My buddy Randy Peterman (aka Randy-pants) has been “pord-casting” for a little while now. For the uninitiated, pod-casting is the geek term for putting sound files (such as music or recordings of your cat passing a hair ball) on to the internet for all to enjoy. The technology was originally engineered for folks to download music libraries on to their iPod MP3 players, but has grown into a huge waste of time for millions of people… kind of like blogging.

To be honest it’s a dad-blamed miracle I haven’t started this myself considering that my favorite toy growing up was a fisher price tape recorder which I would use to record and then listen to myself doing, well, just about anything. Still, I just can’t think that I would have much to share that the world would be interested in hearing. Then again, I felt the same way about blogging at one point. My other excuse is that I don’t have the equipment to produce a pod-cast, meaning a microphone.

So anywhoo, I know that pod-casting is the next big thing and it’s probably just a matter of time before I take up the mike. As a sign of the impending pod-splosion, my favorite web-comic, PvP, as started a story arc about pod-casting which you can see here.

Resistance is futile! Cast thy pod upon the net!

When I updated my blog software a few days ago, I made a back-up of the database. In so doing, I found a database table that I had forgotten about. It contains a long list of “Conversation Enhancements”. I’ve posted a few of these linguistic paragons in the past, but I hope to do so more often.

Just as a reminder, I post these gems as a public service so that you might put them to use in your daily repartee. Think of them as the sprinkles upon the donut of your vocabulary; the gold glitter upon the finger-painting that is your communiqué; the whoopee cushions that… well, you get the idea.

He’s a vacuum in the universe of clue.

I just upgraded my blog software to the latest version, WordPress 1.5. It may take me a bit to get the layout and such back up to snuff. You’re visit is important to us. Then next available css file will be with you shortly.

If you will recall, last year I posted about the impending release of the new Dukes of Hazard movie. Due to the relentless march of time, they movie is almost here and, from the movie trailer I can see that my prediction of “the most sucktacular movie of all time” seems to be safe. Every scene in the trailer that includes Jessica Simpson’s Daisy is full of raunchy double-entendre that I’m quite sure Simpson herself did not really understand. And there are several clips in which “Stifler” and Knoxville, playing the Duke boys, seem to have left the set of the Dukes of Hazard and stumbled onto the set of American Pie 4.

Now, I have to confess something here. It’s not easy for me to admit, being a hard core geek, but when I was a young niblet, I was a huge Dukes fan. As I gained wisdom with age, I learned that “red neck” is not a desirable title and shed almost all vestiges of the lifestyle… almost. I’m still a NASCAR fan and have a favorite driver, even though I can’t help but make fun of the ridiculous southern accent that is the language of NASCAR.

I do still have some respect for the original TV series and I take it seriously when one of the original cast members cuts loose on the Hollywood version. Ben Jones played the lovable Cooter on the TV series (and was later elected to Congress… wow). He now runs a Dukes of Hazard museum and is the most outspoken of the original cast. He posted a news item on his web site concerning the new movie and I think it needs to be shared. You can read the entire post here.

The folks who love our show have kept it alive and well, despite the lack of respect it has been shown by “Hollywood” … The “Dukes” movie is a sleazy insult to all of us who have cared about the “Dukes of Hazzard” … Ours is a classic family show with positive values, great action, wonderful slapstick comedy, mighty fine country music, and a very gifted cast who had great chemistry … I haven’t seen the film, but I have read the script, I’ve talked to a lot of people who worked on the set, and I’ve seen the raunchy t.v. commercial. Frankly, I think the whole project shows an arrogant disrespect for our show, for our cast, for America’s families, and for the sensibilities of the heartland of our country. Unless they clean it up before the August 5th release date I would strongly recommend that true blue Dukes fans hold their noses and pass this one up. And whatever you do, don’t take any youngsters to see it. As plain as I can put it, the only thing this movie shares with our show is the title.

So there you have it. Cooter says, “No!” and I am inclined to agree.

I have found that the more I work with youth, the more I find myself using more and more obscure references to “curse” words. (And apparently I use the word “more” more and more as well.) I caught this fine example in today’s Dilbert:

Monkey Hurlage

Niiiice.

Another great source for alternative expletives is the movie “Elf” (which I watched last night), especially if you check out the DVD extras and get to see all of Will Ferrell’s ad-libbing. (On a side note, I love “Elf” and give it four grins. I feel that this is Will Ferrell’s best (and cleanest) movie yet.)

Nobody notices what I do, until I don’t do it.

WBQotW #33 makes me sad. Not because I feel the pain of this experience, but because I know so many people who do. They should try to be more like Wally and me. We do as little work as possible to avoid setting the precedent expectation of productivity. But if my boss is reading this, then rest assured the above statement was purely non-factual and only stated for the sake of humor. Oh, and please pay no attention to the time stamp of this post.

The New York Times reports that clever, humorous or even biting satirical t-shirts “have suddenly become the hipster’s preferred mode of expression.”

Suddenly?! Dude, I so hate New Yorkers. Just because they have “discovered” something new to them, they assume it’s new to the whole world. Where were they in 1989 when I started wearing freaky t-shirts (and even designing and producing my own)!? My old friend Galyn and I used to dazzle our summer school class mates with our bizarre fair of t-shirt madness. Ahh, those were the days! “Big Spotted Hoodoos” and “Fat Ugly Hula Girls”. I think I still have my hula girl shirt. I’ll dig it out and get a digi pic as soon as I get home! Then I’ll have to update this post with it, so check back later!!

The t-shirt trends have meandered through history, but they are no more potent now than they were back in my day (or even earlier, lest we forget the t-shirts of the sixties and seventies). In fact, many of today’s t-shirt “giants” are nothing more than unapologetic rip-offs of the previous generation. Charlatans!!

So, New Yorkers (and all you teenagers) who think you’re so groovy for “discovering” hip t-shirts, I have only one thing to say to you… PBPBPBBPBPBPBBPBPP!!!!

Here is the complete article. (It requires a log in. It’s free to register, but you can use mine: darkmanwork@hotmail.com / nytsucks)

Whew… I’m back and I have just about caught up.

Sunday, July 10th, after church, the middle school kids from our church loaded up in three buses an SUV and a pick-up. If I remember right we had 42 seventh and eighth graders and 22 sponsors (many of whom where high schoolers). We headed out for San Antonio, Texas. Six hours later we were settling in to our digs for the week, a church gymnasium with some temporary classrooms on one side (divided by those slidy wall/curtain things). The smart few (including myself) brought air mattresses as we spent the week sleeping on the hardwood floors.

We split up into three VBS groups and one work crew. All but a couple of the seventh graders were on the work crew and spent the week cleaning, scraping and painting a small church building. The VBS groups did small Vacation Bible Schools at various inner-city housing projects. We were working with kids from three to twelve years old teaching them songs (from “Herman the Worm” to “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands”), doing crafts, teaching Bible lessons, and (most importantly) playing with and loving on the kids in the hood.

Click to see my pictures from the mission trip.

It was a great experience. Yes, it was brutally hot. Yes, we were all pretty far from our comfort zones. Yes, we spent several days washing out hair with dog shampoo (after learning that some of the children had head lice). But ultimately I will carry the lessons I learned with me for life. God is so big. Watching God use broken vessels like us to pour out his love on kids who don’t get much love anywhere else was an honestly life-changing experience. Do me a favor and pray for the summer missionaries who spend months down in the trenches, sharing the love of Christ all over the country with kids in need.

On Friday, Tammy came down and picked me up to go to a family reunion at my folk’s ranch in La Grange. We were there a day and a half and had a blast getting to know distant family members we’d never met before and catching up with those that we don’t get to see often.

Click to see my pictures from the reunion. (The directory called “Big” is just for Uncle Robert. It’s the high-res versions.)

We left La Grange Saturday around noon and made it back to Arlington in time to catch the “One Voice” concert at Six Flags. Super Chick, Thousand Foot Krutch, and Third Day were all phenomenal! The Third Day set alone was worth the cost of the tickets. I am just now getting my voice back.

So (*pant pant*) there you have it. My week of vacation in 500 words or less.

I am back! Look for a long personal update soon. In the mean time, enjoy this week’s white board quip.

If you blow in a dog’s face, he’ll get mad at you, but take him for a ride in the car, the first thing he does is stick his head out of the window!

As I mentioned in my last post, I’m going to be out of town all next week. I am going on the “Mission Tour” with our church’s middle school youth. (Don’t ask me the difference between a mission tour and a mission trip, because I haven’t figured it out myself yet.) Yes, I’m going to spend all next week in Munchkin Land. It should be a great time to build some relationships with the younger kids in the youth group. I’m looking forward to it, even though it will be hard work.

We are going to San Antonio and our middle schoolers will be leading Vacation Bible School in several inner city churches and doing some community out reach. All I really know so far is that it’s going to be really really hot and we’re going to be sleeping on the floor. So, yeah, it’s pretty much what you’d expect while serving in God’s army.

Please pray for the kids and me next week and please pray for London. If you are not a Christian, wish me luck (or what ever it is you place your faith in) and pray for London anyway.