatum ends feeling a bit like a remake rather than a sequel. It still manages to come off as a bit contrived. For that, I’m going to have to dock a couple of grins.

Does Bourne fall victim to the trilogy pitfalls? It’s not a story in three acts (you don’t have a downer act two), so it’s a continually building story. That opens it up for the should have left it alone pitfall (a la Back to the Future, Highlander, and Lethal Weapon). Episode two was better than episode one, but episode three was a bit shaky. I prefer to look at it this way. The first two were off the chart. They got five grins for Pete’s sake! There’s no six grin rating. You can’t beat ’em. When you’ve set the bar as high as it can go, it can only get worse. I don’t fault Ultimatum for not maintaining nearly unattainable awesomeness. The Bourne trilogy is just a casualty of it’s own success.

It came to my attention when I was doing some maintenance on my blog that there as been a serious breech of protocol. It turns out that I have, in fact, published 132 white board quips, NOT 129. Somehow I managed to not count three quips.

So, I must take drastic action and pronounce this week’s quip #133. Rather than going back and editing fifty or sixty old posts to get them up to the correct counts, we’ll just say that quips 130, 131, and 132 were victims of poor accounting and lost to the ether.

I always win. Except when I lose, but then I just don’t count it.

[Ed. Oh, who am I kidding. I can’t stand to leave this alone. I’m going to go back and fix the old ones!! OCD wins again.]

This weekend, I’m going to be in Midland, Texas, performing with a couple other guys from Stage Right Theatre. We’re the entertainment for a conference there. And that’s all cool and stuff, but it means I’m going to miss out of some things here at home.

The one I’m most bummed about is the opening night of Ben Stein’s “Expelled”.

In a scientific world gone mad, EXPELLED: No Intelligence Allowed is the controversial documentary that will chronicle Ben Stein’s confrontation with the Neo-Darwinian machine, exposing widespread suppression and entrenched discrimination in his heroic quest to bring back freedom in our institutions, laboratories and most importantly, in our classrooms, with the help of the world’s top scientists, educators and thinkers.

Basically, this film will expose how academia’s elite antitheists have so overrun out universities and research facilities that it is now pretty much impossible for a scientist to make a living if he lets slip that he believes in any god other than Darwin.

I will see the show. I was just hoping to see it opening night. That’s the best way to make sure a movie like this gets some traction. If it has a bad opening weekend, it won’t last as long in theaters. That’s just how theaters work.

So check it out. Watch the trailer. Read the blog. Find a theater near you that’s screening the flick. And most importantly GO SEE IT!

I sent an email to Master Sargent Louis Ritz, currently stationed in Iraq. He replaced my friend Adam when his tour was complete. I hope you all remember that Adam was the mastermind behind our chocolate drive for wounded warriors.

I contacted MSgt Ritz to get an update on the chocolate supply and to make sure that he passed my contact info on so we could have another drive next fall. This was his reply:

Everything is fine. Wounded warriors love the chocolate. Thanks for your everlasting support. Of course, I will pass along your name to my replacement. You’re like the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and Willy Wonka all wrapped up into one.

I’d have to say that last line is less for me and more for all the folks who contributed. Thank you!!