The news articles that tend to draw my attention are the ones with a hidden story buried in the details. Here’s one of those articles.

New York Health Officials Move to Get More Moms to Breastfeed.

Here’s a snip of the article from below the fold:

Even though some formulas use nutrients found in breast milk, city doctors say research proves the natural way is best.

“Decrease in infections, upper respiratory, ear,” said Dr. David Garry of Jacobi Medical Center. “Some benefit when it comes to IQ scores.”

Kim Williams-Mann breastfed her daughter for five years, and doesn’t agree with the ban.

“That doesn’t mean that those people have the nutrition or the education to support it,” Williams-Mann said. “It should be an option.”

Wait… whoa… huh? Back up.

Did you just say that Mrs. Mann breastfed her daughter until she was FIVE!!?? Aw… Eww… Ick.. That’s just… Ugh… I can’t… even… speechless.

Kevin Russell, a 21-year-old resident of Hobart, Indiana, was arrested and charged with check fraud after trying to cash a check at a Chase Bank branch. The check was made out for $50,000 and signed by “King Savior, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Servant”. The check had no imprint (the numbers across the bottom of checks used to identify the bank account) implying that it was a sample check, possibly stolen.

Russell will spend some time in Lake County Jail awaiting trial. He’d be out on bail by now, but apparently, the bondsman wouldn’t take a check.

Original AP article

Last Christmas, the world was traumatized by the hemorrhaging falsetto of this stirring rendition of “Oh Holy Night”.

In the tradition of annual one-up-manship, this year “Oh Holy Night” comes to you in un-living color, animated by Eric Maziade, creator of “Zombies”.

Behold and “Faaaaaall on yer kneeeeeeeez”. (Requires Flash)

(Pined from the Sneeze)

(From an email forward I received…)

Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats and that’s it. Don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer. That’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU’rE NOT LISTENING! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated with the stuff. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO! Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my life-style?

A: Hey! Round is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming.”

If only I had the time, the means, and that many friends (quiet sob), I would do something like this.

Human Space Invaders

You saw the Jedi Squirrels. Now, a SYNS original (Honest! I made it myself!):

In the spirit of Jedi Squirrels, I give you, Army Squirrel.

I am Geek. There is no question about that. But I am not nearly as Geek as I could be. In case you need any proof of that…

I did not have a Klingon wedding.

I did not have a renaissance wedding.

And I do not own a 20-sided die, much less one on a ring.

You can click on the D20 ring image, if you feel you must own one for yourself. They also sell a D12 if your hands are too dainty for the D20 (which, if you think you need one, is probably true).

Ewwww.

From Engrish.com

Q: Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas confused?

A: Because 31 OCT == 25 DEC

* Don’t be upset (or even surprised for that matter) if you don’t get this joke. In fact, you might be a healthier human being if you don’t. If you do get it, then sit back and remember those glory days in Discrete Math and laugh until Mountain Dew squirts out of your nose and ruins your “Seven of Nine” mouse pad.