I regret that I can not remember exactly where I saw this word first used, but I fully intend to propagate it and do my part to see it added to the English lexicon. It was used in reference to the kinds of people who raise heck in internet discussions when, in fact, they are spouting non-facts and unnecessary controversy that could easily be avoided by spending three minutes studying the truth.

unbrained

Used in a sentence:
How is it that well into the 21st century, unbrained individuals still believe that forwarding an email message, especially one with so many misspellings and grammatical faux pas, will result in Bill Gates sending them money.

Recently, I was digging through the center console of my truck and I came across an unmarked cassette tape. Curious, I plugged it in. I was awash in nostalgia. It was a tape I had made in college when I used to record the Doctor Demento Show every week. I’ve been listening to that tape on my way to work and back for over a week now, and, woo dawgy, have I got some great white board quips queued up.

“Oh my G-d! That bowling ball! It’s my wife!”

Okay, I’m dating myself with this one, but who remembers Les Nessman? He was the neurotic news man at WKRP in Cincinnati. Okay, who remembers his “office”? Poor old Les lived in the days before cubicles, so he didn’t even have the luxury of five foot, cloth covered, pseudo walls that we have today. Instead, Les had bright yellow tape on the floor around his desk and even a “dashed” section of his “wall” to represent the door. He would usually ignore people who addressed him without first pretending to open his “door”.

I often think of Les Nessman when I’m in a cubicle farm, those doorless mazes for conducting “The Rat Race”. Cubicles never have doors. Even the nicest offices leave their racing rats exposed to unwelcome guests and constant interruptions, not to mention prying eyes that are always interested in what you’re surfing.

That is until now! For a mere $29.95 (plus shipping and handling) you too can have what Les Nessman could only dream of; a DOOR! Check out cubedoor.com. This is a link from a link from a link sent to me by my old buddy Randy Peterman (aka Randypants).

In a twist of bitter irony, I have achieved the pinnacle of cubicle status in that I dwell in a cubicle with a large window. Yes, I can actually watch the squirrels, and they, in fact, are merry. But as a result of being at the top of the racing rat food chain, one side of my cube “door” is a window. Thus the above mentioned CubeDoor will not work on my cube.

. . .

“KHAAAAAANN!”

This little jewel is from Scott Adams, the Grand Poobah of cubicle humor.

“Stop ruining my slogans with your logic!”

You can see the entire strip here.

I’ve heard of some big babies. Nine pounds, nine and a half, maybe even ten. You know, the kind of baby that makes you think “OW!”

Well, hold on to your jaw.

Francisca Ramos dos Santos of Salvador, Brazil is the proud mother of a bouncing baby boy, weighing… seriously, you need to be sitting down for this… 16.7 pounds! That’s closer to the average weight of a six month old. In case you were wondering, a hospital offical said, “Obviously the baby was born by Caesarean section.” THANK GOODNESS!!

Complete article.

It is truly a brave new world. Thank God for technology in the 21st century. After tens of thousands of years, mankind has finally “arrived”. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it’s true. Believe it or not, man has toilet trained elephants!

Toilet trained elephants?!

Yep. They’re even talking about turning the properly pottying pachyderms into a tourist attraction. And you thought your job sucked. Can you imagine how much Charmin an elephant uses? Gives a whole new meaning to “jumbo roll”.

Read the complete article here.

Ripped (or should I say wiped) from Randypants.

I keep no secrets when it comes to my opinion of “big media” in the U.S. I cheered when Dan Rather was disgraced for finally getting caught with his hand in the cookie jar. It only took 25 years to catch him, but at least he’s caught.

I am a strong supporter of what has come to be known as the Couric Expeditionary Force. That is where we take Katie Couric, Dan Rather, and a handfull of other fat-headed, cowardly, elitist, media liars; put M-16s in their hands and American flag on their backs and drop them from a blackhawk deep in the Sudan.

With that in mind, let me share with you an article written by a “boots on the ground” commander in Iraq. “LTC Tim Ryan is Commander, Task Force 2-12 Cavalry, First Cavalry Division in Iraq. He led troops into battle in Fallujah late last year and is now involved in security operations for the upcoming elections. He wrote the following during “down time” after the Fallujah operation.”

The complete article is on WordTribune.com.

