It’s official. A New England Journal of Medicine study proves shows that talking on a cell phone while driving is just as bad as driving drunk.

The use of cellular telephones in motor vehicles is associated with a quadrupling of the risk of a collision during the brief period of a call.

That is to say, if you’re talking on a cell phone while driving you are four times more likely to cause an accident. The study also found that “hands free” devices do not make you any safer. The problem is not where you hands are. The problem is where your brain is.

FOUR TIMES more likely to cause an accident! That’s the same rate for someone with a 0.8 blood alcohol level.

Hey, people! STOP IT!

WBQotW #6 comes to us from an article at ananova (linked from Apropos). Madona has been listed as one of the Most Influential Jewish Americans. That’s funny enough. But dig this quote from the editor of the list:

“…she’s practicing Judaism for Christ’s sake! Well, not really for Christ’s sake…”

HA! That’s priceless.

I have a couple of email addresses that I use whenever I’m required to enter such information on a web form. I also have a nasty habit of putting my favorite stage name and old mailing addresses in these forms. My imaginary web surfing fellow is named JoBob Humperdink and he lives in Amarillo at the address I inhabited back in 1993.

I don’t know why everyone and their dog wants your email address before they let you see their news article or post a comment on their blog. Regardless, I call these my spam accounts. Inevitablly, someone will sell their collection of email addresses to the scummy underbelly of the internet and that address will begin receiving hundreds of spam messages. Thank the Lord for spam filters. On these two email addresses, the spam folders are always full.

But what’s so funny about that?

Well, I have come to enjoy spending a few minutes perusing my spam folders to see the oh so clever ways that the scummy underbelly tries to get my attention. Allow me to share a few subject lines from this weeks compost heap.

Jobob: Forget About Those Garage Bills

Your confirmation Jobob Humperdink …

Jobob Humperdink 11/10/2004-2:13:05 PM (This one is from the “IRS”. Gee that sounds important… not.)

Shop in AMARILLO

Jobob: Re-finance Today & Save

Confirmation for Jobob Humperdink

Egyptian Peanuts (Wha…?)

RE :Jobob Humperdink 1:10:19 AM 11/14/200… (Oh, now your getting clever… *roll eyes*)

Just do her! (Ah, yes. The subtlties of romance in the age of Viagra.)

Are You Overwhelmed With Credit Card Debt (Why, yes, I am. Thanks for asking. Why don’t you pour some lemon juice on my paper cut while your at it.)

Private urgent message from SunTrust Bank (Please oh please, my gentle readers, do not fall for these things!)

Oh, yeah. I just found a new toy with which to torture my body.

Freebord has got to be the coolest thing Ehhh-Vahhhhrr. It’s basically a long-board style skate board engineered to ride like a snowboard, except on pavement. Schweeeeeet.

You can see their whole web site, which is pretty cool, or just check out the video to see just how real the feel is on this thing.

Have you ever looked at the world today and thought, “Wha..?”

Believe it or not, somehow, children have survived for at least 6000 years without any form of government interference in their lives. When I was a kid (Okay, enough with the old jokes.), a “car seat” was just that, the seats in the car (usually made of naugahyde that would melt your Umbro shorts in the summer). Now kids are in some kind of special restraint until they’re old enough to shave. In my day, as the youngest kid, my place in the car on family vacation was the back window deck. GASP! The way I remember, you were “high strung” and so you didn’t get much sugar. Now, you’re ADHD and get drugged into being a zombie. When I rode my bike, the only wore I helmet was when I was pretending to be Evel Knievel. Now kids wear helmets anytime they travel faster than a brisk walk. The way I remember it, when we were on the play ground at school… WE PLAYED!!

But not anymore. Today, kids are not allowed to be kids. Get a load of this story from California.

An 11-year-old girl in West Covina, Calif., was suspended from her school from doing “dangerous” cartwheels and hand stands during lunch time…

Administrators at the school said they were concerned about safety of their students. They said gymnastics on the playground creates an unsafe situation.

Great googly-moogly people! Why don’t you just lock your kids in the basement until their 18. As long as you throw them some Happy Meals and the latest XBox game every week or so, they come out as perfectly well adjusted obese psychopaths. They’ll fit right in! GAH!!

(Link borrowed from Drudge. I’ll give it back, I promise.)

And just to prove that I’m not making this up, I want to point out something. You’ll notice that you can see my white board in this picture of Uncle Robert and me in my cube.

You can, in fact, see my actual White Board Quip of the Week! See! I TOLD you so. And you thought I was just being silly. Well… yes, I am. But still.

Uncle Robert made a day trip from Atlanta to come out and visit for my birthday. What a treat. There was an ulterior motive, though. He’s taking some college courses on web development and wanted to see how we run our shop.

