According to the local news, this week is when most folks give up on their new year’s resolutions. It’s supposed to be the favorite time of year for regular gym rats, because all the pasty, flabby, gross (you know, regular) people have finally quit sweating on the cardio machines and hogging the weights and the over-tanned, oily, GNC folks who go to the gym everyday because the want to (sickos) can get back to their regular routines.

Well, I’ve got bad news for the gym rats. Last week, I actually got back to the gym for the first time in a month. As I posted previously, I’ve been battling some sinus cooties that have sapped my energy. I’m back on the horse now** and, I can honestly say, it felt good to get back to the gym.

Of course by, “felt good,” I mean it was a mental boost. “Felt good” is not how I would describe the physical experience. That part really sucked, actually, because the time off and the illness has set me back a bit. But you know what they*** say, “No pain… yeah, no pain. I prefer that!”

Which brings us to WBQofW #256:

My favorite machine at the gym is the one that you put money in and food comes out.

* “Gloots” is what gym rats call their butt muscles. It’s short for “gluteus maximus.” You see it’s funny because the quip is about a vending machine which that makes you fat. Get it? No? Shut up, it’s funny.

** “Back on the horse” means I’m fully recovered and doing normal things. It comes from the ranch where, when you get sick or injured (especially from falling off a horse), your primary goal is to get well so you can ride again. I’m sorry if you’re too citified to understand that.

*** “They” usually refers to the anonymous masses of a culture norm. In this case, “they” refers to me, because unlike the “they” who says stupid things like, “pain is weakness leaving the body,” I say “pain is your body telling you, ‘Hey! Cut that crap out!! It hurts!!'”