I can’t tell you how awesome this video is because it overloaded my awesome meter. The meter just says, “Sorry. Too awesome.”

The mohawk. The leather kilt. The flames. There are no words.

This is the “Bad Piper” and he has his own YouTube channel.

“A splinter is in your future.” – Worst Fortune Cookies

Don’t I know it.

There’s no stopping the future. – Yogi Berra

Stay tuned for a big personal news post to explain the sentiment of this week’s white board quip.

So much yes!

Have you ever had that feeling that you missed something really important because you were overly occupied with something else even more important? Yeah. Me too.

I was out of town last week for something “even more important” and totally missed something really important in one context but completely meaningless in a larger context.

Confused yet?

It will make sense later when I can tell you the whole story. But for now…

Last Monday, June 9th, Surely You’re Not Serious celebrated its 10th birthday, quietly, alone, with a single candle jammed into a banana nut muffin. It was not the joyous celebration SYNS deserved. Instead of toasting my old friend, I was traveling, trying unsuccessfully to master temperature selection in strange showers.

Which brings us to this week’s white board quip!

We all think we’re pretty smart until we try to turn on someone else’s shower.

Yes. I am a master of seque (even though I had to google it get figure out the spelling). Thanks for noticing.

If you’ve got several hours and nothing better to do, you could start at the very first SYNS post and see where it all began!

Bronco Bomber reminds me a lot of Tony Romo. Romo, the Dallas Cowboys’ quarter back is either loved or hated by fans. There is no middle ground. Bad throws. Poor decisions. Many many games lost in “clutch” situations. But… BUT once in a blue moon, Romo will pull out a truly miraculous play. The commentators will ooh and aww for the days. Apologists will say, “Yeah, but did you see him on that impossible 3rd and long against the Giants?” That one play. That’s all it takes to distract the small minded from the years and years of epic sucktitude.

Yeah, Bronco Bomber is exactly like that. And just this week, the Bomber has pulled out one of his best and most spectacular plays. And it’s worked like a charm… at least on the small minded, doe-eyed, sound-bite driven, 140-characters-or-less, 15-seconds-of-fame, Lamestream suckers.

Do 5 minutes of real truth hunting (like I did) and you see what a colossal disaster this is!

First, for the first time in American history, we have negotiated with terrorist. There is a myriad of reasons why we have never done this, too many to discuss right now.

Second, it was a very very bad bargain. We traded a five-man terrorist dream team for one America-hating, looney-bin Army deserter.

“WHAT? Noooo. That can’t be right.”

Read it for yourself:

“I am ashamed to be an American. And the title of US soldier is just the lie of fools,” he concluded. “I am sorry for everything. The horror that is America is disgusting.“

These are the words of the “Hero POW” Bronco just “liberated.”

And, as if that wasn’t enough, this is his equally nutty father’s reply to that very quote:

Bob Bergdahl responded in an email: “OBEY YOUR CONSCIENCE!”

Attaboy, Dad. You raised your boy up right, didn’t ya. “Do whatever you want to, kid. Never mind that you committed to the Army. Never mind that millions were spent to train you, to keep you safe, to equip you with nothing but the best. Never mind that dozens or even hundreds of real patriots will put their lives on the line to rescue your sorry butt from the Taliban. Never mind all that. You just put down your weapon and walk away from your post into the starry Afghan night. I’m sure it will all work out.”

One night, after finishing a guard-duty shift, Bowe Bergdahl asked his team leader whether there would be a problem if he left camp with his rifle and night-vision goggles — to which the team leader replied “yes.” [editor: Understatement of the century!]

Bergdahl then returned to his bunker, picked up a knife, water, his diary and a camera, and left camp.

And guess what? It DID all work out thanks to our dear and glorious Bronco Bomber. Yaaaaay.

Read the full article and decide for yourself.

I love that song. “Cuz when you worry your face will frown and that will bring everybody down. Don’t worry. Beeeeee happy.”

What a great song. Too bad that life is… well, life.

The big project is done and out the door. Which means I now have time to look at my white board and see all the things that were put on hold for the big project. And the bug reports from the big project are beginning to trickle in. AND the next big project that was to follow the big project has been moved up.

AND… well. you get the idea. So here’s this week’s white board quip, written at the top of a very full white board.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and then realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.

Just a quick video to check in. Doing the best I can with the… doo I have to do it with.

I grew up on the outskirts of Amarillo, Texas, less than five miles away from the Big Texan. If you’ve ever been on I-40 anywhere along it’s nation-wide stretch, you’ve probably seen a billboard touting their “FREE” 72 ounce steak. Yes, it’s for real. Yes, I’ve seen it. Yes, it’s free… IF you can eat it, a baked potato, a salad, a shrimp cocktail, and a dinner roll (about 4500 calories total) in under 60 minutes without a bathroom break (or even standing up to “pack it down”). If you don’t make it, you pay about $80.

Generally speaking, Big Texan is a tourist trap. The kind of place you should visit once, just to say you’ve been there, but the locals just kind of chuckle about. The food is good, but expensive. The atmosphere is comically cliché. And the seat-cushion sized steak is only attempted by “fariners.” (You know, ignorant yankees and such.).

So imagine my surprise when I saw the Big Texan on Good Morning America this morning! (Quintessential ignorant yankees!) One such “fariner” made a visit to Amarillo this weekend and records were broken, nay, shattered.

A 125 pound Nebraska woman, competitive eater Molly Schuyler, cut the previous record in HALF finishing the massive meal in under five minutes! UNDER FIVE MINUTES!! And, as if that wasn’t nauseating enough, she ordered a SECOND MEAL which she finished in under ten minutes. Oh… Em… Gee.

Let that sink in for just a minute. a 125 pound woman ate nine pounds of meat (and another few pounds of sides) in 15 minutes. Nine… Pounds…

As they say in my home town, “That thar’s gonna be a three flusher!”

(Read the full story.)

Crunch time is coming to an end at work… I hope. I really really hope. Cuz, my mind is getting frayed. So much so that this, one of the world’s worst puns, made me literally laugh out loud. Yep, even in my cubicle.

Today someone compared me to Hitler. I did Nazi that coming!