surelyyourenotserious.com
WBQotW #57

Does anyone know how “the birds and the bees” have anything to do with sex education? Birds lay eggs in nests and bees have one queen and hundreds of drones which fertilize her. Dude, if that is what sex is supposed to be like, I’m very very lost.

Maybe it’s because I made it all the way through public school with only one chapter of Sex Ed. (8th grade health class was probably the most uncomfortable time of my entire life.)

Many people tell me sex education should start at birth.
Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders

Yeah. I’m sure the Feds would do a much better job of teaching about these things.*

Man, I said “sex” five times in one post. This should get me tons of google hits!

(* Please read that sentence with as much sarcasm as you can muster. Imagine Bill Maher talking about Pat Robertson for President and then bump it up a notch from there.)

A Simple Lesson in Ecconomics

As we prepare for “tax time”, I offer you a parable on economics.

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for dinner. The bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth pays $1.
The sixth pays $3.
The seventh $7.
The eighth $12.
The ninth $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that’s what they decided to do. The ten men ate dinner in the restaurant every day, and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve.

“Since you are all such good customers,” he said, “I’m going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20.” So now dinner for the ten only cost $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes. So the first four men were unaffected. They would still eat for free. But what about the other six, the paying customers? How could they divvy up the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his “fair share?”

The six men realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being “paid” to eat their meal. So the restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:

The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% savings).
The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28% savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to eat for free. But, once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.

“I only got a dollar out of the $20,” declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth. “But he got $10!”

“Yeah, that’s right,” exclaimed the fifth man. “I only saved a dollar, too. It’s unfair that he got ten times more than me!”

“That’s true!” shouted the seventh man. “Why should he get $10 back when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!”

“Wait a minute,” yelled the first four men in unison. “We didn’t get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!”

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn’t show up for dinner, so the nine sat down and ate without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn’t have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up at the table anymore. There are lots of good restaurants in Europe and the Caribbean.

According to Snopes, this parable has been told and retold so many times, no one knows who the original author is. So as of now, I’m taking credit for it! And if you want to copy it, just send me $1000. *evil grin*

I want to ride it where I liiiiike!

Monkey on a Bike It’s March 1st and it’s 90 degrees in Dallas. 90!! The spring fever is spreading fast at my office. The latest fad with the guys here is mountain biking. I’ve been biking for a couple of years now, but in the last month, three of my co-workers have bought new mountain bikes. (That’s how things go around here. In January they all bought remote controlled helicopters. *roll eyes*)

Anyway, we’ve all been dying for some warmer weather so we could hit some trails. We did just that yesterday. We squeezed in about 45 minutes at Horseshoe on the south shore of Lake Grapevine between work and dark (5:45 – 6:30). It was a great ride! It was Raju’s first time on his new bike, and only the second time out for Alan and Bob. No big crashes this time. *wink*

Rain is supposed come back later in the week, so today was my best chance for riding to work. It’s an 8.5 mile ride through heavy traffic. This morning I cut my ride time down to 39 minutes! It sure feels good to get the blood pumping again. Winter was not kind to my waist line.

Anyway, all this biking (on-road and off) reminded me of a great video I’ve had sitting around for ages. From what I can tell, it’s a bunch of NYC bike curriers doing a race. Most are on road bikes, but there are a couple of mountain bikes too. These guys are absolutely nuts. The first time I watched this, it totally changed my attitude about riding in traffic. Even now I look at it more as a fun challenge than deadly danger (although it really is the latter).

The file is hugimungous, so please do a right-click-save-as.

Clicky clicky!

Meme of Fours

Four jobs I’ve had

* Sacker at Safeway
* Dr. Vinyl
* Intern at Hewlett Packard
* Web Developer

Four movies I can watch over and over

* The Princess Bride (Hey! Shut up! It’s very witty.)
* The Lord of the Rings (trilogy)
* Bubble Boy
* Braveheart

Four places I’ve lived

* Amarillo, TX
* Colorado Springs, CO
* La Grange, TX
* Arlington, TX

Four TV shows I love

* Monk!!
* Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
* MythBusters
* Anything besides “reality TV”. I’d rather gouge out my eyes with a melon baller.

Four places I’ve vacationed

* Aspen, CO
* Las Vegas, NV
* Jenny Lake, WY
* Weatherford, TX (Don’t knock it. They’ve got some very nice hot tubs!)

Four of my favorite dishes

* Meatlovers pizza (which I’m not supposed to eat)
* Spaghetti marinara with Italian sausage (which I’m not supposed to eat)
* Huge chimichanga smothered in chili con queso (which I’m not supposed to eat)
* Carrots (which is a blatant lie)

Four sites I visit daily

* PvP Online
* Dilbert (I use RSS to avoid pop-up ads.)
* Engrish.com (Sometimes R rated)
* Drudge

Four things I do at least once a day

* Tell Tammy I love her.
* Refill my 32 oz. mug with water (Now if I could just finish it every day.)
* Stretch (I’m going to touch my toes again before I die, even if it kills me.)
* Tuck Tammy into bed (with a requisite pat on the head)

Four things I do at least once a week

* Study my Bible (I try to read it every day, but don’t always succeed.)
* Go out for dinner with Tammy (It’s called “date night”. Even if it’s just dinner at Chili’s, I still recommend it.)
* Rock climb in my garage
* Eat at Taco Bell (You can be healthy all the time, right?)

Four places I would rather be right now

* Mountain biking in Colorado
* Rock climbing in Colorado
* On my couch, watching Monk and eating a big bowl of Blue Belle ice cream
* At work (Oh, wait. I AM at work. Jeez, I better do something more productive, huh?)

That is all.

Absence makes the fart go ‘honda’

Well, I’m back. Thanks to all my faithful readers who sent concerned emails and comments (all three of you). I am, as you can see, not bleeding in a ditch somewhere.

I’m glad this month long internet fast came in February. Any longer month and I might have gone sane! During the last few weeks, I’ve been intolerably bored in the afternoons, but I have gotten a ton of work done. I created a whole new web application for the office intranet (twice, actually). I also learned that my RSS feed aggregator stops counting unread posts at 200. (For those of you who are not Geek enough to know, that means that some of the blogs I read daily had more than 200 posts that I have not read.) 200 posts in four weeks?! Good grief, people, get a life!!

I have also missed out on all sorts of great news bits and internet silliness. I totally missed the vice presidential lawyer hunt, and have all but missed all the good stories about Muddy Gras in the flood plain formerly known as Nawlins. I don’t even want to think about all the hilarity that will never be because I missed out on the entire 2006 Olympics. I watched them, of course. Don’t be silly. I live with the world’s biggest Olympic fan. (No, no… Big like enthusiastic, not big like plump. Jeez, you’re going to get me in trouble!)

It was interesting to see that when I stopped posting to my blog, my comment spam instantly disappeared. Something my Web Geek friends might find intriguing.

So, anyway. Enough rambling. I’ve got reading to do!!

Back to the Internet!!

I’m baaaack. Back to the internet. I thought it only appropriate for this week’s WBQotW to come from “Back to the Future”.

Why don’t you make like a tree and get out of here.
Biff Tannen

BANG!

I’ve been playing Delta Force the last few nights. I used to be a DF-aholic years ago. It was the game of choice when I worked at Insurance Technologies. We’d play for hours after work.

All that is to say that I’ve got bullets on my mind, which is why this weeks WBQotW cracks me up.

We can make safer weapons. We can make safer bullets.
Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders

I picture a policeman drawing on a thief and a bright red “BANG!” flag popping from his gun barrel.

Cop: I got you!
Robber: Nuh-uh! You missed.
Cop: I totally got you I was pointing right at you when I yelled, “Bang!”
Robber: Oh yeah? Well, I got Superman underwear on, so your bullets don’t hurt me!

All’s Quiet

I’m sure there are oodles of things I could be blogging about lately and you may have noticed a conspicuous lack of posts. Allow me to explain.

The kids in our high school and middle school youth groups are joining with other youth groups all over DFW in a project called “The Way” (http://www.studentsoftheway.com). Part of the project is for kids to fast and pray for the project and pray for the conversion of their lost friends. Fasting is not always about going without food. Fasting is basically giving up something that occupies your mind in exchange for prayer. So, this month, I’m fasting from the net.

Obviously, I can’t stay off line all month. I am a web developer. It’s my job to do some surfing. But I know I spend way too much time blogging. So until March 1st, I am limiting myself to surfing on my lunch hour. And during the day, whenever something comes to mind that I would usually pop open a browser and look up (that’s not work related), I’ll restrain myself. Instead of spending a few minutes googling and/or blogging something, I’ll spend a minute praying for our kids, for “The Way”, and for revival in our town.

With only an hour for recreational surfing, I won’t have time to read all the nitty gritty political news, nor all the wacky web sites that spawn most of my blog posts. I’ll keep the white board going and I’m going to finish the climbing wall post (volume three), but that’s about it.

So, when you come back by and there’s nothing new to read, take a minute and pray for the kids of the Way. Thanks!

Can you hear me now?

I have never been a big fan of news polls. It’s just too easy to sway the results by selecting the sample group. Besides, who really cares? The real reason most polls are taken is to try and sway the opinion of folks who where not polled. C’mon, you know it and I know it.

Well, with that said, I read about a poll today. I won’t give you the specifics because of what I just said. (But if you want to read it for yourself, clicky clicky.) What I will tell you is that 100% of Americans who write the posts on this blog agree that the MSM and desperate democrats in Congress are dead wrong about the “Wire Tap” issue.

I find it very interesting that while Ted Kennedy and CBS News are screaming for Bush’s crucifixion, average Joes like me are glad to hear that Bush and the NSA are doing everything they can to catch terrorists before they strike. Personally, I could care less if the government listened in on my telephone calls. My only concern would be that they are wasting my tax dollars to listen to my wife remind me what to pick up at the grocery store. But I know good and well, that that is not what the NSA is doing. They are listening in on phone calls of people with known terrorist connections. Can I get a “Amen”?!

Since spineless liberals live and die by poll numbers, don’t be surprised if this issue suddenly vanishes from the news.

They taste like chicken!

I’m sure you’ve gotten the email with the funny typos and grammatical errors in church announcements and classified ads. Well tough. Some of them are funny enough for my white board, like this one:

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

© Copyright 2004-2005, Light-Spark Design
Powered By WordPress