‘Murica! Woo!!

Remember that America does awesome stuff too, like putting atomic-powered robots on Mars and double-stuffing Oreos.

You might have noticed we’re still in Texas.

You might not have noticed that we are trying to sell our house and move to Colorado. (If so… seriously, dude. Where have you been?!)

It’s hard to keep the house perfectly clean and neat day after day when no one has come to look at it. (OK, we did have one showing a couple of weeks ago.) It’s even harder answering the same question over and over. All those people (and there are many) who told us…

“The market is on fire!”
“You’re house is gorgeous. It’ll sell in a couple of days!”
“You won’t believe how quick it will all happen!”

…are the same people who now ask us “How’s the house?” and we just smile and say, “Still there!”

It’s easy to get down, to second guess, to give up. But the easy thing is almost never the right thing. So, every morning, I get up, I fluff the rugs and fold the towels, and I just keep swimming. “Maybe today.”

Last week was the infamous “Shark Week.” If you live outside the US, or don’t have cable TV, then you are excused from knowing how big a deal that is (or pretends to be). Weeks of advertising and hype, cross promotion, buzz. And then, for seven days, three or four droll, over-produced, sometimes gory pseudo-scientific documentaries about sharks rerun over and over. You watch one. You might watch two. Then… meh. You switch back to Doctor Who reruns and sports news about football training camp.

But that’s life. Hype. Reality. Sometimes disappointment. But always, you carry on. A fictional wise man once said:

Live every week like it’s shark week. – Tracy Jordan

And that is this week’s white board quip.

Tammy picked this week’s white board quip. We’re a good pair. Very … special.

I’m not weird, I’m limited edition.

My, where did you get that lovely spatula?

This week’s white board quip comes from the whimsically wonderful movie UHF staring Weird Al Yankovic. Last month, Al released a new album. Two things are noteworthy about it.

First, Al has fully embraced the 21st century’s internet culture. He released music videos for eight of the new songs on various online video sites the week of the album release and lead a full-bore, all-out social media blitz.

Second (and I think main because of the first), according to Al’s website:

“Mandatory Fun” debuted at #1 on the Billboard Hot 200 album chart. It’s the first time that Al has ever had a #1 album – in fact, it’s the first time a comedy album has topped the Billboard chart in over 50 years (and the first time a comedy album has debuted at #1 in HISTORY!)

As someone who’s been a fan since the 80’s, I can’t let this go by without sending Al a huge, congratulatory “attaboy.”

Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K. – Ted

Please tell me you know the movie from which this quip came. Please.

It’s a good thing I have such a great sense of humor. Seriously.

But first, this week’s white board quip:

I’m on the Zoloft to keep from killin’ ya’ll. – Mike Tyson

You know that Tammy and I have been breaking our backs to get our house ready to sell. It is currently immaculate. It’s so clean I’m afraid to walk around in it. No boogers are to be flicked in this house for the foreseeable future.

Two weeks ago, while we were deep in the midst of the renovations, our neighbor to the right decided to renovate his bathroom. Great! Good for him. Except that every night, he washed out all his tools in the gutter, up hill from our house. The street isn’t quite level and water pools in front of our drive way, which means, while we were fighting to perfect our curb appeal, our curb was peeling with grout and tile dust. Notsome!

We borrowed a power sprayer (Thanks Vaughn!) and washed the street in front of our house AND our neighbors house. That’s how bad we wanted our place to SHINE!

So, today, the house is officially on the market. It is gorgeous. Before leaving for work, I ensured that every rug was fluffed and every floor was boogerless. Then I walked out side and found this…

Why? Why are there Bobcat tractors blocking my driveway? Why are there dump trucks blocking my street?! Why is the din of jack hammers rattling my windows??!!

Today. The first day my house is actually on the market, my neighbor on the left is tearing out his driveway. WHY TODAY?!

It’s a good thing I have a great sense of humor… because unlike Mr. Tyson, I don’t have any of “the Zoloft.”

It’s been another week of sanding, painting and cleaning. But the end is in sight. All the doors have knobs again. All the light switches have covers again. It’s starting to look like a house! I’ve got one door to left to sand and paint, then the garage door trim, and we’ll be done. Stick a fork in us! Well, no. Don’t do that. Please.

Instead, enjoy this week’s white board quip:

Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done.

This week’s white board quip is directly inspired by the previous post.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. – Steven Wright

“A splinter is in your future.” – Worst Fortune Cookies

Don’t I know it.

There’s no stopping the future. – Yogi Berra

Stay tuned for a big personal news post to explain the sentiment of this week’s white board quip.