I’ve never liked McDonald’s. It makes my mouth feel greasy. It makes my stomach feel heavy. It doesn’t taste quite right. There’s just something wrong about it.

When I saw “Super Size Me” a couple of years ago, I didn’t really see it as an attack on Mickey D’s. It did opened my eyes to American food trends in general: Out-of-control serving sizes, massive amounts of calories, sugar, and fat. And certainly McD’s has let the charge. But is there more to it than 44 oz. Cokes and too much salt?

I just found out about several studies into McDonald’s food shelf life. Clicky clicky to see a happy meal that has set out in the open for over a year. Not only has it not decomposed. It has not drawn any pests. Even ants and mice agree that McD’s is gross. The video below shows a four year old happy meal that looks nearly as good as the day it was served (compared to a three month old potato that does not). And here is a whopping 12-year-old McD’s hamburger.

And now, for the craziest of the crazies: A “Burger Museum” featuring McDonald’s sandwiches from every year since 1989. How about a nice, clean, decay free 18 year old hamburger? Sound yummy? No, I didn’t think so.

Here’s another story that should be all over the news but isn’t.

The crack-pot who stormed Discovery Channel headquarters with a gun left behind a manifesto. Have you seen anything on the lame-stream media about his motivation? Have any of the major news networks reported his demands? Nope. And here’s why:

James Lee was a tree-hugging, environmentalist whacko who experienced “awakening” thanks Al Gore’s propaganda. According to his web rants, Lee’s purpose for toting a gun into Discovery was to demand more air-time for global warming and population growth hate speech. In his own words [ed. Emphasis added]:

 The Discovery Channel and it’s affiliate channels MUST have daily television programs … where solutions to save the planet would be done. … Focus must be given on how people can live WITHOUT giving birth to more filthy human children since those new additions continue pollution and are pollution.

… [P]rograms encouraging human sterilization and infertility must be pushed.

… [T]alk about ways to disassemble civilization…

… Develop shows that will correct and dismantle the dangerous US world economy.

…All human procreation and farming must cease!

[ed. And here’s my personal favorite] … Nothing is more important than saving [wildlife]. The Lions, Tigers, Giraffes, Elephants, Froggies, Turtles, Apes, Raccoons, Beetles, Ants, Sharks, Bears, and, of course, the Squirrels. The humans? The planet does not need humans.

It goes on and on, but I think you get the idea. So, why would the (big “L”) Liberal media be so conspicuously silent? I know this argument is old and tired, but it’s still true. Let’s put the shoe on the other foot. Let’s say a armed man storms into Discovery Channel HQ demanding that they air more pro-life, anti-abortion programs or more pro-Christian programs. I’m pretty sure that would be headline news for at least a week, maybe more, delving deep into every nook of that man’s past, his evangelical roots, his ring-wing-nut political affiliations.

But what happens when the big news heads happen to agree with the crazy armed man (albeit to a less foaming-mouth crazy degree)? The story dies.

Just my observations and ruminations. Naturally, you have every right to disagree with me.

On a side note, I must give this one bit of praise to the former Mr. Lee. For the first time in my memory, an anti-human-population nut actually “lived it out” and took action to remove his own carbon footprint from Mother Earth (although, he could have saved the police one of their bullets by employing his own). Kudos for practicing what you preach. Now, if the rest of you eco-nut-buckets would follow suit, the rest of us could get on with our lives in peace.

Clicky clicky for the story that prompted this “awakening.”

“Woot” (or more properly “w00t”) is an old school gamer term that is an exclamation, a term of excitement, the kind of thing one might shout; thin, pale arms raised; after defeating Count Dracula at the end of Castlevania or Barracoon’s champion spawn in Ultima Online. Woot also a pretty cool website.

On Woot.com, you can buy one item, deeply discounted, for 24 hours. At least that’s how it started. But they’ve now expanded and there are several categories of items to choose from. One of those is t-shirts. Most shirts on shirt.woot.com are too artsy (read “lame”) for my taste, but they do have a few gems. And right now, for some reason, they are doing a sort of competition where many of the designs offered on shirt.woot are available.

All this is to say, I want some shirts!! But I don’t know how long they’ll be for available, and I’m trying to watch my spending until Tammy gets a job. Sooooo, if you really like me (I’ll settle for “you don’t hate me”) and have $15 to spare…

A Race For A Cure For Something
Knock Knock… Banana
The Raven
Rock Paper Scissors

Adult 2X, please. If you don’t know me well enough to know my shipping address, just drop a comment and I’ll email you.

I try really hard not to let political debates get personal.

Okay, that’s a lie. But when your opponents leave the door open for cheap shots like this, it’s so hard not to pounce. Proud “Latino/Hispanic American.” (according to her web page) Democrat County Supervisor Peggy West of Milwaukee County, WI, mounted this stirring argument as to why Milwaukee County should vote to boycott Arizona

Case closed.

Surely the latest sign of the coming apocalypse is this:

WILLIE NELSON HAS CUT HIS HAIR!!!

Yes, really! Those trademark red braids are GONE! See for yourself: Clicky clicky.

These are strange days, children. Strange days.

As a public service, I have created and am now sharing with you, a new universal hand signal for drivers. I understand that it takes a lot of time and effort to reprint drivers education manuals, so I don’t expect to see this showing up in the official Texas Department of Public Safty materials for a while, but I’m sure it will be there eventually.

