Sometime on Sunday, we all came out and laughed about the feelings we had all been secretly having. What if Mom gets better? What if all this pain and anguish, emotional outpouring, tears and goodbyes are misplaced and premature? Shouldn’t we be happy? Shouldn’t we rejoice in God’s miraculous healing?

But somehow, the pain was too much for that. I honestly can’t wrap my brain around the fact that I’m a little bit miffed that my mom is alive. How stupid is that?! Even just typing it out makes me feel like the world’s biggest jerk.

I don’t think I’ll ever forget seeing my mom smirk and shrug when the nurse told her how great it was that God had given her more time to live. She said, “I guess. But, I was ready to go.”

It’s just so surreal. Like I’m living in a bad Shirley MacLaine movie.

To quote my parents’ pastor, “What’s wrong with you? This is a gift from God! It’s terrific!” What’s wrong with me indeed!

But as more time passes, I’m beginning to get over the pain and give thanks for the miracle. After all, pain is always temporary. “This too shall pass,” right Mom?

It was comforting to read my sister’s post and realize I wasn’t the only one.

And the Lord heard the cries of the people and granted Sandra Thomas Ladd more time in this world and a return to her home…

And the husband, daughter, and son are…ecstatic…and numb.

…

Sunday night, Trinity, Grandma, and I went home for the night, expecting a midnight phone call. It never came. In the morning, a call did come. It was Mom saying, “I’ll be home by noon.” What? I mean, Great!! She even was bathed and shampooed. No head pain.

So, she’s back on her couch, just like she was before her “Final Trip to the Hospital.” She’s not the same, though. Her speech continues to be slurred, her mind harder to work, her hands unsteady. She’s still waiting. She still thinks her time is imminent, but not determined. Hey, we’ll take every last second of it.

Trinity and I couldn’t blog because we were a little miffed at the doctors. Why in the world did we just go through 72 hours of emotional pain? We can understand that the Lord works in His own way, but hey, doctors…what the heck! … We felt responsible for similar pain we were dishing out across the Internet to friends and family. By Sunday night, everyone had said their good-byes.

That’s good; we understand that. However, a part of our brains and hearts are numb. Dad went to Bible study this morning. Brother Ellis asked him, “What’s wrong with you? This is a gift from God! It’s terrific!” We agree. We ARE happy; we are also at a loss of what to do with the rest of our emotions. Do we put them back in our pockets for a later time? Is this all selfish thinking?

Maybe the gift is that if or when Mom goes, it won’t be so hard as the unexpected 72 hours. I mean, how could we ask more of the Lord than this?

Dad’s doing his chores, I’m grading papers, Trint went back to work in Ft. Worth, and the ladies are chatting and planning meals. Life is good. God is great. We’re a little freaked out.

So, what’s next? Thanks to the wonders of small town health care, Mom can’t get another brain scan until Wednesday (tomorrow) when the “doctor comes through again.” (That would be funny if it weren’t true.) So, tomorrow we might have some answers. Until then, we’ll have to just be content having our mom, and I can do that. Love you, Mom!!