I got this from my Uncle Robert. I thought it was well worth sharing. I changed the order to put my favorites at the bottom of the list. (See, I’m a comedic genius like that.)

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME

1. When choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
2. To treat high blood pressure simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
3. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
4. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop. (Unless you have high blood pressure. Then you can kill two birds with one stone.)
5. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.
7. You only need two tools in life – WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.