It was a great visit. I got to turn the tables on the old Lieutenant and teach him some things about web programming, CSS, and project planning. He even got to sit in on a weekly project meeting, thanks to the good graces of my bosses. He also got a nice tour of our server room and an explanation of all the cool equipment. (Thanks Bryce!) Of course the old soldier still taught me quite a bit during his visit. (“Get your hands out of your d@#n pockets!”)

We managed to catch Tammy for lunch and had a good time at Chili’s. Robert took care of some important business. That is to say, he got an update on how Tammy is doing so he could relay it to is wife, Linda. And, of course, he entertained us with all sorts of war stories over some good chow. All in all, the trip was a success for all involved. I look forward to his next visit, whenever that may be.

Happy Birthday To ME!

Yes, today, November 10th, marks the anniversary of my “big coming out party”. My uncle Robert always reminds me that I was born on the same day as the Marines, only 199 years later. So happy birthday Marines! (Hooah! Is that right?)

If you’d like to send me some undeserved birthday booty, you can send me some rare root beer or something nicer. Just have the dealership deliver the goods my place:

2671 Verandah Lane #2332
Arlington, TX 76006

By the way, I’ve got about a hundred pictures on my digital camera, some of which need to be added to the previous personal update post.

It’s been far too long (again) since I gave an update on “the fam”. So here goes.

Tammy and I are busy busy busy. We’re teaching Sunday school. She’s taking her 9th grade girls through “Girls of Grace” and I’m teaching my 10th grade guys comparative religion. She’s still working with the Master’s Players, 5th-7th grade kids doing sign language, music interp, and praise dance. We still co-lead The Bottom Line, the church’s high school drama group. With all these groups, we have lots of kids and thus spend a good deal of time building those relationships; birthday parties, football games, school plays, etc.

We’re involved in the adult drama group. I was “helping out” with the Christmas musical (meaning I re-wrote the script and was helping the director with casting and scheduling), but he dropped out and I was elected to replace him. So now, I’m directing that too (and we’re way behind schedule already).

Last month, we finally had had enough of our old climbing gym. The bratty kids, dangerous equipment, and non-existent management were just too much. We canceled our membership and moved to a new gym, Dyno-Rock. It’s cheaper, closer, and the management actually cares about their clientele. The facility is not quite as nice, but they have lots of good wall to climb and their equipment is top rate.

Tammy’s been healthy for several months now. (Yaay!) Her ankle still hurts a little when she stresses it, like climbing or dancing with the Master’s Players, but it’s holding up fine.

I, on the other hand, have been fighting off some bugs. I’ve had a phlegmy cough for weeks now. I was on the verge of going to a doctor when something else happened. I got a couple of spider bits on my left arm. They swelled and itched, but nothing to worry about. About three days later, I noticed rashy red lines going up and down my arm from the bite. That was scary. I went in to the ER, and the doc said the lymph node in my arm pit was swollen and that I had a nasty infection. I was glad it wasn’t venom related, but still concerned. I’ve been on penicillin for about a week (500 mg horse pills 4 times a day) and have about a week to go. The redness and pain are gone, so I think that did the trick. Now, I’m waiting to finish the prescription before I go in to check on the cough. Either the medication or the infection itself has left me tired and a little lethargic, but I’m learning to cope.

Tammy is working full time now (no more temp-to-hire) at Accessory Design Group. She is in charge of tracking huge orders of belts, gloves, purses, etc., from overseas to their warehouse, and from their warehouse to their customers, like Walmart, Target, and JCPennys. She’s been on long enough that her company health insurance kicks in this week. Hurray!! No more COBRA payments.

My job at GIS2 is going well. We have been through some project management changes, all for the better, and the company is looking ahead to some big growth. It looks like when the company makes the next big turn (getting a second software author) I will be in a team-lead position, which translates into lower/middle management. That scares me a little, but it is exciting too.

Plans are moving ahead for my big expedition to the Grand Teton next summer. We found a great backpack on sale at Galyan’s and bought it. Still keeping my eyes open for sales on climbing gear and some good hiking shoes.

And, last but not least, my 31st birthday is tomorrow. Tammy’s still trying to make me feel old, but it’s not working. Uncle Robert may be flying in for a one-day visit, which will be a real treat. He’s taking a course on web programming and has been calling me for pointers once in a while. I think he’s looking forward to getting a tour of the office and seeing how we do what we do.

We’ll, that’s about all I can think of, and I’m 15 minutes late. Got to get home. Tammy and I are going climbing tonight and she hates to be late.

I’ve been teaching comparative religion lessons to my Sunday School guys (10th grade boys) which makes this quip that much funnier.

At first I thought he was high, but it turned out he was just a Scientologist.

(Gratuitously plagiarized from In Passing.)