I’m sorry. I have to do it.

Sorry I’m late. I had to drown a burrito.
– Wally

I know. I said I was sorry. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go wash my brain.

This week’s white board quip was chosen to reflect the work we’ve been doing on our house lately. It is, of course, based on the famous Mrs. Fletcher. (There’s even a song!)

Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t… Hey, nice carpet!

No, we didn’t install new carpet, but we did get a new rug. And no one fell or needed LifeAlert. More details to follow.

This week’s white board quip has me thinking about food and fat.

That’s the problem with sweatpants.

I don’t even know where I heard that one. (But isn’t it just a perfect fit for the white board?!) As soon as I saw it in my queue, though, I knew it was the right quip for this week because I feel very much like switching to sweat pants for my office attire.

Despite my insistence that holiday food “doesn’t count,” my weight has been steadily increasing. I’ve almost completely erased my Weight Watchers success from a couple of years ago. It looks like I’ll be punishing myself with another diet… after the holidays, of course.

This week’s white board quip is “one of those.” You know, the ones that just make you go, “huh?”

This tastes like grandma.

See? I told you.

Sometimes I get tired of the old, worn-out, optimist v. pessimist debate. I think there’s a time for each. But, Scott Adams (via Dilbert) has giving me the perfect response for the next person who tosses this softball my way:

People say the glass is half full, but they don’t say of what.

I think it’s cat poop.

Nature abhors a vacuum. So does my sister’s dog.

This one reminds me of one of my favorite t-shirts!

If you learn nothing else from this blog, learn this: Never refuse a breath mint. And now for today’s white board quip.

Dude. Tic-Tac.

A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic.

Why is that? I know why. I could tell you, but it would mean spending the first part of my day composing a long and vividly articulate post. I will do that eventually, but today I’ve got code to write, so it will have to wait. But if you see me out and about and really want to know, ask me about “Monkey Space.”

Seriously.

Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.
– Dread Pirate Roberts

I have so many good things to tell you guys about, but there’s just no time. Life is treating us very well lately. True, Tammy’s had surgery and is coping with life in a cast. True, I’m outside my comfort zone sleep-wise, having to get up before 5:30 AM to drive Tammy to work. True, it’s been raining here for the last three days, making the job of keeping Tammy’s cast dry a real challenge. But even with all that God is so good to us!!

We have a beautiful new home to keep us warm and cozy. We have an amazing church family that has stuffed our shiny new refrigerator to capacity with yummy dinners. We have an awesome, reliable truck that can haul us all over town in all kinds of weather with no worries. And we finally have a FREAKING AWESOME 4-channel DVR that is nearly overflowing with all the shows we’ll get to catch up on after this ordeal is over. Seriously, I am giddy about finally having a DVR. Thank you, AT&T U-verse!

Live is tough. Don’t let anyone tell you different. But when you’ve got faith in the Most High, there’s nothing you can’t handle.

This week’s white board quip was chosen scientifically to be the best quip possible for this moment in time. In other words, I opened the database, closed my eyes, and scrolled up and down before clicking on this one.

Seriously.

I felt like a Coolidge dollar sandwiched between two Hoover chickens.
– Ask-a-Ninja

This should please my father who complained that the “pancake one” wasn’t even funny and it had been up for “weeks” . Yes. Two. Sorry, Pa. Is this better?