Thus, I’m looking into the costs and feasibility of producing my own educational materials to get the word out about this new hand signal. (Yes, seriously. I’m checking into getting bumper stickers printed. Let me know if your interested!)

So, without further ado, I present you with the “Hang Up & Drive” signal.

While it seems, for now, we’re no longer in danger of the U.S. dollar losing its status as the global reserve currency (thanks to those socialist nutjobs in Greece), we’re not out of the woods yet. That’s because English (or more generally, the Latin alphabet) is no longer the king of the hill for the internet. That’s right, we no longer own the internet!

ICANN, the governing body that doles out domain names, has begun issuing domains using the Arabic alphabet! Yep. I’m serious.

Now, I’ve got no problem with folks having domains in their own language using their own alphabet. But just you wait. I predict it will be less than a month before some clown finds some characters in a foreign alphabet that look like smiley faces or flowers or music notes and gets a domain name like “www.♠Cool♥Online♦Poker♣.com”.

And I’m pretty sure that’s one of the signs of the Apocalypse.

I absolutely love funny, well done, just-for-the-web advertising (a.k.a. viral ads). There is a whole series on YouTube for the Toyota Sienna minivan. If you’ve got some time, check out the whole series here. If you don’t, allow me to share a few of my favorites.

The Swagger Wagon

Bonding Time – I don’t know why but this one makes me think of RandyPants.

Mommy’s Rest – If you snore (like me), this one will hit home for sure.

Now, ask yourself. Does viral advertising work? Well, what are the chances that I would be pimping a minivan on my blog if it weren’t for these awesome videos? Two words: Ze-Ro.

Seriously! The first Friday in May is No Pants Day. I’m doing my part. Are you?!

Check it out! (Clicky clicky.)

I know that we live in a lost world. I know that we are surrounded by people who do not have the same values, morals, or faith. And you know what? I’m OK with that. Given my rhetoric, you might not think so, but I do embrace the American experiment. We all have freedom of speech, so people can say the dumbest things they want to say. We all have freedom of religion, so people can worship whatever gods they can invent. And we have the freedom of the press, so sick pinko liberal stinkies can broadcast their hateful, racist diarrhea of the mouth all over our media outlets.

But here’s where I get irritated.  It just burns my hide at how openly and blatantly double standards are played out and accepted. Today’s headlines bring us three glaring examples.

Double Standard #1 – Thou shalt not segregate, denigrate, calumniate, or depreciate any person or group based on their ethnicity… unless they’re white.

The principal of Dicken Elementary School; in Ann Arbor, MI; is unapologetic after conducting a field trip for black kids only. His argument remains that he was trying to “close the achievement gap between white and black students.” I’ll admit, that’s a noble pursuit. But you don’t accomplish that by sending all the black kids to a motivational speech and telling all the with kids, “Sorry, you’re white. Go to class.” What’s worse, Principal Mike Madison seems to be completely blind to his own racism.

“The intent of our field trip was not to segregate or exclude students as has been reported, but rather to address the societal issues, roadblocks and challenges that our African American children will face as they pursue a successful academic education here in our community.”

In other words, “This isn’t racism. I’m helping black kids!” Ummm… No, that’s racism.

rac·ism –noun: A belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement.

And this is certainly not just about putting black kids first. Noo. That would be too obvious. We have to be “colorblind” in our efforts to subjugate white kids. As our second story illustrates.

At Live Oak High School in Morgan Hill, CA, as suburb of San Fransisco, five white kids were sent home when they refused to turn their t-shirts inside-out as ordered by their asst. principal. Why? Because their shirts featured American flags. Assistant Principal Miguel Rodriguez, a Hispanic man, felt the shirts where “incendiary” and the kids were trouble makers because they were touting their American pride on Cinco de Mayo. According to Annicia Nunez, a Hispanic student at the school, the boys owe her an apology because, “…it is a Mexican Heritage Day. We don’t deserve to be get disrespected like that. We wouldn’t do that on Fourth of July.” Uhh, Miss Nunez, you’re statement would make perfect sense if this had happened in Baja, but it didn’t. You are an American citizen (I hope) and an idiot.

To its credit, the school district has issued a statement that it did not agree with the school’s actions. And what makes this particularly juicy is that at least one of the students, even though he has pale skin and a European last name, is half Mexican.

Double Standard #2 – Thou shalt not disparage, insult, or even joke about any religion, faith, or moral stance… as long as it’s either Islam or Atheism.

Last month, Comedy Central was in the news for censoring it’s most depraved and insulting show for the only the second time in it’s thirteen year history. In both of those cases, South Park episodes were changed specifically to prevent the show from offending Islam. This is in spite of the fact that South Park has recurring Jesus and Satan characters that are genuinely appalling to Christians. In the very episode in question, Mohammad was removed, but “Jesus Christ was depicted watching pornography and Buddha was portrayed snorting cocaine.”

To add insult to … insult, Comedy Central is developing a new animated show, “JC,” which is “a cartoon show about Christ trying to get out from the shadow of his ‘powerful but apathetic father’ so He can lead a typical ol’ New York life.” Yeah. I’m sure that won’t offend anyone. At least not anyone that matters. Right?