In America…

There’s an 11.5% chance that you have a masters degree or higher.
There’s a 10% chance that you are left handed.
There’s an 8.3% chance that you have been diagnosed with diabetes.
There’s a 6.2% chance that you are a veteran.
There’s a 5% chance that you will never get married.
There’s a 3.3% chance that you are a citizen or *legal* resident born in Mexico.
There’s a 2.7% chance that you are a millionaire.
There’s a 2.3% chance that you are gay.

So why are we changing every facet of our culture to appease the gay agenda?

(This ought to give my site a good traffic spike! Everyone put on your wading boots. Here come the haters. *grin*)

A bit of simple wisdom from my youth.

What doesn’t kill you makes you smaller.
– Super Mario

Of course, if I’d grown up with Sega and Sonic, it might say something about losing a pile of gold rings.

I’ve seen this one making the rounds of the internet. It made me “cubicle laugh” several times. (You know, “cubicle laugh.” When, in any other circumstance you would laugh really loud, but your at work, so you have to stifle it and nearly have a brain hemorrhage.)

I thought I would try to find and credit the original source. My search lead me through some dark alleys of the internet. It scares me to think what was behind some of those banner ads. *shudder*

The best I could come up with was a link to Ruminations.com, a blog that no longer exists, written by comedian Aaron Karo. There’s no evidence of this list on his existing site, but the “voice” does match his current work.

Anyway… to the funny! [With my comments added in brackets.]

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
[This never happens to me. DO YOU HEAR ME??!! NEVAAARRRR!!]

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
[Preach, brother.]

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
[Ya think?! … See?]

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
[This one I can help with. Find the corner seams and fold them. Ignore the rest.]

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
[Only so I can read birthday cards from my grandma.]

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
[Clearly this list is very old. You see, children, when dinosaurs roamed the earth, before Google Maps…]

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
[I always felt like they were missing something.]

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
[See also: #3]

10. Bad decisions make good stories.
[And expensive medical and/or legal bills.]

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
[3:30 pm. If it comes earlier, I’m in real trouble.]

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection … again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
[This is scarier than ever “horror” movie made in the last 10 years … combined.]

14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this … ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (“Hello? Hello? [Nuts]!”), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
[For me, it’s when I wear a new and highly hilarious t-shirt.]

17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
[Guilty.]

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
[I always did not like* those commercials. It’s basically promoting prostitution.]

20. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
[Though, to be fair, this option might make several U.S. cities totally inaccessible.]

21. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
[And when I’m done, I feel justified in not going to the gym that week.]

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
[Because, children, we NEVAAARR look at our phones while driving. RIGHT??!!]

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
[Is this list getting too long, because I’m craving potato chips.]

25. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
[Once. Twice if it’s my boss.]

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
[YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!]

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
[Oh, children. I weep for the future.]

29. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
[Cue brain hemorrhaging cubicle laugh.]

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.
[Nope. Share the road.]

31. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
[Watch? What’s a watch?]

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my [granny’s teeth] everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

This week’s white board quip hits close to home.

Remember a few weeks ago when I posted about my old man grumpy problem? Well, we’ve come up with a solution. “Trint’s Grumpy Jar.” Yep. Every time Tammy catches me being overly grumpy, I have to put a dollar coin in the Grumpy Jar. And it seems to be working. After a month, there’s only $2 in there.

The flip side is that there is another jar: “Tammy’s Worry Jar.” (And it has more than $2 in it!)

Worry can be crippling and it is unquestionably an epidemic. As a nation, we have lost the concept of faith in God. “God’s in control.” “God can handle this.” “God is bigger than the boogie man.*”

Worry (and it’s related physical stress) have a terrible effect on your life. It can ruin your mood. It can strain relationships. It can actually kill you. (So now, you have that to worry about! You’re welcome.)

So this week’s white board quip is dedicated to Tammy and her jar. Don’t worry. Be happy.

But if I go to bed, who’s gonna worry about everything?

It’s been years since I posted about secure passwords. If you’re a “new viewer,” please go read it! In fact, even if you’ve read it before, go read it again! YES! NOW!! (Don’t worry. I’ll wait.)

The one thing I would add to that article today is this:

7 – Make your passwords as long as allowed.

