Q: Why did the Siamese girl break up with her boyfriend?

A: He was dating her sister behind her back.

Ohhh. That’s really bad.

Q: Why did the health department shut down the Italian restaurant?

A: The kitchen couldn’t pasta inspection.

Doctor: You really need to cut back on the martinis!

Patient: Why do you say that?

Doctor: Your urine sample had an olive in it!

Q: What did the beauty queen say when she found a gray hair?

A: “I could just dye!”

Did you hear about the backward poet?

Yeah. He only writes inverse.

A neutron goes into a bar and asked the bartender, “How much for a beer?”

The bartender answers, “For you? No charge!”

Two Eskimos were fishing from their small canoe. The decided to light a fire to keep warm, but the fire spread and the boat sank. They should have known, you can’t have you kayak and heat it too.

A mother lioness was caring for her two cubs. They had just come back from hunting and one was badly constipated but the other was fine. The mother asked the cubs what they had eaten. The health cub said, “A man reading a book,” and the sick one said, “A man sitting at a typewriter.”

“Well no wonder!” said the lioness. “Everyone knows readers digest, but writers block!”

A thief broke into the police station and stole all the toilets. He’ll probably get away with because the police have nothing to go on.

Patient: Doctor! Doctor! Help me! I’m shrinking!

Doctor: Calm down and go back to the waiting room! You’ll just have to be a little patient.