If you’re resting on your laurels, you’re wearing them on the wrong end!

Q: What did the tourist say when he called his friends from his hotel in Cuba?

A: Havana great time!

Q: Why did the Siamese girl break up with her boyfriend?

A: He was dating her sister behind her back.

Ohhh. That’s really bad.

Q: Why did the health department shut down the Italian restaurant?

A: The kitchen couldn’t pasta inspection.

Doctor: You really need to cut back on the martinis!

Patient: Why do you say that?

Doctor: Your urine sample had an olive in it!

I was about to head out the door to work in Colorado Springs. I turned on the TV to check the weather to see which coat to wear. (Colorado weather in September is tricky.) Instead of the weather, I saw a massive fire in one of the World Trade Center buildings. I had just enough time to think, “Wow! How are they going to put that out?” when the second plane hit (live). My mouth fell open and my knees went weak. I sat on the couch just like that for the next three hours or so. When I finally got to work, it was so eerily quiet. In Colorado Springs there are *always* several planes in the air and contrails crisscrossing the sky (US Air Force Academy and two USAF bases near by). But that day, there was nothing. Just clear, blue, silent skies. It was like the whole world was feeling the same silent shock I was feeling.

Where were you? What’s your 9/11 story?

Q: What did the beauty queen say when she found a gray hair?

A: “I could just dye!”

Did you hear about the backward poet?

Yeah. He only writes inverse.

A neutron goes into a bar and asked the bartender, “How much for a beer?”

The bartender answers, “For you? No charge!”

Two Eskimos were fishing from their small canoe. The decided to light a fire to keep warm, but the fire spread and the boat sank. They should have known, you can’t have you kayak and heat it too.