WBQotW #15 is another quip from my old Doctor Demento cassette tape. This is from “The Happy Happy Joy Joy Song” of Ren and Stimpy fame.

“I told you I’d shoot, but you didn’t believe me! WHY didn’t you believe me?!”

It has only happened to me a handful of times in my whole life. Last night, I was feeling kinda weird. I was really tired at about 8:00 PM. I decided to listen to my body and go to bed early. Then, I woke up at about 10:00 PM. I laid in bed staring at the ceiling, and listening to my wife, Tammy, grind her teeth.

By midnight I was going nuts, so I decided to get up and find some activity that would put me to sleep. I watched a couple of movies I didn’t really care about. I read for a while. I tried playing some internet puzzle games. Then I read some more.

Tammy gets up at 4:30 AM (She has to be at work at 6… blech!) and when she got up, I was still sitting in front of my computer reading a really dull book. I took the rare opportunity to spend some time with her in the morning.

I got to work at 5:30 AM. It’s now almost 9 AM and I feel all kooky. I’m not so much sleepy as just in a fog. I am SO glad that I don’t suffer from insomnia. I would be ready to kill somebody if I had to go through this on a regular basis.

I don’t remember where I got this one, but I know I’ve seen it acted out in reality more than once.

“Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.”

Heaven help us! What has the world come to?

These two evil vixens, Taylor and Lindsey (such insidious names), were found guilty this week of scaring the wits out of a peaceful law abiding citizen of Durango, Colorado, with … cookies.

That’s right! Cookies! Those most frightening of all baked goods. Last July, “The T and L Club”, as they are referred to in ubber-villain circles, asked their parents if they could bake cookies for their neighbors after their chores were done, rather than go to a school dance where they might encounter “cursing and drinking”. A likely story!! With their parent’s consent, this terrible twosome baked batches of chocolate-chip and sugar cookies and packages them in small tins decorated with red and pink hearts! OH THE HUMANITY!!

But fear not, good citizens, because justice has been dealt. One of their victims had the nerve to bring them to justice. That’s right! Wantia Renea Young, 49, filed suit against the girls to pay for her medical bills, as well as pain and suffering, when she ended up in the hospital after suffering a “severe anxiety attack”. It seems that when the girls knocked on Mrs. Young’s door to drop of the cookies at 10:30 PM, she mistook them for the boogie man, or some other imaginary foe, and her heart just couldn’t take it.

She was awarded $900 to cover the cost of her E.R. visit, but was not paid for her pain nor her suffering. “The victory wasn’t sweet,” she said. But apparently the cookies were.

Wanita said that she believes that the girls should not have been running from door to door late at night. “Something bad could have happened to them.” Indeed. They could lose $900 to some… well… bad person.

If you’d like to call and thank Mrs. Young for protecting us all from the evil of sugary pastries, her home phone number is (970) 259-6130. (I luvs me some information super-highway.)

Read the complete article.

I read an ominous story this morning about a new STD called LGV (lymphogranuloma venereum). There have been almost 100 cases in Europe and just this week there were 6 cases confirmed in the US.

“LGV is a serious condition and its emergence in New York City reflects continuing high levels of unsafe sexual activity among men who have sex with men.”
…
LGV can cause serious illness, permanent disfigurement and fuel the spread of AIDS.

I don’t mean to sound “intolerant” (pfft) or anything, but I sure wish all these “men who have sex with men” would cut it out. The next time I hear someone say that homosexuality doesn’t hurt anyone, I think I’ll hit them in the mouth.

Here’s the complete article.

One of the cool things about my BlueHost account is the great tracking software they offer. I can use Webalizer to see all kinds of stats on my (several) web sites.

A get a real kick out of the “Seach Engine Search Strings” section. It shows me what folks typed into their search engine that resulted in a link to my site. Here are a few that I don’t quite understand.

big feet (I don’t think size 12 is so unusual.)

dave berry philadelphia dumb (I don’t think Dave Berry is dumb. I can’t speak for Philly.)

clip and pictures of bath scene with kidman and bright (Yyyyeah. I’m fresh out of those. Sorry.)

one arm bandit clip dukes of hazzard (Ah. The rednecks are ONLINE!)

five syllable names boys girls (Please don’t do that to your kid.)

rnc091604 (10-4, right back at ya, good buddy.)

arafat papa smurf (Believe it or not, I got a TON of hits from this.)

cartoon smirf information (I do NOT watch the Smurfs…. I swear!)

explosive and non complient children (Yeah, you really have to watch out for non-compliant, explosive children.)

(Edit: Updated links)This is wicked awesome. Check out these animated gifs about Crazy Boromir. If you read as slow as I do, you’ll have to watch them loop two or three times to get all the dialog.

Boromir’s Imaginary Phone

Boromir’s Ninja Wizard Plan

Boromir’s Catapult Plan

You know you’re a hopeless LOTR geek when stuff like this eats up 30 minutes of an otherwise productive day.

As I’ve mentioned before, driving while talking on a cell phone is BAD! Once again, it has been proven.

A University of Utah study confirms that driving while talking on a cell phone slows reflexes and leads to other detrimental driving habits.

Cell phone distraction causes 2,600 deaths and 330,000 injuries in the United States every year…
If you put a 20-year-old driver behind the wheel with a cell phone, their reaction times are the same as a 70-year-old driver who is not using a cell phone.

So not only does cell phone use lead to more accidents, the slowed driving style means slower traffic flow and increased traffic congestion.

So STOP IT!

This was a wonderful case of the press reporting a story that made the press look bad, then promptly “spinning” the story to make America look worse.

USA Today reported the results of a survey of over 100,000 US high school students. Over 1/3 of the students responded that the press should have less freedom, and that the government should be able to “approve” content before it is reported.

Now, to me that says that America’s youth are just as sick and tired of media mouths and daily liberal spin as the I am. No, I’m not saying we should repeal the first amendment, but I am saying that the pendulum has swung and the press is going to have to learn to be more responsible one way or another.

What does USA Today think about the survey results?

Kids aren’t learning enough about the First Amendment in history, civics or English classes.

Whaa?! How could they possibly blame this on the education system?! In the very next sentence they say:

It also tracks closely with recent findings of adults’ attitudes.

Okay, so if it’s the school’s fault that the kids don’t trust the media, then whom do you blame for the adults’ attitudes? … No response.

One other interesting fact from that survey: A whopping 75% of students responded that it should be illegal to burn the American flag as a political protest. That is, of course, unless the protesters wrap themselves in the flag before igniting it. *smirk*