Okay. Let me walk you through this slowly, because it’s a little hard to swallow.

In January 2001, 43-year-old Jerry Colaitis was enjoying the show at a Benihana hibachi grill in Long Island. The chef tossed a shrimp in Jerry’s direction, perhaps expecting the patron to catch it in his mouth, like most folks would do. But Jerry tried to dodge the shrimp, straining his neck in the process. So far, I’m thinking, “Well that sucks. He should have eaten the stupid shrimp!”

Five months later, in June 2001, poor old Jerry is going under the knife! Seems that Jerry’s doctor felt that surgery was the only way to cure Jerry’s chronic neck pain. The surgery didn’t go very well and Jerry ended up with some “complications” (whatever that means). Now I’m thinking, “Well that sucks. He needs to find a better chiropractor!”

Five months after that, Jerry checks himself into the hospital with a very severe fever. The next day, Jerry is dead. Not to belittle the fact, but I’m thinking, “Well that sucks. Maybe Jerry’s family should sue the hospital, or maybe even the doctor who did the surgery five months ago.”

But NO! Jerry’s family is not interested in suing the hospital (which would probably pay a lot of money to maintain its image as a safe place) nor are they interested in suing the doctor (who most assuredly has a plump malpractice insurance policy). No, they’re going for the big bucks… the hibachi chef! Cuz everybody knows THOSE guys have all the cash! (You can see it right there in their giant jar of tips. There’s gotta be twenty or thirty bucks in there!)

So now I’m thinking, “Wow, that really sucks. These people need to find a real lawyer instead of the guy who shouts on his commercials during ‘Days of Our Lives’.”

This story would be funny if it wasn’t true, but it is.