Here are a couple of excepts:

“All right, I’ve had enough. I am tired of reading distorted and grossly exaggerated stories from major news organizations about the “failures” in the war in Iraq.”

“Through their incomplete, uninformed and unbalanced reporting, many members of the media covering the war in Iraq are aiding and abetting the enemy.”

“What if domestic news outlets continually fed American readers headlines like: “Bloody Week on U.S. Highways: Some 700 Killed,” or “More Than 900 Americans Die Weekly from Obesity-Related Diseases”? Both of these headlines might be true statistically, but do they really represent accurate pictures of the situations?”

“Earlier this year, the Iraqi government banned Al Jazeera from the country for its inaccurate reporting. Wonder where they get their information now? Well, if you go to the Internet, you’ll find a web link from the Al Jazeera home page to CNN’s home page. Very interesting.”

“What about the thousands of things that go right every day and are never reported? Complete a multi-million-dollar sewer project and no one wants to cover it, but let one car bomb go off and it makes headlines. With each headline, the enemy scores another point and the good-guys lose one. This method of scoring slowly is eroding domestic and international support while fueling the enemy’s cause.”

“Much worse are the “talking heads” who sit in studios or offices back home and pontificate about how badly things are going when they never have been to Iraq and only occasionally leave Manhattan.”

“I find it amazing that some people are more apt to listen to a movie star’s or rock singer’s view on how we should prosecute world affairs than to someone whose profession it is to know how these things should go. I play the guitar, but Bruce Springsteen doesn’t listen to me play. Why should I be subjected to his views on the validity of the war?”

“Ironically, the press freedom that we have brought to this part of the world is providing support for the enemy we fight.”

Yep. I’m sorry to say, I’ve given in and fallen for one of the web’s most ancient evils… the Meme list.

CD I have in my car that I roll up the windows to listen to
It’s actually a cassette tape of my favorite Doctor Demento songs.

Book I read flat so no one could see the title
PVP The Dork Ages

Crappiest song ever sung at karaoke
Yellow Submarine

Bad movie I watch repeatedly
Bubble Boy. Seriously, though, I still think this movie SHOULD BE a cult classic. But it’s not… *pout*

Article of clothing I love though I know it’s wrong
Any number of t-shirts that Tammy won’t let out of the house. Particularly one with a line drawn face picking its nose with the caption, “WHO CARES?”

What I order at the bar when no one is listening
As if I ever go to bars. But when I do it’s usually water with lime.

Fast food item I adore
Chipotle!!!!

A TV show that is a good example of the downfall of civilization that I love anyway
King of the Hill. I swear I grew up with some of those people. I AM related to Bobby Hill. Just with a slightly different name.

This came down the pipe from Mouse Words, to Rox Populi, to A Small Victory, to Apropos of Something, to me.

I’ve always wanted to be an inventor. One of the less obvious perks is that you not only get to invent new and wonderful things, you also get to invent new and wonderful words to describe those things.

Case in point: The Flybar

No! This is NOT just another pogo stick. It’s a “fully adjustable elastomeric spring system”.

Elastomeric…

Are you sure you can say that in public?

I’m going to start using that in ALL my conversations!!

Man! This Freebirds Monster Burrito is elastomeric!

Dude, your 80 horsepower Honda Civic with the coffee can exhaust and four foot aluminum wing is TOTALLY ELASTOMERIC!!

Check out the Flybar official web site (flash intensive). It looks pretty cool, although just watching the videos makes my knee ligaments pop.

If you know me, you know I’m into web design, CSS, and the standards compliance trend. And if you’ve been to this site a few times, I hope you will have taken the time to visit the CSS Zen Garden.

To really understand CZG and all it represents, you have to notice a couple of things on that site. First, click on any number of the “Select a Design” links. Then, you have to understand that the HTML code that generates all those design pages is exactly the same. Yes. The code is exactly the same. The only thing that changes is the style sheet or CSS file. That’s the point of the page. Pretty cool, huh?

Now, imagine taking this really cool concept and wicked awesome technology to the absolute end of the WRONG end of the spectrum. Exhibit A: The Really Bad CSS Zen Garden Page.

As you can see, standards compliant CSS design is not, by default, good design. This was just a really good jab at design elitists and I had to share.