Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.
– Steven Wright

I’m scheduled to get a couple of cavities filled this Friday. I went for ten years without seeing a dentist. When I finally did, I had two cavities. That was six months ago. Now, suddenly, I’ve got two more cavities! I think it’s a conspiracy.

If I only had one tooth, I think I would brush it a real long time.
– Steven Wright

<whispered>This is actually WBQotW #6.022 × 10²³</whispered>

People will believe anything if you whisper it.

My entire life can be summed up in this weeks white boa… Dangit, I forgot my lunch AGAIN!

How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a li… HEY! Let’s go ride bikes!!

If you’re under the impression that this is what the world is supposed be like, I hope you’re wrong.

Dear God, I would like to file a bug report.

You may not understand this week’s white board quip. But if not, I’m willing to wager you’ve never listened to an actual 8-track.

I have an 8-track mind in a DVD world.

Why would someone name their dog Spot? If it’s because the dog has a spotted coat, that’s too easy. If it’s because the dog is not well house trained, that’s just icky.

Anyway, on to the quip!

I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he’s gone.
-Steven Wright

As I mentioned, I’ve backslid pretty badly on the nutrition and fitness front. I like to say I’ve padded my weight so I’ll have better weight loss numbers to brag about. But the truth is, I’ve just been lazy and gluttonous over the holidays. Sadly, those days are over. Time to get healthy again. Which brings me to the first white board quip of twenty aught-nine.

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

This seemed like the perfect white board quip for the week after Christmas.

I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included. So I had to buy them again.
– Steven Wright

Sometimes, for Christmas, I get “fun” underwear. You know, Sponge Bob boxers or something that plays music or has a silly message. The problem is I never get to share the joke.

What’s the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if nobody ever asks to see them?
– Calvin