Ok folks. I’ve been hording up links for years and putting this off for far too long. Today, I read a story that broke the polar bear’s back. (Don’t worry. It’s linked below.)

Are you ready for the news flash? Here it is:

The global warming crisis is a lie!

There. Now, don’t you feel better? No? Ok. How about this:

The hole it the ozone layer is a lie!

Still not feeling all warm and fuzzy? Ok.

The acid rain crisis is a lie!

The end of fossil fuels is a lie!

The dangers of coal and nuclear energy is a lie!

The extinction of the whales is a lie!

The deforestation crisis is a lie!

The global over-population crisis is a lie!

Are you starting to see a pattern yet? Well. Let me spell it out for you, just to be sure.

All, yes each and every one, of the above manufactured, sky-is-falling catastrophes were created by, more or less, the same people, for, more or less, the same reason. There are people in this world who truly and religiously believe that mankind is a virus. That you and me and our TVs and our running water and our big fast-food-fed butts are enemies of their beloved Earth. These people really and truly believe that the only way to save their blessed planet is to reverse human productivity, progress, comfort, and happiness (and thus reduce human population).

You might think I’m exaggerating, but, sadly, I’m just scratching the surface. Now, I’m not going to go into all of the psychosis and human-hating logic. All I want to do in this post is expose their modus operandi.

Here’s how it works:

1. The current eco-crisis of the day begins to lose favor when the supposed catastrophe doesn’t materialize, or the media starts to lose interest, or actual scientists manage to find their way into the main stream far enough to debunk the scare tactics.
2. A new eco-crisis must be created and it must meet the following criteria:
   1. It must be tangible. It has to be something people can point to and/or touch and say, “See! The sky IS falling!” (ex. “Hurricane Katrina was awful! Darn that global warming!”)
   2. It must be something impossible (or at least very difficult) to disprove. (ex. “How can you say there is no such thing as acid rain. Prove it!”)
   3. It must be something so terrible that it would cause (were it true) human suffering on a massive scale. (ex. “If we cut down all the trees, there will be no more oxygen for your children to breath!”)
   4. The only possible solution to the crisis must involve curtailing, taxing, regulating, or in some other way decreasing human convenience. (ex. “The only way to save the world is for you to sell your big, safe, convenient SUV and buy a cardboard tissue box with wheels.”)
   5. As an added bonus, the crisis and it’s imaginary resolution should be profitable for the people who join the cause. This way, they’ll be well funded and/or carry political clout that can be spent on the next eco-crisis when this one peters out. (ex.**ALBERT FREAKING GORE**)
3. Now, to get the word out. Conveniently, 90% of the Lame-Stream Media is populated by ex-Berkeley-hippies who thrive on sensationalizing suffering and making everyone who is happy feel guilty about it.
4. After it’s had some time to soak in the nightly news… You know, a pseudo-scientific report here, bit of clever video editing there… It’s time for Mr. Smith to head to Washington. Thank goodness that politicians build their careers on public sentiment rather than facts.
5. Now that this newly minted crisis is in the forefront and; through careful planning, back-door deals, and out-and-out fraud; the critics have been kept at bay (ex. “Denying global warming is on par with denying the Holocaust!“); it’s time to brain wash the children. Make sure that all the cartoons and kids shows are reinforcing our crisis. “Remember kids, your mommy’s SUV is polluting the sky and killing cuddly wuddly polar bears! We may have to cancel Christmas!“
6. At this point, just ride the wave, collect as much fame and money as you can before the crisis-de-jour begins to ebb.
7. Rinse and repeat.

I want you to look this over carefully. I want you to really internalize it. Study it. Know it. Why? Because I am now certain that we are at the tipping point. In the next few years, global warming is going to peter out.

It’s very likely dead already…
– “Climategate”
– “Gore either lying or just terribly stupid”
– And the final nail: “The Mini-Ice-Age has begun”

But this time, thanks to smart people like you and me, and thanks to this marvelous series of tubes, things might just go a little differently.

See, the global warming crisis set a new precedent and it wasn’t a good one for the Earth hugging human haters. This was the first post-internet crisis. For the first time in human history, everyone, millions upon millions of people, have access to the new main stream medium. Smart people with real data can now tell the world the truth. In the next decade, more people will get their information from right here on the web than from the talking heads on the nightly news. Finally, there will be no filtering, no spinning, no iron-fisted control of the facts.

Plus, for the first time, you’ll be able to link back to my posts about the folly of global warming as you, on your blog, tell your readers about the equal folly of whatever is coming next. Let’s just hope it’s more creative than global cooling. Cuz, seriously, how many times are they going to try that? (Hint: I’ve already posted about it here.)