Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K. – Ted

Please tell me you know the movie from which this quip came. Please.

Hey, everybody! Long time no see! It’s Work From Home Friday!!

It’s a good thing I have such a great sense of humor. Seriously.

But first, this week’s white board quip:

I’m on the Zoloft to keep from killin’ ya’ll. – Mike Tyson

You know that Tammy and I have been breaking our backs to get our house ready to sell. It is currently immaculate. It’s so clean I’m afraid to walk around in it. No boogers are to be flicked in this house for the foreseeable future.

Two weeks ago, while we were deep in the midst of the renovations, our neighbor to the right decided to renovate his bathroom. Great! Good for him. Except that every night, he washed out all his tools in the gutter, up hill from our house. The street isn’t quite level and water pools in front of our drive way, which means, while we were fighting to perfect our curb appeal, our curb was peeling with grout and tile dust. Notsome!

We borrowed a power sprayer (Thanks Vaughn!) and washed the street in front of our house AND our neighbors house. That’s how bad we wanted our place to SHINE!

So, today, the house is officially on the market. It is gorgeous. Before leaving for work, I ensured that every rug was fluffed and every floor was boogerless. Then I walked out side and found this…

Why? Why are there Bobcat tractors blocking my driveway? Why are there dump trucks blocking my street?! Why is the din of jack hammers rattling my windows??!!

Today. The first day my house is actually on the market, my neighbor on the left is tearing out his driveway. WHY TODAY?!

It’s a good thing I have a great sense of humor… because unlike Mr. Tyson, I don’t have any of “the Zoloft.”

In America…

There’s an 11.5% chance that you have a masters degree or higher.
There’s a 10% chance that you are left handed.
There’s an 8.3% chance that you have been diagnosed with diabetes.
There’s a 6.2% chance that you are a veteran.
There’s a 5% chance that you will never get married.
There’s a 3.3% chance that you are a citizen or *legal* resident born in Mexico.
There’s a 2.7% chance that you are a millionaire.
There’s a 2.3% chance that you are gay.

So why are we changing every facet of our culture to appease the gay agenda?

(This ought to give my site a good traffic spike! Everyone put on your wading boots. Here come the haters. *grin*)

It’s been another week of sanding, painting and cleaning. But the end is in sight. All the doors have knobs again. All the light switches have covers again. It’s starting to look like a house! I’ve got one door to left to sand and paint, then the garage door trim, and we’ll be done. Stick a fork in us! Well, no. Don’t do that. Please.

Instead, enjoy this week’s white board quip:

Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done.

This week’s white board quip is directly inspired by the previous post.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. – Steven Wright

I’ve been hinting around and promising a full explanation of my crazy life of late. Today, I’ve finally got some breathing room so I’m going to take a crack at telling you all “the long version” of the story before my lunch break is up.

Tammy and I lived in Colorado at the turn of the last millennium. We were forced back to Texas after I was laid off twice in 2001. (Between the tech stock crash and 9/11, it was a rough year all around.) It has been a dream of ours to get back to the mountains since then.

We’ve been fortunate enough to take several vacations up there and each time, we don’t want to leave. On multiple occasions, we’ve done the whole “what if” exercise. We bend financial numbers this way and that, trying justify the hope of moving. We pray for God to provide a way. Each time, God (and the math) has had one very clear answer: No.

Part of the “no” has been my involvement (my “mission” if you will) at Glenview Church. I just couldn’t leave my mission unfinished. Tammy and I have volunteered in varying capacities with the youth group for over 10 years now. At one point, I was even on staff in an interim role. We put a lot of sweat, blood, and tears into the youth ministry (and the youth) at Glenview. They really are our “chi’ren.”

But, Glenview’s youth department is finally stable. We’ve got two excellent leaders who, while still young, are taking ownership of their ministry, growing it in new directions. It’s passed time for the training wheels to come off. I need to get out of the way and let it fly.

God has made it clear that my role at Glenview is over. I’ve done my job. I’m now well into the “too comfortable” stage. I’m still there because it’s what I’ve done for so long I don’t know how to do anything else. And that’s not OK. God has been frustrating me, needling me to move, to get up and go.

Back in May, I was driving home from Wednesday night services and expressing my frustration to God. (I like to talk to God when I’m in my truck alone. We have good talks.) I asked, plainly, “God what do you want me to do?! Just tell me and I’ll do it!”

Then, in a moment of striking clarity, I heard it. “Put your house up for sale. Set the price as high as you think you need to move to Colorado, and watch me sell it.”

Wow. Hmm. That’s… kinda scary.

After bit of market research, a call to our realtor, and a bit of math, we can now see that this time it’s for real. We took a trip up to Denver to meet with a realtor there and check out the market. It’s steep. It will have to be a “God thing.” We live in a $180k neighborhood, but we need upwards of $210k for our house in order to move into a comparable (but $250k) neighborhood in Denver. Our Texas realtor says it’s possible. The house is nice. We just have to put in some work to make it “SHINE!”

So, for the last three weeks, Tammy and I have been sanding and painting baseboards, patching walls, etc. We’ve replaced a couple of doors. We’ll have some new carpet soon and a contractor coming this week to fix up an aged bathroom.

What’s really funny is how, as we are working our butts off to make our house “shine”, I’ve heard several news stories about how this is the hottest sellers’ market North Texas has seen in decades. Many of our friends tell us about someone they know whose house sold in days (or hours) after listing, bidding wars driving prices up.

None of this was news back in late May, when God and I were chatting in my truck. But I’m not surprised at all. I’ve experienced plenty of “God things.” When God makes a promise, you can bank on it. It may not work out like you expected. In fact, it often works out better than you could ever imagine.

Stay tuned as we are still in the midst of this adventure. I can’t wait to see how God works. But rest assured I’ll let you know!

I can’t tell you how awesome this video is because it overloaded my awesome meter. The meter just says, “Sorry. Too awesome.”

The mohawk. The leather kilt. The flames. There are no words.

This is the “Bad Piper” and he has his own YouTube channel.

“A splinter is in your future.” – Worst Fortune Cookies