Ten! Ten white board quips! Ah-ah-ah-ahhhh! *Thunder claps* (Now you know exactly how old I am. The Count was only on Seasame Street in the good old days.)

You may recognize this one, if you are a fan of Steven Wright.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

WBQotW #9 is one of those phrases that you hear walking through a crowded restaurant and then really wish you hadn’t.

The word “almost” is dangerous. You never want to date someone who is “almost” a woman.

I stole this one from PvP. Have you ever heard parents complain about all the stuff they have to do for their kids? Soccer practice, piano lessons, fund raisers, band concerts; and that doesn’t even touch the surface of the added headaches of the holidays. Well, good ol’ Brent Sienna, PVP’s perpetual bachelor, had the best retort I’ve heard for all this bawling.

That’s what you get for reproducing!

Nice!

I went on a “Young Men’s Retreat” this week. To you lay people out there, that means I went camping with a bunch of teen age boys with a bunch of penned up energy. There were many, many, many very funning quips flying through the night air in those rainy woods and I hope I can remember them all long enough to use them as White Board Quips.

It’s like Goonies for grown ups!

Ahh youth.

WBQotW #6 comes to us from an article at ananova (linked from Apropos). Madona has been listed as one of the Most Influential Jewish Americans. That’s funny enough. But dig this quote from the editor of the list:

“…she’s practicing Judaism for Christ’s sake! Well, not really for Christ’s sake…”

HA! That’s priceless.

And just to prove that I’m not making this up, I want to point out something. You’ll notice that you can see my white board in this picture of Uncle Robert and me in my cube.

You can, in fact, see my actual White Board Quip of the Week! See! I TOLD you so. And you thought I was just being silly. Well… yes, I am. But still.

I’ve been teaching comparative religion lessons to my Sunday School guys (10th grade boys) which makes this quip that much funnier.

At first I thought he was high, but it turned out he was just a Scientologist.

(Gratuitously plagiarized from In Passing.)

If you’ve never heard of Chipotle (pronounced Chee-Poat-Lay), then you simply must pay a visit to a state that has these behemoth burrito outlets. I loves me some Chipotle. But to be honest, a Chipotle burrito is prototypical American gluttony.

The following WBQotW (#4 for those keeping count) comes from a comment made to a Chipotle customer just before engaging his recently purchased, tortilla wrapped pound and a half of glut.

“You realize that all of that will eventually have to come back out of you.”

I don’t know about you, but that just ruined MY lunch.

Oh… I almost cried… but I’m going to hell for it.

Ever have one of those moments when you can’t stop laughing about something, even when it’s really off color or tacky? My boss, Dave had just such a moment, and from it, I gleaned this great quip.

I looked like a third grader trying to seal a jar of pickles using oven mitts dipped in petroleum jelly.

If you surf the web enough, you can find the most unusal statements.

Like here or here.