It is truly a brave new world. Thank God for technology in the 21st century. After tens of thousands of years, mankind has finally “arrived”. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it’s true. Believe it or not, man has toilet trained elephants!

Toilet trained elephants?!

Yep. They’re even talking about turning the properly pottying pachyderms into a tourist attraction. And you thought your job sucked. Can you imagine how much Charmin an elephant uses? Gives a whole new meaning to “jumbo roll”.

Read the complete article here.

Ripped (or should I say wiped) from Randypants.

I’ve always wanted to be an inventor. One of the less obvious perks is that you not only get to invent new and wonderful things, you also get to invent new and wonderful words to describe those things.

Case in point: The Flybar

No! This is NOT just another pogo stick. It’s a “fully adjustable elastomeric spring system”.

Elastomeric…

Are you sure you can say that in public?

I’m going to start using that in ALL my conversations!!

Man! This Freebirds Monster Burrito is elastomeric!

Dude, your 80 horsepower Honda Civic with the coffee can exhaust and four foot aluminum wing is TOTALLY ELASTOMERIC!!

Check out the Flybar official web site (flash intensive). It looks pretty cool, although just watching the videos makes my knee ligaments pop.

I just read a piece of news that gave me the shiver of a life time. I’m pretty sure I dislocated my spine. And as a public service, I’m offering you the same tidbit.

Disclaimer: If you have a heart condition, back or neck injury, are or could be pregnant, please don’t read the following news blurb.

A new commercial is set to air in Palestine which starts with the following quote.

Hi, I’m Richard Gere, and I’m speaking for the entire world.

See… I warned you. Read the complete article… IF YOU DARE!

WBQotW #6 comes to us from an article at ananova (linked from Apropos). Madona has been listed as one of the Most Influential Jewish Americans. That’s funny enough. But dig this quote from the editor of the list:

“…she’s practicing Judaism for Christ’s sake! Well, not really for Christ’s sake…”

HA! That’s priceless.

Have you ever looked at the world today and thought, “Wha..?”

Believe it or not, somehow, children have survived for at least 6000 years without any form of government interference in their lives. When I was a kid (Okay, enough with the old jokes.), a “car seat” was just that, the seats in the car (usually made of naugahyde that would melt your Umbro shorts in the summer). Now kids are in some kind of special restraint until they’re old enough to shave. In my day, as the youngest kid, my place in the car on family vacation was the back window deck. GASP! The way I remember, you were “high strung” and so you didn’t get much sugar. Now, you’re ADHD and get drugged into being a zombie. When I rode my bike, the only wore I helmet was when I was pretending to be Evel Knievel. Now kids wear helmets anytime they travel faster than a brisk walk. The way I remember it, when we were on the play ground at school… WE PLAYED!!

But not anymore. Today, kids are not allowed to be kids. Get a load of this story from California.

An 11-year-old girl in West Covina, Calif., was suspended from her school from doing “dangerous” cartwheels and hand stands during lunch time…

Administrators at the school said they were concerned about safety of their students. They said gymnastics on the playground creates an unsafe situation.

Great googly-moogly people! Why don’t you just lock your kids in the basement until their 18. As long as you throw them some Happy Meals and the latest XBox game every week or so, they come out as perfectly well adjusted obese psychopaths. They’ll fit right in! GAH!!

(Link borrowed from Drudge. I’ll give it back, I promise.)

After years leading Palestinians in their struggle against Israel, Yasser Arafat has decided on a new career. He has accepted an appointment to lead a small, blue race in their own struggle. Arafat will be crowned the new Papa Smurf early next week.

“Smurfs have lived under the thumb of that Semite Dog Gargomel long enough. Under my guidance they will finally live free,” the former PLO leader claimed.

The former Papa Smurf, whose real name is Karl Lafargue, was on hand when Arafat received the news of his appointment. Lafargue has served as Papa Smurf since 1981 and is stepping down from the post citing his failing health. However, inside sources claim that Papa Smurf is bowing to political pressure from militant smurfs who seek to gain independence from Gargomel, a regional war lord.

There is a blog that I read daily, but it’s not on my list of “Daily Reads”. That is because I only read this blog to keep up on the tripe and lunatic propaganda that extreme liberal media mouths vomit onto the web.

Here is just such a pool of bile. It’s a video detailing the conspiracy of war by the aptly named “Right Wing” and the defense industry. Priceless.

Now honestly. If people are mentally malleable (a.k.a play-dough-brained) enough to believe a word of this, I’d prefer they didn’t vote. They are the manifestation of the argument AGAINST democracy that was popular in the 17th and 18th centuries (a la Thomas Hobbes).

“The most part are too busy in getting food, and the rest too negligent to understand.”

In other words, the general public is too stupid to elect it’s own government. Hmmm.