I’m back from the dead.

A quick recap:

• New Orleans Mission Trip – Great success, hundreds of pictures soon available (and that’s not an exaggeration).
• Food Poisoning – 12 hours of near continuous technicolor screams was the best (or worst) ab workout I’ve ever had.
• Office Space Construction – I have a ceiling again and it appears to be obediently staying above my desk, instead of raining down on it like it did last week.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m painfully behind on my projects at work. Thankfully, there are no hard deadlines right now, but it would be nice to use the word “finished” in a status meeting in the month of April, since it didn’t happen in March.

The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant. The population is growing.
– Cole’s Axiom

Oh… That explains a lot.

The MSM today picked up on the story about Bronco Bomber’s racist church pastor. It’s odd to me that this is hitting the presses now when the blogosphere beat this horse to death months ago.

Could it be that this story was pushed to the forefront by mysterious forces loyal to Hillary’s dying-a-slow-death campaign? Hmm. It only makes sense after getting her butt kicked in Mississippi and finding out that, despite the pep-rally, she actually lost Texas. This should give her a small boost in the polls, but I can’t imagine it will be enough to sway average Joe voters.

On the other hand, if pollsters are able to push this issue and get enough pro-Hillary pseudo-numbers into the press, it could stoke the fire for (or at least give an excuse for) the “super delegates” to back her at the national convention.

Consider this my virtual casserole dish welcoming Dave Matthews to the neighborhood. No, not the band, the real Dave Matthews.

Dave has long been a commenter on my site and a friend. I’ve made many suggestions that he get his own place to share his weird wit. (I don’t mean that in a, “Get your own blog and stay off of mine,” kind of way. Honest!) So, he finally took the plunge as created
Dave’s Strange and Unusual World over on WordPress.

Welcome, Dave!

Next week is Glenview’s 2nd annual mission to New Orleans. This year I, along with about 120 other church members, will be rebuilding the city. Last year we split our forces between demolition of ruined houses and building new ones. This year the demolition is pretty much done, so we’ll all be building.

The reason I mention this is that I am really out of shape and it concerns me. I haven’t been on my bike since last Fall. It’s been longer than that since my last real rock climbing. I’m worried that five straight days of hoisting sheet rock is going to kick my butt. But it’s too late now to do any strength training.

That brings me to this week’s white board quip. It’s from a Twitter post that my friend Dave wrote.

Started doing yoga last night… Way more grunting and farting than anticipated.

I’ve never done yoga, but I have so been there and done that!

Almost every Christmas and Easter, when my church puts on our holiday shows, I get made fun of for the fact that I can’t grow a beard. I end up either playing Pontius Pilot or just looking stupid with stage-make-up stubble.

But when push comes to shove (or steel comes to face) I get the last laugh.

I shave religiously every Tuesday and Friday using a 20¢ Bic disposable and water. No cream, no soap, no fancy expensive blade. And the result is a baby smooth face with no rash or burning or cuts.

Challenge my manhood if you will, but my face feels great!

For the rest of you, my buddy Dave wrote a blog post about his luxurious shaving style.

Construction has picked up in the office space next door. Today the noise has reached a new high point.

After I tweeted about it, I didn’t feel I had achieved the catharsis I was looking for, so I got out my Treo cell phone and recorded the sound in my office. Remember that the microphone on my cell phone is designed to pick up a nice loud voice an inch away, so what you are about to hear is much quieter than the actual noise level. You can just barely hear the Spanish crooning in the first few seconds, while I can hear every lovely word of it.

Clicky clicky to get the MP3 sound file.

Last night, DFW got a light dusting of snow. Of course, by morning it was little more than some frosting on the grass, but did actually see snow flakes falling. *sigh* I miss the mountains.

Anyway, I promised you a white board quip so here it is.

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

In Dallas, he drives 90 MPH just like everyone else. And if he actually encounters any icy bridges… he dies just like everyone else.

The title of this post does not mean that I am having digestive problems. Rather it is that the internet connection at the office today is not behaving as expected. My trillian chat client has been beeping and bopping incessantly as my connections to MSN and Yahoo go up and down. Surfing is impossible as pages will partially load, or not load at all.

*sigh* Has my life grown so shallow that I can’t survive without watching the latest video or reading the latest web comic?

Yes. Yes it has.

Now leave me alone. You’ll get your white board quip tomorrow. In the mean time, I’ve got many many web sites to continually refresh as I attempt to get my fix.