I really dislike it when my life gets like this. And it happens so often! I can’t even remember how many times I’ve posted to this blog talking about how busy or behind I am and how I’m missing out on such great blog-worthy topics. Bah!

There’s a socialist nut-job, armed with nukes, making all kinds of threatening statements about how, if the world doesn’t cut him some slack, he’s going ruin us all. And that’s just Obama!

Don’t even get me started on North Korea!

Alas, there’s just no time to expound. I’ve got a hard push for a major project at work. I’ve got a ton of code to sling before Tammy and I go on our anniversary trip to…

Ha ha! Not so fast! It’s a secret. Tammy doesn’t know where we’re going (despite her best efforts). Keep up with us on Twitter on June 4th and you’ll find out as soon as she does.

I just can’t hit “Publish” without at least mentioning Bronco Bomber’s racist, sexist, Supreme Court nominee. That chick is a complete nut job. Please God, bestow some juevos on the Conservatives in Congress that they might actually speak up and oppose this horrible appointment.

Memorial Day is passed. Summer is here. Time to clean out your closets and get ready for all your warm weather hobbies!

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once. Never opened. Small stain.

I firmly believe that I could not survive in Japan. Tom Selleck made it work in Mr. Baseball, barely, but I’m pretty sure I’m just not tough enough.

I don’t like sea food (Especially when it’s not cooked!), I don’t like karaoke, and I don’t like anime.

In case you have any doubt about just how weird Japan is, check out this trailer for their latest video game release for the Wii. If you suffer from seizures, you may not want to watch this. I’ve never had one, but I felt like I had by the time this video was over!

Nope. I’d never survive.

Vice President Joe “Foot-In-Mouth” Biden leveled the playing field today. Don’t worry about his policies that put American lives at risk (weak border security, wrist-slapping terrorists, anti-military idiocy, etc.) because today, he put his own life at risk.

While shooting the breeze at a fancy-pants dinner with the “media elite”, he revealed the location of the top secret VP bunker (made famous when Dick Cheney spent 9/11 in it). So now any terrorist with internet access knows exactly where Diahrea-Mouth Joe will be during the next attack.

When the poo hit the fan about Joe spilling top secret info, his press secretary responded with a firm, “Nuh uh!”

Seriously. Read it all here.

Parting thought: If a lesser public servant had screwed up that bad, he’d be facing treason charges. Just sayin’.

WARNING: Hanging out with teenagers may expose you to unusual and not-well-thought-out statements.

Dude! We should tap dance!
– Kason Bryden

Please oh please someone buy me the “too big to fail” shirt! (2XL please, cuz… you know… I’m too big. *ba-dump-tshh*)

I’ve had my head down, trying to get forward momentum on a project at work. That’s my excuse for letting Wednesday creep up on me without putting up a new whiteboard quip. I had a really good one in mind, too. But, to give it a fair shake, I have to wait for next Monday.

So, instead of giving you a quip, I’ll just tell you a funny story. How’s that?

Several months ago, Tammy and I were in an unfamiliar part of town. I was driving down a major street when Tammy suddenly gasped and exclaimed, “WHAT?!”

My heart jumped (the way it always does when I’m driving and someone in the car gasps suddenly). “Don’t DO that! It makes me think we’re about to crash or something.”

“Sorry, but did you see that restaurant back there?”

“You mean the ‘Lebanese Grill’? Yeah, that’s weird, but why the freakout?”

“OH! Lebanese! I thought it said, ‘Lesbian Grill’. What kind of restaurant is that?!”

I’ll let your imagination try and figure out exactly what a “Lesbian Grill” would serve.

Here’s a fun way to kill time. Put the lyrics to your favorite song (poem, movie quote, Bible verse, whatever) into one free, online translator, then put the translated text into a second free, online translator and see how screwed up the resulting English comes out. It’s like the old telephone game but better!

Here’s a verse from U2’s “Pride (In the Name of Love)”

One man caught on a barbed wire fence.
One man he resists.
One man washed on an empty beach.
One man betrayed with a kiss.

I put that into Yahoo’s Babelfish to get a Spanish translation. Then I copied the Spanish into Google’s Translate. Here’s the result.

A man caught in a man near one of the barbed wire that he opposes.
A man washed on an empty beach man betrayed with a kiss.

I tried it again, this time Google first and I used German as the carrier. This was better, but aparently, barbed wire didn’t translate at all.

A man imprisoned on a Stacheldrahtzaun.
A man holds.
A man washed on an empty beach.
A man with a kiss betray.

True of false: The United States of America is a Democracy.

No matter what you think the correct answer is, watch this video to learn the truth.

Facebook friends click here: http://tinyurl.com/om9tqz/?p=901

I know this horse is very dead. (But did it have any flu-like symptoms?!) But I just couldn’t pass up the chance to do some math and shock my audience.

I was hoping someone else would put something like this together, but I haven’t seen anything. I’ve heard a few numbers flung around, but nothing concrete. So here goes.

The best I could come up with my my rigorous (2 minute) internet research is that the swine flu “pandemic” began in “mid-march.” From March 16 through April 30 (that gives me a nice, round 45 days for easy math) there were 900 cases confirmed and 20 deaths worldwide. 20 deaths in 45 days… worldwide. So, let’s compare. Please note, these numbers are all statistical, not actual.

In the last 45 days…

…912,000 died of heart disease worldwide¹.

…826,000 died of cancer worldwide².

…813,000 died of hunger worldwide¹.

…86 US troops were killed in combat in Iraq (statistically, not actually)³.

…147 US troops were killed in non-combat incidents worldwide (statistically, not actually)³.

…5200 died in car accidents in the US alone⁴.

…1900 were murdered in the US alone⁴.

…2500 died of the common flu in the US alone⁴.

…11 died from lightning strikes in the US alone⁴.

and 20 died from swine flu worldwide. (1 US, 19 Mexico)

So why is this is news?