Feeling a little weird today. Not like weird weird. That’d be normal… for me.

I’m not myself today. Maybe I’m you.

Hey, everybody! Great news! I’m feeling better. It’s a new year. Time to shake off the grumpies (from that last post) and get something done!

C’mon, Steve. We’ve got a diem to carpe!
-Flint Lockwood

[WARNING: Grumpy Old Man post ahead!]

Happy New Year’s Eve, everybody! 2013 is done. 2014 is here. And I’m so excited, I could take a nap.

This year I turned 40 years old which makes it totally OK for me to act like an old fart. I’m utilizing this new freedom to its fullest. I’ve found it much easier to make public snide comments, complaints, and bodily noises without shame.

Seriously, though. I know none of that is good. I should not be proud of it (and I’m really trying not to be).

2013 was not a banner year in my life. There were more disappointments than successes. I remain very grateful for God’s intense blessings. But I find myself focusing more on the disappointments. And that’s wrong.

I’m intensely thankful that Tammy healed from her ATV accident. I’m disappointed that it happened (ending our Colorado vacation in a far-from-home hospital). I’m very disappointed in how our health insurance has handled it.

I’m intensely thankful for my job. I’m disappointed that the economic slump has limited the “perks” we used to enjoy. I’m very disappointed that my good friend and co-worker RandyPants is leaving for greener pastures (but I’m thankful for his new opportunity).

I’m intensely thankful for my home. I’m disappointed that I have not been able to do the long list of repairs and upgrades that I had planned. I’m very disappointed that my home is not in the Colorado Rockies (nor are there realistic, near-term chances that it will be).

I’m intensely thankful for my health. I’m disappointed that my lack of self-discipline has left me only a few pounds away from my all-time high weight. I’m very disappointed that I’ve squandered a fairly expensive gym membership.

I’m intensely thankful for Christmas and the fact that Tammy and I were able to buy each other gifts. I’m disappointed that I was sick all week. I’m very disappointed that my cold caused us to cancel several of our favorite activities (and now Tammy is suffering from my unintentional Christmas gift to her… my cold).

Every year, I get a new Dilbert desk calendar. And on the first office day of the year, I flip to December 31st and ask my future self some tough questions. On the page for December 31st, 2013, the first line reads, “Still going to the gym? Yeah. I didn’t think so.” Wow. Thanks, me-from-the-past, for that stirring vote of confidence. You were totally right, but still…

I can’t continue to dwell on the negative. I just can’t. It’s not healthy. It makes it look like I’m not thankful for my innumerable blessings. It reflects poorly on my Faith. And it makes me sound like an old fart! I won’t have it! I’m not OK with this.

So what’s to be done? How do I remedy this old-farted-ness? I have some thoughts involving positive affirmation, goal setting and tracking, etc., but to be honest, I’m not sure if any of it will work.

Tomorrow is New Year’s Day. I know that it’s an arbitrary, subjective method for tracking our laps around the Sun, but it’s more than that. It’s a demarcation. It’s a line in the sand. It’s an excuse to say, “Today, I will change.” And as weak and arbitrary as I know it to be, I need it. I need to draw the line.

*sigh*

Or I could take a nap.

On that note, here’s the last White Board Quip for 2013.

Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you’re finished. – Tracy Jordan

It’s beginning to look a lot like Life Day! (#HashTag #JokesForNerds)

And in that spirit, here’s this week’s white board quip:

If Steven Spielberg wasn’t a Jew, he’d be a Baptist putting on a Christmas pageant. – RandyPants

It’s that time of year already. Can you believe it? In just a few days, Halloween (a.k.a. Candy Socialism Day) will have passed and no force of nature will be able to stop Tammy from singing Christmas songs. (Even though I plead with her to at least wait until after my birthday on the 10th.)

Tammy and I have already been forced into weekly calendar merge meetings. As it stands we don’t have a totally free weekend until December. And we all know that by then, those weekends will be full too.

This feeling of busyness, TODO lists, and “what am I forgetting,” brings us this week’s white board quip:

My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.

But, when I force myself to take a minute, breath, and evaluate; I have to admit, my life is awesome. I have a wife who is simply amazing. I’m healthy. (OK, fat… but working on it, so shut up.) I have a church family that really is that: family. I have a job I love that doesn’t bleed over into personal time. I live in the best state in the best country in the world (still, despite some powerful efforts to the contrary).

And then, I realize how much I have to get done, so stop day dreaming (or blogging) and get back to work!!

In my database of white board quips (Yes, such I think really exists.), the source credit for this quip is simply “IT Guy.” I don’t think I know who this IT Guy is, but I like his taste. *knee slap*

I am a guacamole of knowledge into which you may dip the nacho of need.

It’s Monday! Time for a new White Board Quip of the Week. But this Monday is a little different. It’s my mom’s birthday. Today, she would be… um… 39 again. (Whew, almost messed up there!)

I just spent the last two hours (Eeesh… Don’t tell my boss.) reading through the blog we used to document my mom’s last year. (Here.) I started off thinking surely there had to be a good Sassy quote I could put on my white board. I ended up reliving some hard times and getting my eyes all sweaty. Good thing the office is near empty today.

Finally, I found my white board quip!

In December of 2010, after several life-threatening illnesses and accidents, the doctors told us she was on the last road. We all gathered to say good-bye. It was really tough. Little did any of us know, she would, in her Sassy style, defy the doctors and live on for several months (until March 2011).

But during that quiet night, laying comfortably and waiting to drift away, my mom smiled, looked at me, and said…

“It’s amazing how much stuff you can not care about. My house. My things. I don’t have to worry about what Obama’s going to do!”

So true! Remember, chi’ren: While we’re here, we should care about what’s going on around us, but only so much. This world is not our home. This is little more than the womb from which we will someday be born into eternity.

…

Wow! That was deep! Did I really just make that up?! I usually just say, “You’ll be dead a lot longer than you’ll be ‘alive’.” Same principle. Are you ready?

Ah, Charlie. Thank you for ruining your own life for our entertainment. Just remember, Jesus loves you anyway.

I’ve got poetry in my fingertips.
– Charlie Sheen

Poetry… or boogers. Whatev’s.

I just realized that, on Monday when I updated my actual white board with a new white board quip, I failed to post it to the inter toobs. Scandal! Or maybe just apathy.

Have you tried apathy? It’s awesome.
– Wally

Politics and religion. The two topics we’re not supposed to talk about. Why? Because we will disagree, sometimes adamantly. Occasionally, with machine guns and bombs. Sadly, this is how mankind is wired. It’s been true since Cain disagreed with his brother Able… with a rock… to the head. And so, we have this white board quip of the week.

I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.