René Descartes was drinking in a bar. The bartender asked him if wanted another drink.

Descartes said, “I think not.” And then he ceased to exist!!

This is for real:

“NASA’s humanoid robot has finally awakened in space.”

“Those electrons feel GOOD! One small step for man, one giant leap for tinman kind,” Robonaut posted in a Twitter update.

Whoa. I think I pulled my geek muscle just then. I need to lie down.

The square root of negative one and pi are having an argument.

Frustrated, the square root of negative one shouts, “Be rational!”

Pi shouts back, “Get real!”

Q: How many software developers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Whoa whoa whoa. That is a hardware problem!

…

Yes. For the next month or so, I’ll be posting a groaner a day. And yes, I stole almost all of them from Hank Green.

Inspired by my latest YouTube subscription: Sixty Symbols.

If the universe is expanding, why can’t I find a parking space?

It also makes me want to hum along with Monty Python.

And for those who have asked how much I paid for my new laptop, the answer is: Less than this amazing Packard Bell with it’s unheard of 1200 MB hard drive. (Hey. Psst. Hey, 1996. Guess what? It’s called a “GigaByte.” It’s the next big thing!)

So, you know, I’ve got a birthday coming up… in… four months. So, get your gift in early, right?

VoltDeck from ThinkGeek.com. Clicky clicky.

Sure, it’s $300, but I’m worth it. Right?

How come nobody has told be about this before?!

May 25th is Geek Pride Day!

Oh, and also, Happy Towel Day! I wonder if that’s just a coincidence. Only the infinite probability drive could come up with two such holidays sharing the same day.

For some reason, I tend to view the world through complex metaphors. Remember back when I compared the three most popular operating systems with cars? Yeah. That was great.

…

Oh, right. Sorry. I got lost in the glow of my own cleverness for a second there. Aaaanyway. Another, similar analogy occurred to me a while back.

You know how uptight I can get about language. And you know I have no love lost on Microsoft. It occurred to me that my angst for both has the same root cause.

Yes, the English Language is just like Microsoft. I shall elaborate.

For the world of computers to really work, you must have some kind of standards. Hardware and software engineers must come together and agree on some basic rules in order for things to work. If I’m designing a PC, I need to know for certain how the operating system is going to use my memory and processor. If I’m designing an operating system, I have to know for certain how the memory and processor work. If I’m going to create a web browser, like Firefox or Chrome, I must know for certain how the HTML or Flash or image should look when I display it.

The only way to know these things for certain is if the parties involved get together and decide on some rules. We call these “standards” and we call stuff that follows said standards “standard compliant.”

Naturally, Microsoft is involved in almost every standard debate that comes along. They stand right there with everyone else and nod happily. “Yes! We wholeheartedly agree! The HTML box model should work just like you said.” “Oh, yes. Cascading Style Sheets should be handled exactly like that. Mm hmm!”

But then, a few months later, without fail, Microsoft releases some massive software package that ignores, or worse, “improves upon” the standard they just agreed to! AACK!!

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Hey, smarty pants, you just ended that sentence with a preposition!” Well, bully for you. I sure did. But, that’s because I’m using English and English, just like Microsoft, loves to make rules that everyone accepts as gospel, and them break them for no particular reason at all!

We all learned in school that you shouldn’t end with a preposition. But, as it turns out, that rule is bunk! And don’t even get me started on “i before e.” Someone really should rein in that weird rule!

When I met a group of Europeans from various countries, I asked them what language should I learn if I plan to visit. What language do most people speak across Europe? French? German? Spanish? Nope. They agreed. It’s English. So, just like Microsoft, English is slowly taking over the world, with it’s rules all meant to be broken. AACK!!

If you want to bone up on your geek score, here’s a little history lesson. Study it well so you can drop a little net knowledge in your next conversation and sound like you actually have some geek cred.

(Incidentally, I got my first internet ready PC in 1995. So that tells you at what point I entered the game.)

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