It’s that time again! Well, I suppose it’s actually past that time… oh dear.

J.R.R. Tolkien, author of “The Lord of the Rings,” wrote this passage in 1953.

Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

3 – 7 – 9 – 1

He died in 1973.

1 – 9 – 7 – 3

Pleated-Jeans.com is one of those websites that’s like crack cocaine to my procrastination. You really really really should not click that link if you expect to get anything done today.

Speaking of which, it’s Monday and so it’s time for a fresh new White Board Quip of the Week. Normally, I pull a random quip from a database (yes, really) of quips that I have collected over time. But today’s quip jumped straight to the head of the queue. It’s from P-J’s post, “18 Facebook Statuses That Are Actually Worth Reading,” and it made me cubicle-snort (see explanation below).

I thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 20 minutes before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a pigeon.

*snork* … *wheeez* … Must… not… disturb… cubicle farm… with… laughter!!

Time to plug in your sub-woofer, grab your lightsaber and turn them both up to 11! Seriously!!

A bit of simple wisdom from my youth.

What doesn’t kill you makes you smaller.
– Super Mario

Of course, if I’d grown up with Sega and Sonic, it might say something about losing a pile of gold rings.

We are in the process of shuffling our toys. Buying and selling is an adventure with many pitfalls. Did you guys know that there are scammers on CraigsList? I know! Shocking, right?!

Where does he get those wonderful toys? – The Joker

I’m doing pretty good with my exercise regimen, but I’m not losing weight yet. Maybe it’s because of this week’s white board quip.

Exercise? Extra fries!

(And yes, it’s late. I know. Shut up.)

It was sure close, but by my clock, it’s still February. So, with this WFHF video, I have kept my goal of at least one video a month for 2014. Whew! Too close!

Tammy insisted that I couldn’t do any other videos until I finished the sequel to 2013 Colorado Vacation (Part 1). So here it is! (And is really long. And it really is Tammy’s fault. You’ll see.)

According to the local news, this week is when most folks give up on their new year’s resolutions. It’s supposed to be the favorite time of year for regular gym rats, because all the pasty, flabby, gross (you know, regular) people have finally quit sweating on the cardio machines and hogging the weights and the over-tanned, oily, GNC folks who go to the gym everyday because the want to (sickos) can get back to their regular routines.

Well, I’ve got bad news for the gym rats. Last week, I actually got back to the gym for the first time in a month. As I posted previously, I’ve been battling some sinus cooties that have sapped my energy. I’m back on the horse now** and, I can honestly say, it felt good to get back to the gym.

Of course by, “felt good,” I mean it was a mental boost. “Felt good” is not how I would describe the physical experience. That part really sucked, actually, because the time off and the illness has set me back a bit. But you know what they*** say, “No pain… yeah, no pain. I prefer that!”

Which brings us to WBQofW #256:

My favorite machine at the gym is the one that you put money in and food comes out.

* “Gloots” is what gym rats call their butt muscles. It’s short for “gluteus maximus.” You see it’s funny because the quip is about a vending machine which that makes you fat. Get it? No? Shut up, it’s funny.

** “Back on the horse” means I’m fully recovered and doing normal things. It comes from the ranch where, when you get sick or injured (especially from falling off a horse), your primary goal is to get well so you can ride again. I’m sorry if you’re too citified to understand that.

*** “They” usually refers to the anonymous masses of a culture norm. In this case, “they” refers to me, because unlike the “they” who says stupid things like, “pain is weakness leaving the body,” I say “pain is your body telling you, ‘Hey! Cut that crap out!! It hurts!!'”

In the Universe’s relentless effort to make me feel old, few things are as effective as putting anniversary dates on things I enjoyed in my youth.

“Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure” came out 25 years ago.

*sigh* Bogus.

Mental Floss has some fun facts about the old Wild Stallions:

15 Things You Might Not Know About Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure