It’s that time of year again.

Dear IRS, Please cancel my subscription.

From The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy:

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Alas, two weeks late, I have come to satisfy your white board quip desires.

“She was extremely short for her weight. I figure, ’bout seven feet.”

WBQotW #18 comes from a song called “Count ‘Em Up Queek”. It’s the story of a weary soul who goes on an inexpensive vacation and runs into “Mona, the mmmonkey woman” who is described in our quip of the week.

The band, if you can call them that, is called 2NU (pronounced “too new”) and specializes in off beat, eclectic ballads rich with sound effects and back masking. 2NU’s claim to fame was a song called “Ponderous” that enjoyed a short stint on the pop charts back in the early nineties and lead me to buy the cassette. This was the impetus that eventually lead me to be a fan of Doctor Demento.

I received the Ponderous CD as a gift. It was my first ever CD, and since I did not have a CD player, I never opened the box. Now that I think about it, it was a rare and no longer available long box. Oooh. Where did I put that thing?!

This weeks White Board Quip is another jewel I found on my old Doctor Demento tapes. Andy Griffith, before playing Mayberry’s Sheriff Taylor, was a stand-up comic. His country bumpkin style along with his sharp wit made him one of the best. He performed a piece of Shakespearesque prose, put to music, called, “To the Lovely Juanita Beasley”. This week the white board pays homage to this lost piece of Americana. (Phonetic spelling was necessary to convey the spirit of the quip.)

“Behold, I love yer awl. Yer eyes, yer hair, yer hands, yer ears, yer tooth… yer ever’thang.”

Yet another off-the-wall quip from “The Happy Happy Joy Joy Song” of Ren and Stimpy fame

“The little critters of nature… They don’t know that they’re ugly.”

WBQotW #15 is another quip from my old Doctor Demento cassette tape. This is from “The Happy Happy Joy Joy Song” of Ren and Stimpy fame.

“I told you I’d shoot, but you didn’t believe me! WHY didn’t you believe me?!”

I don’t remember where I got this one, but I know I’ve seen it acted out in reality more than once.

“Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.”

Recently, I was digging through the center console of my truck and I came across an unmarked cassette tape. Curious, I plugged it in. I was awash in nostalgia. It was a tape I had made in college when I used to record the Doctor Demento Show every week. I’ve been listening to that tape on my way to work and back for over a week now, and, woo dawgy, have I got some great white board quips queued up.

“Oh my G-d! That bowling ball! It’s my wife!”

This little jewel is from Scott Adams, the Grand Poobah of cubicle humor.

“Stop ruining my slogans with your logic!”

You can see the entire strip here.

Scott Kurtz (author of PvP) is my hero. This came from one of his recent strips.

“I admire enormous posteriors and I can not prevaricate.”

I’m down with it, word to your mother, etc.