The earthquake that rattled Washing D.C. has caused some damage to the iconic Washington Monument. Fox News is reporting that the monument is leaning dangerously to the left. MSNBC insists that it’s actually leaning to the too far to the right.

Geologists have determined the quake that rattled Washington D.C. was caused by a little known fault line that runs directly through the nation’s capital.

It’s called “Bush’s Fault” and the Bronco Bomber administration, in a press release this morning, insists that it inherited all geological problems from the previous administration.

President Bronco Bomber walks into a bank to cash a check.

Teller: We’d be happy to cash your check, sir. Just let me see some ID.

Bomber: Oh, I don’t carry ID. Everyone knows who I am.

T: I’m sorry, sir. Due to massive bank regulation, I must have an ID first.

B: Really?! There must be some other way.

T: Well, sir, last week Tiger Woods came in. He didn’t have an ID either. But, we set up a 40 foot putt in the lobby and he made it, so we cashed his check. Do you have anything you can show me or tell me about what you do as President?

B: Sorry. I’ve got nothin’.

T: Great! Do you want that in small or large bills?

Inspired by my latest YouTube subscription: Sixty Symbols.

If the universe is expanding, why can’t I find a parking space?

It also makes me want to hum along with Monty Python.

In honor of Bad Poetry Day…

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Your hair smells like a funeral home.

Or…

Haiku need not rhyme.
You just count the syllables.
But I’m a bad poet.

Or this…

There once was a Texan lad,
Whose manners were terribly bad.
His blog posts offensive.
His comments insens’tive.
And even his limericks were wrong.

And for those who have asked how much I paid for my new laptop, the answer is: Less than this amazing Packard Bell with it’s unheard of 1200 MB hard drive. (Hey. Psst. Hey, 1996. Guess what? It’s called a “GigaByte.” It’s the next big thing!)

In honor of purchasing my first laptop for myself this weekend…

Where does your lap go when you stand up?

A new humor meme making the rounds is “First World Problems” in which the hilariously trivial problems faced by we, the rich and spoiled, are presented as real problems. It’s funny because there are billions of people in the world who have real problems and we; the few, the fat, and the lazy; are forced to admit how stupid are the things we whine about.

This blog post is a great example (I laughed until I had tears in my eyes.): Life is So Hard

But why did I laugh unto tears? Because I have personal experience with more than half of those “problems” or because these problems are so painfully trivial in light of the suffering of humanity? Or because both are true at the same time?

Question of the day: Is it good to see these and laugh because A) I can say I’ve done that, or B) it makes me realize that I’m so completely callused to the real problems in the world? A makes me laugh. B makes me want to cry (but not from laughing).

So, you know, I’ve got a birthday coming up… in… four months. So, get your gift in early, right?

VoltDeck from ThinkGeek.com. Clicky clicky.

Sure, it’s $300, but I’m worth it. Right?

Stage Right Theatre’s dinner theater production, “Game Show,” is just a couple of weeks away. I will not be on stage this year, but I am part of the show. You could be to! (Oooh. How’s that for a teaser?)

For the first time, you can buy your tickets online (for a $1 extra fee). So what are you waiting for? Do it!

Clicky clicky.