Password guessing tools are getting smarter and faster all the time. Too many websites don’t defend against “brute force” attacks (where a hacker can guess thousands of passwords a minute and only has to be right once).

Now, keep in mind, that first post was from 2010. One of the articles referenced was from 2008. The other one doesn’t even exist any more. So, surely by now, things have improved, right? People have finally learned how to secure their web identity, right?!

Well, as it turns out, no. Not at all.

Just this week, it came out that some two million passwords were recently stolen, including some from Facebook, Twitter, and Google (GMail and G+). So, change your passwords today! Seriously!! (I just did.)

What’s worse is what we learned from the stolen data. Passwords are just as stupid and weak now as they were five years ago! Of the two million passwords stolen, over 15,000 of them were “123456”… ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! The article goes on to compare password strength from the new data to password data from 2006 and it shows that passwords are getting worse, not better.

Back in 2006 the top ten most common passwords comprised only 0.9% of the total count. Today, in 2013, they add up to 2.4%.

I know this blog is usually funny and far from serious and that is my goal. But in all seriousness, please be smart about your passwords. The internet is a truly awesome tool. But if not used correctly, intelligently, and carefully, it can ruin your finances, your relationships, and, even your health and well-being.

[Wow. That got way to serious for a minute there.]

And remember to incorporate either “fart” or “poop” in your passwords at all times.

[There. That’s better.]

Found this on Tumblr.

And then he will shoot you in the face. Nice try though!

It beautifully summarizes the faulty logic of the the Liberal mind. That is: It sounds beautiful and poetic, but it’s naive and ultimately futile. So sad. I have huge respect Malala and I agree with her about the importance of education. But what the Left can not comprehend is that there is evil in the world that doesn’t care about logic or reason or love. And when you encounter that evil, without force, you are unarmed and that evil will win.

P.S. I have a Tumblr! (http://trint99.tumblr.com/)

It’s Monday! Time for a new White Board Quip of the Week. But this Monday is a little different. It’s my mom’s birthday. Today, she would be… um… 39 again. (Whew, almost messed up there!)

I just spent the last two hours (Eeesh… Don’t tell my boss.) reading through the blog we used to document my mom’s last year. (Here.) I started off thinking surely there had to be a good Sassy quote I could put on my white board. I ended up reliving some hard times and getting my eyes all sweaty. Good thing the office is near empty today.

Finally, I found my white board quip!

In December of 2010, after several life-threatening illnesses and accidents, the doctors told us she was on the last road. We all gathered to say good-bye. It was really tough. Little did any of us know, she would, in her Sassy style, defy the doctors and live on for several months (until March 2011).

But during that quiet night, laying comfortably and waiting to drift away, my mom smiled, looked at me, and said…

“It’s amazing how much stuff you can not care about. My house. My things. I don’t have to worry about what Obama’s going to do!”

So true! Remember, chi’ren: While we’re here, we should care about what’s going on around us, but only so much. This world is not our home. This is little more than the womb from which we will someday be born into eternity.

…

Wow! That was deep! Did I really just make that up?! I usually just say, “You’ll be dead a lot longer than you’ll be ‘alive’.” Same principle. Are you ready?

There are thousands of words to be said about the current budget stand-off, government shutdown, and impending debt limit debate. But rather than spout those thousands of words, I’ll let this simple yet brilliant video do the talking.

It’s Work From Home Friday! Here’s another episode of Quick Hits with Trint!

According to this news article (which I admit is from a ring-wing-nut web site), recent data released from the Centers for Disease Control shows that, in 2008, sexually transmitted diseases infected more new people than college graduations and new jobs combined.

Frighteningly, there were six times as many new STD infections among 15-24 year-olds than the total number of college graduates that year. Six times!!

According to the CDC, there were more than 110 million Americans living with an STD in 2008. (And that’s five years ago! How many more since then?!) That’s basically one in three. Statistically, if you can ride in the car pool lane, someone in your car probably has crotch cooties.

So, at what point do the Liberal nut jobs concede that their “they’re going to do it anyway,” “free condoms for kids,” sex ed programs (that started before I was in junior high) don’t work?

If you want to guarantee that you won’t get an STD, you have one option and one option only: Be a virgin when you marry a virgin. Anything less, and you’re playing against the odds.