I really enjoy the old Pink Panther movies. Peter Sellers was a comedic genius. Steve Martin, I feel, is also a comedic genius, but in a completely different realm.

As much as I love Steve’s work, I was very skeptical when I heard he was doing a Panther remake. I feel so strongly about Sellers’ Clouseau, I was certain that Martin’s Couseau would not live up. Tammy really wanted to see the film and I was curious how it would measure up. I went in with low expectations and they were met… barely.

50% of Peter Sellers’ humor (especially in the Pather series) came from his accents. Clouseau’s outlandish French lives in the pantheon of funny accents. The other characters had decent accents (French, German, Russian, etc.) unlike most American movies in which any foreign character has a British accent.

In this new incarnation, Martin does have a few lines which attempt to make fun of his (poorly done) French accent. But seriously, how does “dehbuugahh” sound like a French person saying “hamburger”? To make Martin’s French sound more French, the other characters were given (surprise surprise) British accents rather than French. Kevin Kline, who plays Chief Inspector Dreyfus, sounds about as French as Madonna and I know he can do a flawless French accent thanks to his brilliant performance in “French Kiss”.

You can’t do the Pink Panther without doing some physical humor. While I’ve always thought this was Steve Martin’s forte, he didn’t really deliver as Clouseau. The best pratfalls were in the trailer. (This is a HUGE pet peeve of mine.) The movie was much more predictable than it’s predecessors. I found I was laughing, but I wasn’t laughing at the jokes. I was laughing at how bad the jokes were.

Tammy isn’t a big fan of comedies in the slap-stick/silly variety, but she is a huge fan of Martin’s later work in “family comedies”. She summed it up best when the lights came up. “That was really really bad.”

Sorry, Steve, but I’m afraid you struck out on this one. I give it two out of five grins.

Remember the good old days when life was simple and going to a gym had nothing to do with new years resolutions. This week’s white board quip draws on those days of yore. I give you… Garth.

She makes me feel kinda funny like when we used to climb the rope in gym class.

I’m pretty sure Garth was “on the wing” for that girl. *wink*

Does anyone know how “the birds and the bees” have anything to do with sex education? Birds lay eggs in nests and bees have one queen and hundreds of drones which fertilize her. Dude, if that is what sex is supposed to be like, I’m very very lost.

Maybe it’s because I made it all the way through public school with only one chapter of Sex Ed. (8th grade health class was probably the most uncomfortable time of my entire life.)

Many people tell me sex education should start at birth.
Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders

Yeah. I’m sure the Feds would do a much better job of teaching about these things.*

Man, I said “sex” five times in one post. This should get me tons of google hits!

(* Please read that sentence with as much sarcasm as you can muster. Imagine Bill Maher talking about Pat Robertson for President and then bump it up a notch from there.)

As we prepare for “tax time”, I offer you a parable on economics.

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for dinner. The bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth pays $1.
The sixth pays $3.
The seventh $7.
The eighth $12.
The ninth $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that’s what they decided to do. The ten men ate dinner in the restaurant every day, and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve.

“Since you are all such good customers,” he said, “I’m going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20.” So now dinner for the ten only cost $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes. So the first four men were unaffected. They would still eat for free. But what about the other six, the paying customers? How could they divvy up the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his “fair share?”

The six men realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being “paid” to eat their meal. So the restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:

The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% savings).
The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28% savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to eat for free. But, once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.

“I only got a dollar out of the $20,” declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth. “But he got $10!”

“Yeah, that’s right,” exclaimed the fifth man. “I only saved a dollar, too. It’s unfair that he got ten times more than me!”

“That’s true!” shouted the seventh man. “Why should he get $10 back when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!”

“Wait a minute,” yelled the first four men in unison. “We didn’t get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!”

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn’t show up for dinner, so the nine sat down and ate without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn’t have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up at the table anymore. There are lots of good restaurants in Europe and the Caribbean.

According to Snopes, this parable has been told and retold so many times, no one knows who the original author is. So as of now, I’m taking credit for it! And if you want to copy it, just send me $1000. *evil grin*

It’s March 1st and it’s 90 degrees in Dallas. 90!! The spring fever is spreading fast at my office. The latest fad with the guys here is mountain biking. I’ve been biking for a couple of years now, but in the last month, three of my co-workers have bought new mountain bikes. (That’s how things go around here. In January they all bought remote controlled helicopters. *roll eyes*)

Anyway, we’ve all been dying for some warmer weather so we could hit some trails. We did just that yesterday. We squeezed in about 45 minutes at Horseshoe on the south shore of Lake Grapevine between work and dark (5:45 – 6:30). It was a great ride! It was Raju’s first time on his new bike, and only the second time out for Alan and Bob. No big crashes this time. *wink*

Rain is supposed come back later in the week, so today was my best chance for riding to work. It’s an 8.5 mile ride through heavy traffic. This morning I cut my ride time down to 39 minutes! It sure feels good to get the blood pumping again. Winter was not kind to my waist line.

Anyway, all this biking (on-road and off) reminded me of a great video I’ve had sitting around for ages. From what I can tell, it’s a bunch of NYC bike curriers doing a race. Most are on road bikes, but there are a couple of mountain bikes too. These guys are absolutely nuts. The first time I watched this, it totally changed my attitude about riding in traffic. Even now I look at it more as a fun challenge than deadly danger (although it really is the latter).

The file is hugimungous, so please do a right-click-save-as.

Clicky clicky!