Q: Why are elephants big, gray, and wrinkly?

A: Because if they were small, white, and hard, they’d be aspirin.

Q1: How can you tell if there’s an elephant in your refrigerator?

A1: Elephant footprints in the butter.

Q2: How can you tell if there are two elephants in your refrigerator?

A2: You can hear them giggling when the light goes out.

Q3: How can you tell if there are three elephants in your refrigerator?

A3: It’s really hard to close the door.

Q4: How can you tell if there are four elephants in your refrigerator?

A4: There will be a Mini Cooper parked next to it.

Q1: How many elephants can you fit in a Mini Cooper?

A1: Four. Two in the front and two in the back.

Q2: How many giraffes can you fit in a Mini Cooper?

A2: None! It’s already full of elephants!

I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger. And then it hit me!

Q: What did the zero say to the eight?

A: “Nice belt!”

Don’t you love new software?! Don’t you love all the great new features?! Don’t you love when the developers come up with some change that no one really wanted or had any reason to care about until they changed it and made life all the more difficult for you?!?! Yaaaay!!

Ok, so if you’ve been on the interwebs for any amount of time, you’ve see that odd little thing in front of the web address: “http://” This is what we in the bidnis call the “protocol.” 99% of the time, you’ll either see http or https (which means it’s using a SSL secured connection).

Firefox 7, just for grins and giggles, hides the protocol in the address bar. So, you don’t see “https://mybank.com/login”. You just see “mybank.com/login”. Gah! er… I mean… Yaaaay!

But why, you might ask, do I care what protocol is being used?

Well, I would say in a patronizing tone, you might need to see for certain that your connection is secure (https) before you put your username and password into your bank’s website (else someone would be able to intercept your request and steal your login) or put your credit card number on a web form (or someone might steal your number), or maybe your employer blocks http://facebook.com, but you’ve discovered that they don’t block https://facebook.com. There are many reasons why you might want to see and change the protocol.

In my line of work (I’m a web developer), the protocol is very important. I need to be sure that certain pages of the site I maintain are secure and that others aren’t. (https is slower, so only use it if you need it!) So I really really need to be able to see the protocol.

Thankfully, Google had the answer for me. (Google knows everything.) There is a config setting in Firefox to stop it from trimming the URL. Thanks Google! And thank you, Firefox 7 developer who thought this would be a neat feature, for wasting an hour of my life.

When I was down, a friend of mine came over and told me ten jokes to try and make me feel better. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

…

“No pun intended!” C’mon, people.

Q: What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

A: Beer nuts are a dollar fifty, but deer nuts are under buck.

Q: What is the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver?

A: One goes “WHACK!” and then says, “Darn!” The other says, “Darn!” and then goes “WHACK!”

Q: Why does a chicken coup always have two doors?

A: Because if it had four doors, it’d be a chicken sedan.