An open letter to the guy in the dressing room at Kohl’s this Saturday:

I’m sorry. I guess I just assumed too much. You see, in my mind, it’s always been a simple fact: If the dressing room door is closed, it might be in use, so either knock or use the next dressing room (you know, the one on which the door was standing open at the time).

But, clearly, you did not accept that fact, or at least it had not occurred to you. So, yes, I’m sure it was my fault that you opened the door to my dressing room while I was using it. I should have hung a sock on the door knob, or maybe brought along a Sharpie and scrawled, “ES OCUPADO” on the door on my way in. How could I have been so thoughtless.

Then again, if you did it on purpose, because you’re some kind of freakish pervert, then I only hope it was good for you, cuz I didn’t particularly enjoy it.