It’s party season. I had three events this weekend (counting a parade). Christmas parties are great… usually. But if you let your tired moodiness get in the way they can be a real drag and you can be a real party pooper. I’m determined not to let that happen to me this year. Inspired by the following white board quip.

Can we ever have a party you don’t poop?
– Dale Gribble

Nothing cures economic doldrums like some good satire. Check out Fred’s latest vlog. Then enjoy this week’s white board quip.

Why is the man who invests all your money called a “broker”?

It’s official. The holidays are here. (Pay no attention to the Christmas decorations at the mall that have already been up for a month.) This will be a really short week for most of us. (Tammy is only working one day and most of our kids got the whole week off from school!) Be safe and have a good time.

Remember, the fourth Thursday in November is a celebration of prosperity and glut, so you’d better start packing on the carbs early!! I strongly recommend sweatpants.

And for this consumption based season, offer this week’s white board quip:

I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it.
– Steven Wright

Speaking of turning 35…

As soon as you hit 35, you begin to realize that a nap is every bit as good as an orgasm.

Ripped from Paul Stoecklein at You Had Me At Idiot.

Have you ever wondered why a guy like me votes republican even when there are aspects of the republican candidate that really irritate me?

Communism is man’s exploitation of man. Capitalism is just the opposite.

Yeah. That’s why.

I’m getting dangerously close to burnout on the political news. I’m still passionate about it, but with nothing really new happening and both parties playing an awful lot of the same, old, tired, political games, it’s hard to stay interested. Thus, today’s quip is an old, tired, political one.

Anyone who is capable of being elected president should on no account be allowed to do the job.
– The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

No. I’m not sick or anything. I was just trying to imagine the following.

The quality of my life would be greatly reduced if I did not have nostrils.
– Weird Al Yankovic

I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious!
– Steven Wright

Today’s white board quip is brought to you by your democrat-run, do-nothing, U.S. Congress which, in the last two years, has passed thousands of non-binding resolutions to rename post offices and a couple dozen actual bills, barely enough to keep the government running. And now, they are screaming from the roof-tops that if they don’t “buckle down” and work “long hours through the weekend” to spend trillions of your dollars to bail out their Freddy and Fanny friends (all former Clinton aides or former democratic congressmen by the way) we will all go back to selling apples on the street for five cents a piece.

Thank you, Mrs. Pelosi. Thank you oh-so much. We look forward to seeing you lose your job in November.

Despite the ever-rising cost of living, it remains popular.

[Update: The house fails to pass the bail-out package with many dems voting against it. Ha! Frankly, I’m glad. I’ve emailed both of my senators and my house rep and asked them to vote down any bill that bails out other people’s bad financial risks at my expense.]

In the last few days, the federal government has made financial promises that amount to one trillion dollars. Yes, trillion with a t. That is one million million.

Funny thing is, you and I are the financiers of the federal government. There are three hundred million American’s, give a take. So this single week of bailouts is going to cost every man, woman, and child $3333. That’s $6666 for my household of two. How many people live in your house?

So anyway, I hope you’ve got a hundred thou’ or so laying around that you’re willing to part with, cuz you’re gonna have to cover my share too. I ain’t got it.

Today’s white board quip express the sentiment of our government on these financial issues.

If you want to make an omelet, you just have to kill a few people.